You're Just A Girl!!!

OK..so today I had lunch with some of my fave men...Cousin Bryan, God brother Jermaine and friend Geordan I can always count on them for advice. So we get to talking about The NBA finals and who got game who doesn't. Well, since I was brought up on b-ball I chimed in with my thoughts , everything is going well until good ole Geordan blurts out...."You are just a girl!!! You shouldn't know sports"
Me being the smart ass that i am I say" Fuck you Geordan!! you just mad I know more than the average male!" okay so that's when all hell broke loose...not that anyone was mad they know and love me, I just didn't want to have this tired ass discussion with them but looks like we were and we did.

My group of fave men continued on with there rant and rave about me and how I need to change so I can.. and I quote"HAVE A MAN AND NOT BE ALONE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!!!!"...How rude wrong. They me told me if ever want that million dollar athlete husband that I want I need to work .I choose to be alone..well...I'm saving my heart for Bird which we all know that!! They spoke on a lot of "ISSUES" they say i have like....Being MEAN..OK OK i do confess, I'm not the Nice's person at times. I can be pretty damn mean and i blame some of that on my surroundings. I grew up running with the boys so it was do or die with them, u either hold your own or keep it moving...so some of my smartness and meanness...is that word? comes from always being the only girl and standing up for myself. Even as I got older they were still mean to me, they said it would pay off in the end and it did a lil. Now I take no shit and can hold my own!! so I accept my meanness? and I'm working on being a little nicer!!! Secondly, they bring up that i am very knowledgeable about Sports. OK well my bad..I love sports always have and always will..especially Basketball!!! They informed me that no man wants a girl who is too sports savvy!!!! They want to be the ones who know everything and u depend on him for knowledge not him depending you....That's funny i thought men wanted a women who could watch sports with them Actually know what going on..My male support group enlighten me sports is there thing and they don't want a GIRL to be apart of that!!! Last but not least they said I'm TOO INDEPENDENT or which Jermaine happily stated that some times I'm too STRONG MINDED!! Were they serious???...I was just brought up to know that u never depend on a man for anything...not just men don't depend on ANYONE for anything!!! Go for it yourself. Its better to be let down by your own self than someone else. I guess some guys feel that all these things are threats. I guess that's why I haven't had an worth while boyfriend in YEARS!!!! I thought that all these things set me apart from the rest..I thought it made me stand out more but I guess I was wrong they said someone with money just isn't going to stand for it!!! lol...that's all i could do was LAUGH OUT LOUD!!!

Well, maybe they are right!!! maybe i will be a lonely smart ass, sport savvy independent women for the rest of my life!!! which doesn't sound to bad to me!! the only conclusion i could come up with from this that BOYS ARE STUPID!!!!!!

I love Him..He loves me not???

So, after a short wait i;m back in business!!!! anywhooo....Love and I did brake up...well kinda broke up. I let high school, inmate and worthless go and gone they are but there is one Love i can never seem to shake..BIRD!!! my heart belongs to him no matter how many years pass, how many boyfriends i get and still love bird!!!

I met "Bird" hmmmm...maybe about 7yrs. ago, I was sitting at my aunts house with room full of million dollar men and he was all i wanted. He was the one I didn't know. My cuzzo i got drafted a 1 year before i met him so i was use to all these NBA players being around and knew how they all rolled...nasty ass hell..so i stayed clear of them.They were good for entertainment and that's it. But to make a long story short we met...became friends , which my cousin was not to happy about and now we are at present day....

