Birthday Blues..

It's April and usually around this time I start to get excited my birthday that will be approaching in May. I start to plan the weekend that will be all about and love every minute of it but this year not so much. I usually always look forward my birthday its truly the only day that really all about me but for some reason i just can't bring myself to love it this year. My friends have been asking me one by one what i want to do and one by one I suggest something but call them later to say naaahhh maybe not. I was asked today by someone is it because i'm getting close to 30 that makes me not excited but its not that..i could really careless about the age thing..the last couple of months haven't been great for me. I walk around like everything is fine and i'm good but in reality it wears down on my shoulders each and everyday. i'm good at the happy face and the stress free approach but inside i'm kind of on a emotional roller coaster. Along with all of those personal things i'm dealing with, i'm thinking oh so hard about ending things with Lil Richmond! Surprised?!? I may let others around me think everything is everything between the two of us but in reality I'm carrying this whole relationship on my back and i'm tired of pulling it all together and making it work all on my own. I even consulted my life manager on the matter because i'm so torn about it so far and like he usually does Studiogenius brings in the ration and give me some good advice to sleep on. Needless to say that is another reason i'm extra excited about my birthday this year. I thought about just planning anything to do and put lon my best smile and making it work but i have no desire to do so......I knew I wasn't that into my birthday when I didn't even take the day off from work just to do nothing all day long...lol..yep that was my signal. I've tried numerous times to get myslef more excited about my birthday but my heart and my minds just not into it this go around. I guess I'll make it just another day none of all the bells and whistle none of all the extra stuff just another day.