No Title Needed....

Him and I have been friends since we were babies....Only a year and a week seperates us in age. We have been close since I can remember. I have been his biggest fan since forever I sat at all his football games rain, sleet, or snow I was there until the day he graduate from college....I attened his graduation I was so proud. I have spent countless days and nights listening to his girl problems and him listening to my male issues. His shoulder was the one i cried on when I got the courage to leave Dog...when Terp broke my heart and when I lost Ro he wiped my tears and ensured happiness shall come my way. He has always been in my corner even when I thought no one was. We he made the decision to further his education somewhere outside of what we call home...I secretly hoped he wouldn't get in but I knew he would and that he did and just like that he up and moved a thousand miles away from me. Even with distant between us and his busy schdule we managed to still be the best of friends.

So when he called me the other day and said lets run away together because he was stuck on the home front because of the snow i didn't even have to think twice about it. Back in day we use to run away alot just me and him no cell phones...no friends ...no computer just the two of us..those were some of the best time i had through out my teens and early twenty so to have that back...I was down. We weren't going to far but anywhere but home was all we needed. These were the timse I miss the most about him being so far away from me... I use to share alot with him during these times...He knows things I don't even think my best friends even knows matter of fact I know he knows much more than she does. He's just easy to talk to never once has he judge me for any of actions just lent his ear and advice whenever needed. It felt just like old time when I got to the hotel. (get your ming out the gutta)l no one knew where we really were at just knew we were together. We laughed, joked around, and watch football just so I could see my future husband OchoCinco. We got some well need QT in before he hops on his flight on Wednesday and back to his life away from here. Before my head hit the pillow to call it a night he said something I just didn't expect at all at least not from him..."You know I have always loved you and now that we are older I just want you to know how deep my love runs" The voice in my head was saying oh no..but I parted my lips and said" What do you mean?" I have always seen myself with you...no matter how many boyfriends you get and how many girlfriends I get I still only see me and you together. I want us to stop being this and be together...**pause*** Thats all I could do was pause. Truthfully I always played the image of him and i togther in my head but never opened up my heart to that idea. I alway think we got to much on line....to much at stake if things don't workout between us...and I'm usually a bitch towards all my ex'es and lawd knows that I don't want that to be with us. To be honest I don't know how I feel about this whole situation I'm kind of Torn*que Le'Toya Luckett* and don't really know what to do. I had to come up with something to buy me sometime at least to his next trip back home....so i convinced him that we need to talk about this matter further when we were both sober because we both had lil bit of Patron in our systems. I guess that would by me at least a couple days of soul searching...he got me off guard with his moment of truth and I can't even see why would even want to be bothered with me. But I guess he sees me for the real me and not the one I lead males to lead is me....because I know I see him for who he really is not the one he plays for females......

I don't really know where my heart or head is even at with this one. I usually have a game plan and come back for most of the things that people throw my way but this one left me speechless and kind of confused.....