A Closer Look At Me!!!

Today I decided to give the blogger world the good and the bad about Sunshinestar!!! So her it goes...

I realized that the reason females don't like me is the same reason that males love me!

I have a hard exterior but I'm soft and cry at a drop of a dime.

I have alot of insecurities about myself. there is alot of things i won't wear and i won't do because of this.....so sad right?

The biggest loss of my life was when my bff died in a car crash. I blamed myself for it for long time. Went through all the ifs and buts about it. Scary thing is I was suppose to big in that truck with him that night that he crashed his car passed away.

When i was 23 yrs old I was told that my chances of having children are slim to none. That's was real life changing for me.

Back in the day I was shy and quiet. I didn't do much of anything but just read and did homework but my first love brought me out of that.

As a child i had to wear leg braces because my legs were so crooked...notes: that's why my mother didn't take many pic of me as a child.

I'm really in to local underground rap of the DMV(Dc,Maryland, and Virgina) I always support homegrown!

I hold grudges!! If you did something to me in the 6th grade I remember and will never forget. If I didn't fuck with you when we were 18yrs old I still don't fuck with you to this day!

I do feel like I'm kinda mean, I usually know after 15mins of talking to someone if I love them or hate them.

My sister is my best friend. there is not anything i won't share with her even things that are TMI.

I'm very close to my family. I spend alot of time at my Aunt's houses and spending time with my cousins. Tomorrow is never promised today so I try to do see them as often as possible.


Loyalty means alot to me. Even if i haven't talked to you in years I still am very loyal to that person and respect them.

High school was the worst 4yrs of my life. I would never relive them or want to go back. I was still trying to find myself back then.

I'm jealous that my friends are having babies and I may never be able to go through being pregnant or being a mom.

I'm a rap head but my fave is the old school gangsta music from the 90's. It just brings out the inner thug/drug dealer in me.

My closest is full of nothing but black!!!! Funny thing is its not even my fave color. Black is slimming and I never want people to know how much weight I have gained over the years. If u ever see my FB you will see how much black i really wear!!!


last but not least...I think its funny that I have never met these girls outside of the Internet but I share such a good relationship wit my Bunny Ranch! I loves you girls!!!!!!!

Getting Married???

My Aunt calls me last night to do her usual once a month check up on my life basically she's being nosy. So she rants on how my cousin's boyfriend is this and that and how he planning to ask her to marry him that ole heffer stops and pause just long enough to say..Sunshine are you ever going to get serious and settle down with man? I got some friends who got sons I can fix u up with!!!...OK, auntie what are you trying to say I can't find a man or that my choice of men is gross? Of course I let her continue on with what i need to Change about my life to get a husband.....change your attitude, play habit, spending habit etc etc...on and on she went. Until i had enough and said my good byes. Auntie did get me thinking... Will I ever get married? maybe she is right a little maybe i do need to change some of my bad habits and get serious about certain shit. All of my"friends" I use that word loosely are all getting married and living happily ever after..well that what we would like to think. In this month alone I have received about 5 invite to wedding that I really have no plans to attend. I remember back in the day when I thought I would be long married by now maybe on baby #2 by now but needless to say that didn't happen. My friends would always say that Sunshine will be he first to jump the broom but sunshine is clearly going maybe the last?!? So where in the hell is my prince charming with his white horse? where is the man that makes me want to change my life and be about all about him? Did he pass me by or did i send him on his way a long time ago?!? Lord know I have been planning wedding since i could fully understand what getting married and a wedding was! I got the dress. ring and venue all picked out but no husband...lol..RP tells me all the time I'm crazy for having this stuff planned out!! I think one of the reason I'm not in a serious relationship or married is because I have a fear of commitment and I don't let let too many people into my world. Its rare that I let any man get to close to me. I don't like them to know my weakness and strength so when i feel things are becoming too deep i cut them off ASAP. I know for a fact I have cut of a couple of really great men because of that. COMMITMENT scares the hell out of me! i have always been a free spirit only concerning myself with important to me so to be in something that's not all about me scares me a bit makes a little sick to my stomach. I have no idea why? im lying maybe i do. The couple of men that i have had committed relationships with have all done me dirty in one way or another. So I'm not willing to give any one my heart anymore its still trying to mend it wounds. Now I want to get married but the thought of committing to that kind makes me want to run the other direction but i still kind of yearn for the togetherness of an commitment! IDK I'm so confused!! I think I need a break!!!! Getting married is something i know i want to do..when? only lords that answer.....Thanks Auntie for this one!!! I think i need a drink now!


