Farewell.....

In my New years resolutions I wrote that I was going to let a friendship i had dissolve because i'm tired of trying...well when i wrote that i wasn't sure on how serious I was until today...

Bird and i got to talking about my friendship with people in my life and what they mean to me...I got to thinking long and hard about the people I consider my friends and how they impact my life on a day to day basis. I had answer for him at every name he threw my way without even blinking an eye. Some of the people i have known for years and other have just dropped in my life recently but they all play apart in my life and have place. Some are better at certain thing then others but all in all i can't see life without them.

The last name he questioned me about was prolly one of the first friends of mine he ever met but when he said her name i had no answer for him..i had nothing to say. All of 2009 i spent my time trying repair a relationship from my end and getting nothing from hers. Its funny to me if you had asked me about her a couple of years ago I would of said alot of things about her and why she was my friend but i guess time wore that freindship out. I did all i could to make our friendship work to make it happen but the more i tired the worse it got. I sat back and watched her do things that we never have done to each other in life. I sat back and became her part time friend..the one that ws called only when a question needed to answer,only called when birtday parties are being put together..only be in her presence when others have invited us seperately to an functions. Now I'm not saying i dislike her in any way I'm saying me...sunshine I gave up i threw in the white towel. I gave...she took....I gave some more ..she took some more and at the end of the year we are right back on the page we were 6 months ago. Coming to the conclusion that our friend was going to be dissolved was a very hard choice for me...it saddens my heart to think that in 2010 we may never be friends. I grew in one direction and she grew in another but i guess we never found a middle ground with our friendship. I feel like she excludes me because she feels like i can't relate to what going on in her life...A boyfriend and baby...i guess that makes her so much more different from me. Granted i have no kids but having a boyfriend aint' something that was just invented this year but so be it....its no need to cry over spilled milk right? It was good run while it lasted we had some great times that i will never forget and bad times which made us stronger but somewhere along the line our paths got crossed and we lost each other...Bird told me I shouldn't give up so easily on someone I've been friends with for years but i didn't just make this decision over night..its been maybe 2 years since we have had an rock solid friendship and I'm not sure if we can ever have that again not because i don't want it... because I'm not going to be the one to pursue it I'm tired of trying to make it work...the ball is in her court its her choice to dripple or shoot!!! Because I have taken Sunshine out the game and decided she will ride the bench in 2010. I wonder if she will ever notice that our relationship doesn't exist...I wonder if she will really care that it ended. hmmm i guess time will only tell that one... So I'm bidding farewell to my good friend maybe one day well meet up soon and be like before but until then i close the page on that chapter in my book of life.