Its Over now #30!!!!!!!!!

*runs into room....falls on to couch....and sighs*

So the end has come and it was definitely an experience!!! To be honest I really did enjoy blogging everyday..which I probably will never do again but for the most part it was fun!! Shout out tha unpretentious narcissist for throwing this offer on the table and keeping me going even when i thought i couldn't continue on with this anymore. Maybe in the future Him and I will do it again...hmmmm but i may need to sleep on that one.

and most importantly shout out all of you guys who sat back and read all of my foolishness...the good, bad, non proofread and ugly...and for offering your thoughts on almost every blog y'all are truly the best!!!! So I felt like it was only right for me to challenge others to this 30 blogs in 30 days challenge it did really did open my mind..heart and others things up for you guys to read....

I'm throwing the challenge down on the table for some of my favorite bloggers.....Starrla Monae....Jazzyjaz..Epitome....and Khaki even though those last two heffa probably won't take part at least I tried. and If yall don't i shall feel some type of way abpout the whole deal...lol.......I'm taking a blog vacation from writing but i shall stay reading....I'll Holla!

*pushes yall out the door and slams it*

A Bond We Don't Share #29

Its no secret that my mother and I don't have the best relationship matter of fact our relationship is on edge right now as I type this. My Older sister Kei has always been the apple of my mothers eye and no matter hard she tries to deny it she has made it oh so clear over the years. Even has a child my mother was much more motherly with her than me, she would always include her in things and leave me out. Because my mother's favorite child was her our sisterly relationship was long and rough. It wasn't until probably m early twenties that Kei and I Became close my mother had drawn a ocean between us. Growing up my friends thought it was wonderful that my mother wasn't always on my back she usually just let me do whatever they thought i had the best situation ever. Staying out late at night, coming and going as I pleased all the best of the best stuff but in reality that was not what I really wanted from her. I was jealous of them for having the full force mothers all up in your face and on your back type of mother. I always wanted the kind of mother I could talk to about anything and everything..the one that we did things together but I never got that and still don't have it. Our relationship is kind of a hard one to explain...Sometimes we get along great and the next morning I'm avoiding her phone calls and rolling my eyes when I have no choice but to pick up. I watch my mother and sister interact with each other and I become jealous very jealous they just have the best mother daughter bond and I play the outsider. When I told my mother recently that i was going back to school she acted so uninterested in it just said "oh? who is going to pay for that?" and When my sister had her baby shower 2 years ago my mother included me in NOTHING....She sent me an invitation and that was it. I hate the way she talks to me and she hates the way I talk to her. On more than on occasion we had to be separated at family functions for my mother downing me and my choices in life. I don't think she realize how it was and continues to be for me to grow up in my sister's shadow. Kei has always done everything right and like i heard my mother say one day on the phone to her friend Sunshine just does everything wrong...yeah that wasn't such a great moment for us. I tried to right our relationship several different times but it was like she didn't want to have anything to do with it at all. Because my mother and I are so distant it made a stronger bond for my brother and I plus my god mother and I. I lean and depend on the both of them to give me what I feel like my mother and I are lacking. Its funny I talk about the great relationship my brother and I have but he also has n wonderful relationship with my mother so I guess its just me she just doesn't understand. I live for the dyad my brother is here in MD and cry when his stay is over its hard knowing that once he's gone my support from him will be so far away. My gos mother has always been full force in my life...everything she could do to be around she did it. Every honor i received, school play, cheerleading competition my God mother sat right there next my mother who did show up to these events to be the part of my mother which was missing. I wonder if my mother even notices that our relationship is slim to none or even cares...