P.s. those rings at the top are the one i want...lol. dont tell nobody...Ok, bye

Hell No!!!

I got an email today from RP! he is back in Miami and loving the shit out of it but he was telling me how he thinks that Ghetto Mama(his girlfriend) might be the one and he is thinking about taking it to the next level!?!.....wwwwwwwooooooowwwwww...Not really feeling that shit at all. First I can't stand that girl with an passion he should have left her in whatever carry out he met her at!!! He got with Ghetto Mama about 2 years ago and I thought she was just passing through but for some reason that bitch got a seat. Now I knew I didn't like her the first time I met her. He brought her to a cookout and I had to do an double take. She had like these purple streaks in her hair , this little tiny Rave dress on like she was going to the Hood rat club! and tagging right behind her were the heard of kids she got, plus her attitude was so very stank!!! I couldn't believe my eyes she is so not RP's style but i thought maybe he was just trying something new! Me and her just don't mix plain and simple she told him I think I'm better than her and i think I'm cute....sorry sweetheart hmmm I know I'm cute and better than you I might be but that's not the issue. I put up with her for the sake of RP I try my hardest to be nice to her but it take all of my will to accomplish this. Him talking about taking it to the next level i am not felling at all. R.P. choice in girl has always been a lil off but this one is completely off the far end. I have never liked any of his women but at leastt they had there lives together cuz this one doesn't have it together at all. I just found out a couple of months ago she doesn't work, all her children have different fathers and she ain't about nothing. So I guess you can say I'm the president of Anti ghetto mama club because i refuse to lose RP this joint. Anybody but her. Jealous.....maybe but i just the best for him and she ain't it. Now i don't know what to do, do i support him with this next step move or should i just voice my opinion?/ lord plz help me

Can't Teach An Old Dog New Tricks....

Checked my email today and Saw I had a message from my Ex I'm going to call him...DOG!..and yes khaki I'm back at my animal names!!! lol Dog was my on again off again Boyfriend from the time I was 14yrs old until about 20yrs old, I guess u can say all of my life! He was a little older than me so i thought i was doing it big back in day with this older joint that all the girls wanted envied me and he wanted me. But if those girl only knew what i went through messing with his dumb ass. He made sure he got me young, i guess he was trying to mold me into the women that he needed so he use to make sure he drove me crazy. Fist fights, getting jumped by some chicks, him fucking my friends having babies with them, sent me the clinic more than once to get rid of his seed, emotional and physical abuse..If they only knew he made sure I worked hard to be with him. and back then I didn't know any better so I did what I thought I had to do for him to love me the way I loved him. He use to remind me all the time that he picked me and that I needed him for the longest i thought that he defined me and that I needed to proceed on. It took me along time and Bird for me to work up enough courage to leave his ass in the wind. I promised myself from that day on, I would never ever deal with him or anyone like him ever again... and I still stand by that to this day!

*cueing LeToya Luckett song not anymore...

So when I received his email today entitled YOU I was kinda torn with if i should read it or not, so i closed it out. I went back to it while at lunch I was oh so curious why he would be contacting me after 5 1/2 years? And just like the old Dog he is, his ass tried to charm via email. One thing I can always say about him is he could talk you into almost anything, he could sell u anything if he put his all into it and with this email that's exactly what he did try and charm me. He hit me with all the basic shit where u been at?, ain't heard from you?, what you don't love me anymore?. I was almost tempted to respond with what i don't know. Not respond because I needed or wanted him respond to tell him to go fuck himself. To let him know that the old and weak Sunshine died along time ago and whatever new tricks for me he had I had been there and done that and I am not looking back. Instead i thanked him for all that he had done for me. I know weird right?.... I thanked him for fuckin' those hoes who i thought was my friends he just made it easy for me to weed them out quicker, I thanked him being my first and teaching a Lil young girl a thing or two about sex, I thanked him for breaking me at some points in life, it taught me how to be stronger, I thanked him for showing me what love wasn't because he didn't love me at all, I also thanked him for making my skin tougher and I no longer let people run over top of me, I thanked him for always being Dog and never changing it just made me see how weak he really was and Last I thanked him in Advance for never contacting me ever again because I don't him in my life. Its been fine without him. I'm not in the business for trying to teach old dogs, new tricks. I take two steps forward never two steps back.

