My current thoughts

My feeling got hurt today….and for me to confess to that must really mean it bothered me.  I never really express or tell anyone when they have disappointed me or hurt my feeling but trust me it happens and sometimes often.  I was brought up to never let them see you sweat, so I never do.  I think sometimes I give too much, I do it without seconding guessing myself and never expecting anything in return, my huge heart has gotten my feelings hurt…a lot…a lot…Today is really one of those days.  I spent most of my day excited about  a date that was supposed to happen, I was excited about the place and just spending some time with a friend without us checking the time or rushing from place to place.  Now this date has been supposed to be happening since my birthday,  yep a month of cancelling and rescheduling, so when we agreed on today..well actually is was supposed to be Monday but of they cancelled I got excited…I needed the mental break it was gonna give me a moment away from work, school, Lil Richmond just some well needed giggles and conversation. Just as soon as the excited set in it was quickly put out by the text saying…Yeah, today is not good for me..I kinda knew this was going to be the way things were gonna go but I rolled with it.  So I spent the next  30 minutes trying to arrange a different day and time just to the point where it became more a task than anything else…So opted to forget all about it as a whole it was going to be September  by the time this all went down.  I set myself up for this kind of hurt feeling because I have a big heart so I would find a way to make it happen if it was me and I give others the benefit of the doubt that they will do the same and that is not always the case.  When it doesn’t happen even for my “birthday” it bothers me and I tell myself it won’t but it does.  I tell myself that ill take mental note of that and not go above the call of duty for that person but……I always do anyway.  This friend and I have been friends for 10 years now and this is how it always plays out for me and them.  I know the hust must be strong cuz im blogging about it any person could’ve done this and I probably would’ve been mad and then shook it off but this time I couldn’t or just can’t.  I guess this just how the cookie crumbles for me.