My relationship with "Bird" is the best of every aspect..we have great chemistry, good friendship, and the grown up stuff we do is spectacular too!! it can't get no better than this. For the past 7 years i have been apart of his world for every street ball game in the hood...I've been there, every random celebrity basketball game he has played in..I've been there and for every time he has left me and went over seas to play ball..I've been there to email and talked to while he adjusted in a new country I have given more of me than I give most boyfriends. As the years have passed i have loved him from a distance.....*sigh well i have always loved him and now that I'm older i want my love from a distance to be so much more. Bird is all i truly want...don't get me wrong i still do me and do my own thing. I go on dates and have had a couple a boyfriends over the years but my heart still lies with Bird!! When I'm not with him, I want to be..When I'm with someone else I'm thinking about when i can get away to see Bird...goosh...I think I got it bad...real bad!!!! I have find myself calling him if we haven't spoken in a couple of days just to hear his voice....I recently discovered that if i catch him at the right moment...like leaving the club, wrapping up a long work day or finishing up a basketball game he'll come over and fall asleep in my bed and I get to spend one more day with him...lol...Does that sound crazy?? he is everything i ever wanted in a man..tall, dark, handsome, well educated, has a job, loves Basketball and can put it down in the bedroom..Bird is what my future husband should be.

So while i may love him...IDK if he loves me back!!! I tell him from time to time that he ever found a girlfriend i would be so heart broken...he laughs me off and says"our love is too strong for that!!, so if i do u will be forever apart me!" TRUE...maybe but I hope that time never comes. My friend have suggested maybe I should tell him about how I feel toward him about how he is all i can think of...but I did once and it didn't go off as well as I wanted it to. We smiled and laughed me off like a pure joke.it bruised my soul!!!! and now i just leave it be..maybe I'm just too scared that if we talk about it again he'll leave me alone and I'll lose him...i know at 26 that should not be part of my fears but it is!!!

I love him and he loves me not..So what is a girl suppose do???

Love and I are breaking up tonite....

Where should I start with me and that thing called Love.....

Love and I have been through a lot over my 26 years on this earth..I remember when Love was simple and easy. He likes you, you like him...He brings you little gifts and in return you hold his hand at recess!! Those were the days!!! Now love is so much more now than a gift there and a little kiss here. Love has taken me on a roller coaster ride that never seems to end.

My first real love was when I was about 14 or15 years old, a freshman in high school you couldn't tell me nothing. He was a junior and the hottest thing on the block because everyone wanted him, but i was the one who got him!!! He took me through a lot over the next couple of yrs.From fist fights with girls out from my house to having babies with my friends. I was in love him and stood by his side through it all. Until one day I was grew up....and moved on

Then it was the "inmate" When met him he was the greatest, his only down fall was he just had to be home by 10pm. I thought it was because He just had strict grandparent but i later found out that was because his ass was on HOUSE ARREST!!! but me I continued on with him and his controlling ways..Why u ask??...Because i was in LOVE!!! He kept me away from my Friends ,family I only had time for him. He put me in the middle of his drama..from selling drugs till him getting 21yrs in prison.
I stood by him and later found out they he stood by a lot of females. I closed that chapter and moved on to a new one.... he broke my heart too..just like my high school love.

Then it was "Worthless". I knew him since elementary school..he treated me so bad then but we got together later and life and i found out that he was good for nothing. NO JOB, NO MONEY, NO CAR...NOTHING!!! Just pure worthless, but once again he made me feel some type of way and I loved him for that. that chapter is closing as we speak...

Love has thrown me nothing but curve balls and Love continues to do so ...through all those bad relationships it has been one Love who has always been consistent through it all...hmmm lets call him "Bird"
Bird and i have always had an good relationship..NO drama, no Problems and from the first day I met him, I loved him!!! he watched me grow up into the women i am today. Its kinda like the Bow wow song goes..when I'm with somebody all i think about is you...when I'm alone all i think about is you. he is always on my mind!!! When I'm with other people I always compare them to Bird and they don't match up. For 7 yrs I have loved him and its not anything I wouldn't do for him. He's the greatest!!! a good friend, listener, good support system, always there for me.. and the sex is WONDERFUL!!! but there is a problem...i don't know if he loves me the way i love him! when i express how deep my feelings run for him he just sidelines it and never talks about it again.I'm scared that i will be stuck in the friend zone forever with him and lord know I love him and want so much more, but instead of getting my heart broke again by this man...I'm just going to break up with Love tonight and send him on his way.
Oh love we have been through a lot but my heart can't take anymore..so tonight Love and I will part way. Maybe Love will find me again, holding on to love had to end...

I'm going to miss you love....
XOXOXO