He Wanna Taste My Juice Box!

L.M. must have awaken yesterday and said today is the day, I'm going to try get Sunshine's juice box!!! LMAO. He must have been feeling himself something good yesterday because he really put on his "A" game to get a sip. L.M. and I have have not had any type of sexual contact no kissing, long hugs nothing...Ok no we have slept in the same bed with maybe a little bit of spooning but other than that nothing...no flirting, bunning up on couch nothing! So him trying to get me to take a ride on his magic stick is mind blowing. Don't get me wrong L.M. is sexy as a mothaf**** and I have seen the fuck stick, which was also something lovely but if he think tasting my juice box is going to be easy he than he was clearly mistaken!!! Many have tired and few have a gotten sip!!!! So L.M. has spent a lil QT wit the girl even dealt with my crazy fam, spent a couple of dollars here and there!! its still not enough to get it! and Bird got ya girl wide open and if I let L.M. take a sip and it doesn't compare to the Birdman I will have to dismiss him ASAP!! So his journey for the juice box has just begin for him!! its going to be long and bumpy ride I hope he has what it takes to it!

A Special Shout!!!

I want to take this time to give a SPECIAL SHOUT OUT TO THE RANDOM CHICK WHO TRIED TO THROW SALT IN MY GAME, OVER THE WEEKEND!!! SHOUT OUT TO YOU BOO!!! Thanks for all the love and support good to see I'm on your mind....and just little side note....Sorry it didn't work out for you!! He knows what the deal is, Honey!!! Nothing has changed at all, but now you know for sure!!!! Thanks so much!!!!! I appreciate you a lot!

Let Me Show You Baltimore...

I'm headed off to Baltimore! *high five this weekend to have a little fun with my cousin NaImah, just moved out there and wants to explore the city!!! Its kind of funny to me that we have lived here in Maryland all our lives, closes to D.C. , Baltimore is only 45 minutes away and we treat it like it a foreign country! I mean we were raised to stay clear of B-more and to never fraternize out there....SMH...So this weekend we have decided to bring that to end!!! We have no idea what we are doing we just know we are doing it!!!! lol...We have nothing organized..we have no idea where to go beside the the inner harbor for shopping and eating, we have no idea what the hot spots are, We basically are going to be lost in B-more!!!! NaImah thinks we should be good but I had to remind her of our last expedition we took to Baltimore and it ended badly!! We ended up on the wrong side of the city, smack in the middle of the hood!!!!Looking lost as shit, but these nice young men standing on the corner nicely directed us on how to get home*shout to all the men working hard on the corner...and they say ya'll are all bad news! Tomorrow night she's coming to pick me and my other cousin Aisha up and we are spending the weekend in Baltimore.....Wish me luck!!! Not with Baltimore with spending 48 hours with Aisha And NaImah!!!! Those bitches drive me crazy and I'm sure alot will go on so I will blogs for days!!

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm at work which is one of the last places i want to be! I rather would be home cuddling up with Bird since his ass stayed home today but I'm here and i am not feeling it at all. Don't get me wrong I am happy to have a job in this day in age because times are so bad but I HATE THIS JOB AND THESE PEOPLE!! UUGGGHHHHH!! they drive me crazy! First everybody is always worried about what I'm doing instead of them worrying about themselves, someone is always moving, touching or throwing away stuff on my damn desk*rolling my eyes, and last when i need a day off or a half a day its like the world is coming to an end and no one can understand why.

