To Get It Over With..

Now I said I wasn't going to comment about the Chris Brown interview but my damn cousin who called me this morning worrying me about it got me all worked up about it so I just needed to get somethings off my chest. My cousin and I got into this heated debate over the whole issue she just couldn't understand why I wasn't affected by t he situation and how I could just forgive Chris Brown especially since I was once in abusive relationship.I'm sorry I didn't crucify him instead I instead respected him for admitting to what he did, knowing it wasn't right and seeing he has problem that he needs to get help for. Most abusive men never see the abuse as a problem , they never see what its doing to them and the people around them. I didn't grow up in a house where abuse accrued, I never saw my father hit, yell, or mentally abused my mother nor did she do that to him. So I can't blame them for me accepting my abusive relationship. I will say that I never really knew what love was when i was younger. Parents worked alot to make thing comfortable for me and my siblings. Emotions were something that never really came out in my household, I can count to this day how many time I have heard my parents tell me they Love me, but that's how they grew up so that's all they knew. So when I met Dog, love was something I wasn't to for sure of. No one ever really told me that love wasn't suppose to hurt me. The mental abuse with Dog was there from day 1...he would say things like I wasn't cute as the girls he usually messes with, I was too fat, if was an privilege to be with him etc...but the physical didn't come along until the second year of me being with him. He had always had an bad temper any and everything could piss him off in a matter of second so I always stayed clear of him on his bad days but this day he showed no sign of being his usual angry self. The first time he ever hit me was so surreal for me, I to this day can see his facial expression right before he hit me. Not once did I cry or feel angry at what happened I was just in awwww at what had happened. He of course apologized and promised to never do it again but he did repeatedly over and over again. I thought he loved me that's why this was happening because he loved me so much it hurt him instead plus i thought that's what my friends were going through the same thing plus every girl wanted him and i wasn't going to let them have him. Over the next couple of years I just learned how to mask the black eyes and bruises with make up and as the years went on the abused I would say slowed down mainly because he was fuckin my friends be hind my back and didn't have time for me. It wasn't until I met Bird that I saw the light. He opened my eyes to what was really going on with my life and how I didn't need this. I heard what Bird was saying but i continued to see him until one day I broke. That day he found out bout Bird and me seeing him, He pinned me in the corner, choked me enough that I only had a lil air to breath and he said nothing I saw the hate in his eyes and saw what could have been my last look at life. If it wasn't for his bff walking in be probably would have killed me or hurt me seriously. That day was enough for me. I shut my whole life down to get away from him...I changed phone numbers, address, moved more than once, stopped talking to mutual friends of ours, transferred schools just to stay clear of him. It was a long and hard road but i did it.

After i told that story again to my cousin for the thousandth time the debate got even more heated. I personally forgave Dog along time ago for what went on between us. He didn't realize that he had an problem but I did, so its his choice to get help or not and I'm about 90% sure that he never did. I was never really mad at him more mad at myself for staying. The first time it happened it should have been the last time but I can only change present day not the past. So when it comes to the matter of Chris Brown I never think its okay to hit a women but i do give him the props for recognizing that he has a problem and needs to seek help before it gets even more out hand. he's a young man and has time to change so I support him and hope all works out for him!!!

This was just something i need to address so i wouldn't have to talk about it ever ever again ...thanks!