Sir, You're MARRIED!! #28

This past weekend I packed a bag and headed off to Richmond Virginia which is probably two hours away from home to see my boo Epitome and get away from home just for a little bit. Of course we had fun doing nothing and you know we drunk a little bit. One thing yall don't know about good ole Epitome is that heffa is a hood dude magnet!!! she probably going to pop me in a mouf for that one but she is. No matter where we go or what we do hood dudes are all over her. smiling in her face trying to buy her drinks all night which we don't mind. So while hanging out in my hotels bar....don't judge us of course she catches the attention of this former hood dude who couldn't keep his eyes off of her. So we ain't had nothing better to do so we sat at the bar with him and his friend who I shall call Juelez. We sat there for awhile making small talk listening to these hood joint try to justify some shit that I can't even remember now and so forth. I had an habit sometimes of paying attention to people that I'm not really interested in...i just like to be a where of who I'm dealing with at the moment in case something happens. Tattoos, birthmarks, hair color i take that all in and because of that men sometimes mistake that into wanting them lmaooooooooo...sorry? Don't get me wrong he was kind of cute but just not my thing...his mouth was too damn smart and sitting on his hand was a wedding band. I learned a long time ago that some men aren't to bright and think that WE women don't notice things like that but oh we do!! we just don't let you know that we do *shrugs* I let Juelez sit back and entertain me talking all that shit to get me and so forth...I even allow him to sit next to me when Epitome got up to leave.....the whole time paying close attention to the ring finger and what was sitting on it. Now I'm sure he thought that everything was everything and he had me bagged until like a good friend should Epitome pointed out what and I quote "So How long you been married? Is that a wedding band?" SCORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *air humps* YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!! I had been waiting for to open the door for that so I could skate right on in with it. Juelez tried to play it cool and say something like it ain't no secret i wasn't hiding it...but i knew that she has just pissed him off!!!! and I loved it!!!! Juelez went right back into his single mode on me once again dropping lines after lines and all i could do was laugh and shake my head at this fool. All i could think was I wonder if his wife knows how triflen her husband really is. Its men like him who makes me wanna start my own to catch a cheater show just to expose him and others because if his wife was doing the same to him he wouldn't be so friendly with my ass or maybe he would maybe he just didn't give a hell but I do. I had to explain to Juelez repeatedly that I, Sunshinestar does not play with other people toys..I'm good with sharing but baby boy was so persistent he kept at it hard, especially when he found out that my time in Richmond was not only Spent with Epitome but Lil Richmond too!! Of course he filled me up with all the hood dream he could come up with..telling me he ain't never met a female outside of his wife that has caught his eye....suuuuuurrrrreeeee you right hunny sure you right. Baby was pressing me like button down on a friday night *nicki minaj voice* Every time I got an opportunity i asked about his wife he would side step it a lil bit but he would answer. I thought it was quite funny how he felt some type of way about me seeing Lil Richmond in the morning..SIR, YOU'RE MARRIED?!? why does it matter who I'm seeing and why I'm seeing that person...First you don't know me dude...i just met you and once again you are married!! that means you already have a owner and its not me nor do I ever want to be since apparently you can't control yourself. And I'm good on all that boo! I guess nowadays being married doesn't really mean much to certain people. Because He not the only male i have ever encounter who was married and still going hard in the paint*waka voice* It just makes me feel sorry for the women who are married to these ain't shit dudes who think they are all about them!! yeah clearly Juelez wasn't ready to be married because he sure enough was trying to make me his Lil side piece.

I just got one question....SO how long you been cheatin' on your wife sir?

Afternoon Delight...

Cullen Jones

D.O.B. 2/29/84

Olympic Gold Medalist

Swimmer

I don't think extremely sexy...but I do think he's cute

He has that whole boy next door..good guy vibe

and I like it!

By My 30th B-day

I made a promise to myself today that by my 30Th birthday I will know how to swim. I know its a shame that I have gone all these year without attempting to ever learn how to swim. Now I don't think I have a real fear of the water matter of fact I'm cool with it i just never wanted to learn to swim. When all the kids were racing back and forth racing across the pool I was quietly sitting on the pool steps watching and thinking "Lawd I hope they don't drown" *shrugs* I knew I couldn't save them so I stayed from away from them and all that. Out of all y siblings I'm the only one who can't swim, each of them got swimming lessons as a child except for me. Rude...right?!? my mother is still trying to convince me to this day That I was a cry baby and cried the whole 2 hours when she took me to the first swimming lesson...I don't believe her but if that if she has to do sleep through the night then so be it. I got a list of things i want to try before I die and some of them would require that I know how to swim..Scuba diving...jet skiing..white water rafting...yeah all of those need me to swim in order to save my life or jump to experience the full affect of the adventure. A couple of yes ago my ex tried to teach me how to swim but I was too worried about getting my hair wet that it didn't pan out so well..he got angry I got bored and quit....lol...Funny thing is I stay making plans to go to the pool or beach all summer long...I like to get in the water I just don't like to swim and I just like to lay on the beach or pool side and be cute!!! Sorry? I always have some fly ass bathing suit i want to show off lol...I know very vain of me *shrugs* So here I am 27 years old and I don't know how to swim and since I'm making changes in 2010 I guess I'll add this to my bucket list and get em done by my 30Th hell maybe I'll learn by next summer so when I take that summer trip ya girl will have that covered....or maybe not lol