So right now i;m sitting at my desk minding my business listening to some tunes not really being bothered with these people and they find a way to get on my last nerve. Ann, my boss comes over and says" are you not in a good mood?!" what ? where is that coming from? is that because I'm not in here fraternizing with you people!!! or its because you want to wrap my head up about nothing and I won't give you the chance too!!! plus, he keeps asking me the same damn question 5 trillion times and feel like I want to leap over my desk an punch her right in the eye!!!!! plz..don't ask me one more time if I'm okay or where I'm going for lunch!!!! because I'm tired of giving you the same answer in thousand of different of way. YES, I'm okay and i don't know where I'm going for lunch nor I want you to know so you can tag along. Then its the IT programmer, who feels the need to talk to me every time he walks past me!!! if I have to hear the story about what cute thing his Son Codi did one more time I'm going to scream!!!!!!!!!!! aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! and not to mention the countless others who find a way to drive me crazy as the day goes on!!!!!

So before I lose it, I Have mad an executive decision to take a personal day on Friday!!!! and you know what I'm going to do nothing!!!! Nothing at all..watch Maury, twitter a lil bit, and lay in my night clothes all day long until night falls and I hit these streets hard so I can drink away all this damn stress from this place.

Up Up and away.....

R.P. is now gone!!!!* wiping the tears away....I have dreaded this day all summer long. I tired to keep him up all night so he would miss his flight but needless to say that sure ass hell didn't work. So he's gone!!! and I miss him already!!!! :-(

Plus Size?

Now I have never been a small girl ever in life always a 10 or above...*shout out to all my plus size girls! but today while cruising through one of favorite new clothing sites...Fath21..which is Forever21's plus size area!!! *thanks Bkels for turning me on to that* I noticed that none of these years were "plus size" to me!!!!!





Okay so I'm still trying to figure out where she is plus size at!!!!She looks like the size of my sister who is only 7 in size so where in the hell are all the plus size models at! I mean where are all the girls who look like me and clearly she doesn't! Matter of fact none of there models look like plus size women to me. Come on world the average size for a women is 12 so why is there size 2 trying to show me how the outfit will look on me! but that's not how I look so how can I make my judgment off of that! Its enough it took the fashion world forever to see that real women wear real sizes and we can't wear those itty bitty outfits and if i did it would be a pure damn mess and the world would he horrified!! and we don't want that now do we?! So fashion world please catch up with times once again and get some models that i can relate too!!! I'm begging you!!!

I get it!!!

So I finally got the hang of twitter and what its really about and Now I love absolutely love it!!!! I don't have many friends so that means next to none with the followers but its cool! My girl Reese always has something funny tweet about!!! Shout to Reese!!!!! and I can't forget about lil Duval who keeps me laughing everyday!!!!! those two make my long days at work go so much Faster!!!


So if you are on Twitter.....

@LuvinmeDLW

He's Leaving Me !!!!! :-(

I didn't realize how sad i was about him leaving me until this morning. My Friend R.P. will be leaving at the end of the week to go to law school in Miami. It kinda of funny to me because him and I don't talk everyday nor do we see each other on a regular basis but I knew he was just a phone call away if I ever needed him and now that phone call will mean he will be hours away from me. There are no more long days watching football together, sitting on each others beds talking about life no more just being bored together! I'm going to miss all that ,no one is bored with me like he is. My friendship with R.P. started 12 years ago after a football game when he tried to holla at me and I turned him down and ever since then he has been one of my best friends. He has left me once before but that's was to play football in college somewhere in PA but that lasted about 10 seconds and he was back playing in MD. So this separation is going to be real hard for me!H e doesn't know how much I value him, his opinions, loyalty,honesty and that he understands me, all those things are hard to find in a trust Worthy friend!!!!!! because I can be a hard person to understand.He was the first one one to warn me that worthless was exactly that worthless, He was the first person to run to me when Ro died and countless other times when he stopped what he was doing to hold my hand! I guess I'm being selfish not wanting him to leave because who will I call on when things go wrong and need to cry and drink it all away!!! He was the first male I ever spent the night with, he taught me everything I know about football and the first man I loved for the right reasons and not like the others who I thought I loved. My feeling for him run long beyond him just being my friend! He also will be my husband one day...lol...Two carats!!!, right R.P.? Since I know that he will be reading this because he always drops in to see what new in life I just wanted him to know that this an bitter sweet moment for me. I'm so proud and happy for him on pursuing his dreams and bettering his life but on the other hand I'm going to miss the friend I have grown to love so very much!!! R.P. You know I will be making more than on trip to Miami to get it in!!! lol..