Heart Broken #26

I got the invitation in the mail the other day.....and I have to admit it made me kind of sad to see that him telling me that he was getting married wasn't a dream but oh so true. I avoided going to my parents to pick up for days coming up with excuse after excuse on why it was still sitting on there dining room table. I even "forgot" to take it home with me on father's day I just wasn't ready to face the truth.

I sat on my bed for an hour debating if this is what i wanted to do is this what i could handle right now. We haven't been together in years....years but my heart still screams for him. It was me who couldn't get thing together back then and you tried once again when we were older if was me once again who played him to the left. It took many no good boyfriends and some other things to realize how much I needed and loved you but by then it was far to late. We do talk from time to time to keep up with each other I act if I don't care about your relationships and keep mine a secret from him. I never thought in a million years that He would be getting married to someone who wasn't me. I kept my heart and life open for him just waiting for the moment he woke up and decided that him and I needed to be together. Of course that never happened..he called me on my birthday to "talk" but I knew i was coming with something more than that...he dropped the bomb on me that day that he had found someone who made him happy completed what he was looking for and now they were getting married. I wanted to ball up in the corner and cry..getting married?!? and it not me made the world around me feel small. Of course he said all the things you do to spare a persons feeling. He knows me well enough to know that he had just crushed my heart and threw it out the window and I would never get it back from him. He invited me to the wedding over the phone and I declined but I've known him since I was 14 and i knew he wasn't going to give up so easily. So I wasn't surprised when the invite came, I knew he would...he told me once I would never get married without u...at that time i thought he meant I would marry no one but you but I guess i read that wrong. I sat back on my pillows opened the invitations and had to read it over and over just to make sure I was reading it right maybe I missed something maybe it wasn't his name but it was....and so was the date time and location....Yep it was finally real he was gone long gone now....No more leading each other with a piece of string back t each other. I read through all the pieces of paper that filled up my lap now at least 3 times just to get the full effect of it all. I needed to take it all in so my heart could stop beating so fast. I had made my decision about this wedding long ago but looking at his name in bold letters I didn't know if it was the right decision. I'm not going is the first thing i thought of when he mentioned all of this to me it would just be too much for me to go through sitting in a Church. But on the other hand we are friends and always will be maybe I will go show my support he has always been there when i called why can't I do the same for him. But not without a fly dress and an even flier date don't want them to think I fell off. I battle between those two everyday..maybe I'll just RSVP with 2 just in case i can bring myself to sit still and not object at the ceremony. On the back of the invitation I found a sticky note written in his handing writing along with my nickname in capitol letter at the top " I really want you here, it would mean alot to me. It just won't be right or the same without you D..think about it and do it for me".....NOW what am I suppose to do.

Fly Away #25

Today I'm flying away to VA to see my Epitome!!!

SQUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAALLLLLLLSSSSSSSSSS!! Its not the vacation that I want or have planned for but hey its not home and my ace will be there so we can cause ruckus on VA!!! We don't have any real plans but that shall not stop us we always make a party and fun where ever we go!!! So see y'all on the flip side....AND Unlike some other people who will remain nameless..*side eye* and you know who you are but i got blogs coming this weekend!!! the challenge is almost over trying to keep this good thing going.

Open Your Eyes #24

I woke up this morning to my phone flashing to inform me that I had an email waiting on me...which really isn't to strange because all my email accounts are attached to my phone the unusually part it was from my cousin Kiah...We talk on a regular bases at 2 twice a day so for her to drop me a email that didn't look like a fwd made nervous what in the word couldn't she say to me over the phone. Yeah...so I begin to think the worse, all the bad thought raced through my brain as I clicked it open. Once I read the first line I knew it wasn't what I thought but I knew it was going to be something deep. I can always count on her to drop some knowledge on me and bring me back to reality and this one must have been burning a whole in her because she sent this at 3:45am...

At sat at dinner tonight with Shelly and Marquita just discussing life, love, men and sex you know the usually when Marquita said something that made me think of you and touched a nerve with in me too. "I lose interest in men far too quick....I mean I need them to keep me excited and entertained if not its on to the next one" When that left her mouth I automatically thought of You and R and How I have heard that over and over..time and time again not only from you two but countless friends and one point of time myself too. What are men clowns they really don't need to entertain us. In the past I wanted a man to be all about keeping me alive so to say i wanted him to do all in his power to keep me on his mind its not like i wanted him to live and breath me i just wanted him to be overly interested. I learned as I got older and my experience with men continued on that it was I who was so use to men who showed me so much attention because they piggy backed off of me. Of course they had nothing but time to keep my eye they had nothing going on around them so why not..why not make sure that I can't think or see anyone but them...keeping me interested is what I use to call it but now it would just be a waste of my time to keep that sad cycle going. I';m going to tell you the same thing my mother had to drill in my head countless times and what i feel like I'm doing with you, R and Marquita just drill because sometime I don't think y'all hear me. I think y'all think I'm preaching to you instead of trying to show you that I did that so y'all wouldn't have to do it *jay-z voice* You DON'T need a dude who gives you his attention all the time trying to make sure that he is the only one sitting in your thought making sure that your interest is always there. We are too old for all that those were our young and dumb days the days for careless thought and no real responsibilities. Its a good thing that the man of your concentration is busy it means he got shit going on some big some small but busy that would be something you would him to be not leaning on you for entertainment trying to fill up your life and thought. he too has things he needs to do and just like you... him to keep you wanting more...he also wants the same from you. If he was all about you all the time we would instantly label him with thirsty and needy...smh...and you know we would. You need someone who has goals, business and family to take care of. Not the usually who would give up everything to sit in your face. At least you know that he has his mind right looking forward to more than what he has now. We as women always say we want a man with substance but when we finally get one we find a thousand different reason why we lost our eye for him or why it can't work. You going to keep thinking like that we will forever be chasing the ideal man that doesn't exist...spending our time trying to be entertained and our attention being catch instead of seeing the whole picture for what is worth and not living in the right now. Right now he doesn't have the time to shower you with his undivided attention but in the long run who knows where it may lead you. You going to keep thinking like that and you are forever going to be the side chick...that girl he fucks from time to time whenever he needs you or you hit his city never the one he wants the one who occupies his thought the one he is being so busy for...Just think about it. I have personally cut plenty men off because he was so "busy" and not keeping my attention and watched him move on to better life with someone else. I know I told you , R and Marquita that i was done with yall and this shit but sometimes I think we get so wrapped up in our old ways of dealing with men that we don't open our minds to other ways. Not all men are the same not all are going to break your heart and lead you wrong. You need to lead yourself right before he can chase another aspect of your life... I just don't want yall to pass up some very good men just because he can't have you fill his thoughts all the time but hey what do I know!!

Love you

Kiah

I just want yall to open your eye thats it...i'm out.

Go Away Boy! #23

Shout out to everybody who all of a sudden wants that old thing back..lol..going hard in the paint but you've BEEN Benched - Epitome. a.k.a @beigebunnie via twitter.

The spidey sense of all the men in my life...well formerly in my life must have been twitching because they have been on full grind for the past couple of weeks. I guess males can smell when a ex girlfriend or female they use to mess with is seeing someone else because Phillay and Bird have been rare form lately. Now Phillay and I haven't talked in a long time but soon as things with Lil Richmond picked up it was like A signal was sent to him and *boom* he was back...calling my phone...leaving voice mails..and sending my all types of texts all type of times....*blank stare* Boy please!!! he even made plans to come down to DC to visit me....*blank stare** nah sir I'm good on that one.....so very good on that. Yesterday he hit me 7 times...yeah I counted and I sat and looked at his names flashing on the phone all seven time.. Boo just like the quote said it was a reason you were benched I don't resign contracts my team is full.

Now i can't forget about that damn Bird...now him and I still see each other from time to time but its only to do one thing and that's it nothing more and nothing less. But apparently the Batman sign went up for his ass...Now Bird is back like he ain't just have a baby on me a couple of months ago. Almost every weekend has been spent with him....I haven't had time to do shit outside of him(pun intended lol) I almost felt kind of bad a Saturday ago when Lil Richmond called and Bird was laying in my bed but that's neither here or there. He also has been on his phone call and text hustler hard, we never communicate that much.