Fail on the play!!!!!

I'm on AIM and one of my old male friend Spider(this is his real name) hit me up asking a question that was totally not excpeting.....So..*insert my government name here, Why did we stop having sex?...lol...Ok so I'm think WHAT? WHERE IN THE HELL DID THAT COME FROM?!..so when I'm getting ready to think of some nice to respond with he hits me again...You just up and stop calling me, coming over to see me, I mean nothing..what happened!! Oh Lil Tink, Tink...If you only knew.. Spider was cute as can be all the girls were chasing him like there was no tomorrow but what they don't know about good ole Spider is that big D**** was a waste because poor lil tink tink was totally lost in the sex department!!!! Now I didn't shut him down ASAP like I should have I gave him a three chance rule the same as the rest. For all #3 times Spider let me down he disappointed me so I Drop him off the team!! Sorry Boo!!! I can't deal with it anymore. Spider was right about something I did just up and go MIA I was over it and didn't want to have to bare another sex encounter !!!*bring back old bad memories!!!! So before i answered I decided that Spider can not handle the truth so I need to spare his feeling so I answered back with...Aww Spider I had to just get myself together I was going through something(no you were going through something and I didn't want to help you out with it)..So i thought that it was over he got his answer and now we continue on with our lives with that being the answer I felt like he need but of course it wasn't..the next AIM made laugh .....So how about you come through I haven't seen you in a LLLOONNGG time!!...* Whistle blows...referee comes out and says off fail on the play off side no good!!!!... Sorry Sypder you want get me this time!!! Clearly I logged out of my AOL and haven't responded. Unless his team has made major improvements I'm going to stick to where I'm at!!!!Sorry

Happy 25th Ro!!!

Roshon would have celebrated his 25th birthday on Monday(i know I'm a little late) I sit and wondered what he would have planned for this b-day. Maybe a trip to Vegas or some place far away from the east coast whatever it would have been I know it was have been huge and a expensive celebration(that's just how he did things) instead we celebrated his life with a cookout that would have made him very proud. This year his birthday was an bitter sweet moment for me! First, because I can remember when we were 9 years old running up down the street to the convenience store and Second because he wasn't here to celebrate it with us. He was taken away from us far too soon and it still wares on my heart and soul from time to time. Never in a million years I thought he wouldn't be here to remind me of his birthday(because he did every year just so I wouldn't forget) but it was no need to I always remembered. I never made it to the cookout that was thrown, I 've stayed clear for that the second year in a row, mostly because i wasn't ready to deal with the people. I know how much I must have disappointed him because this birthday meant so much to him but this birthday brought back all the memories good and bad, it brought back the pain that his death has on me. I remember one of our last conversations about life and how on his 25Th he was going to change his life.....go back to school, settled down, maybe have a baby or two. I remember just being amazed at how the little boy grew up with was becoming a much more mature man!! We made a pack that if we didn't have any kids by 27yrs old we would have one together!!LOL....I told me he was holding me to that! Well, I'm 26yrs old and still no babies i won't have one with him but when I do my first son's names has already been chosen!!! Enough of being sad..*wiping the tears away* I just wanted to Wish Him a Happy 25th birthday and you are truly missed!!!!

I finally I did it...Again!!!

After much debate with my cousin Kendra about it, I have decided to rejoin twitter for the second time and maybe this time will get the hang of things!!!! ...just maybe...so if you got it follow me...LuvinmeDLW

Thanks Beverly Johnson!!!

35 years ago Beverly Johnson was the first African American to appear on the cover of Vogue!! She paved the way for future models such as Iman, Tyra Bank, Naomi Campbell and Alek Wek to do the same. Thanks once again Beverly for showing the world that black is beautiful and opening doors for others!!!