I love when this happens when all of sudden I become hott in these streets because everyone is getting a hint that some other man maybe taking up my time and my mental space. It makes me feel special and wanted...that is until it becomes a bother like Phillay is doing right now.....Boo stop with all that jazz its a reason I cut you off and you should be trying to figure that out instead of thinking we picking up from were we left off...because that game has been long over. And Bird...*sighs8 he does this often just to see if my head is still with him *pause* that didn't sound right but y'all know what I meant. He's on borrowed time so I entertain his bull because it benefits me...he give me what i want often and I enjoy that.

Or maybe its the season for all that...Some do like to secure A lil Summer time boo thang just in case you need one to accompany you to a location but I Sunshinestar has never been a reserve kind of girl and why start now for these two...Sorry Guys my roster is full and we ain't accepting anymore draft picks!!!!!

My Hell Hole #22

I hate my job!! I hate this job with a passion. I hate it so much that every morning I'm sick from the thought of having to sit in this fucking hell hole for 8 hours...I mean sick to my stomach sick and some days I'm praying to the porcelain goddess because I just can't stand to go..actually thought it was morning sickness at one point..maybe I was pregnant but after countless doctors visits and home test we soon found out it was the job.

Everyday its the same ole bullshit just a different day. I sit at my desk right now listening to the radio because its the only thing that gets me through the day. I think I have surfed every website none to man and spent more than enough money online shopping just to pass the days. I'm thankful that I have a job but this one is not the fit for me. When I first started here it was to give me change of the same ole same ole but this spot is not meant for a young ambitious woman like me. My days are filled with a whole lot of nothing......NOTHING...8 hours of sitting and sitting and sitting. I know my worth to the world is far more than this. I often sit here and wonder how in the hell did I end up here end up in this position. People say it must be great to have a job when you do nothing but have you ever sat at a desk for hours and had absolutely nothing to do...yeah not so amusing at all. I would rather be super busy than having to be this sitting duck. The people i work with are the worse of the worse I think sometimes they forget that I really don't care but they continue to share all of their personally info with me. Plus..I'm one of only 6 African Americans in the building the youngest and probably the most out spoken because these people have to checked on a often bases. This was not the plan I had for myself years ago..stuck in this dead end job barely getting by...Thank god I don't have any children because we would be on straight struggle mode. I get treated like an third class citizen in here and when I miss A day of work its like i sold my soul to do so. When I'm not here my position is treated as if it never exist...no one cover the nothing that I do but when i return there is always a story about how busy it was..BUSY?!?! when ? where? because I'm never busy. They try to treat me as the she'll do it girl...always want me to do the things that no one else wants to do...who am I Peter put off. I'm on full force find a new job everyday I apply and apply and apply........I apply for things I'm not qualified for and jobs that are to far away ..hey you gotta take a chance when you are not happy. I use to fake the happiness and excitement to be here but now I just come to work sit leave and come back with this half ass smile on my face it means that everyone here will leave me alone. I don't want to go to the company picnic nor the happy hour events I don't want tot do shit with y'all people I don't fuck with you when I'm at work i definite don't want to be friends with you off the clock and on my time...The only good thing I can say has come out of this job is motivated me to stop procrastinating and go back to school, I just can't imagine myself doing this shit for the rest of my life nope I just won't let that happen. Being that I do nothing at work I have nothing but free time to go back to school online...I guess I'll be putting this 8 hours of nothing tomy advantage for now

I'll Pass #21

Its not often that I like a male....matter of fact its rare for me to amuse a male for longer than a month... far and in betwee if they last that longn. So when I like a dude its like the second coming everyone is amazed by the situation...hell even I am! I usually get over them fast very fast and eventually I move on to the next one. So for me right now to still be entertianing Lil Richmond is a milestone in my dating life...lol...and I must really like this one because he has me going out of my character and doing things that I usually wouldn't do...*sigh* I was once the type of girl who always accepted new applications no matter what kind of situation I was in...boyfriend/girlfriend..boo loving hard shii i really didn't care I believe in keeping your options open...well I thought I did until yesterday....

I usually never turn down a cute face and a smile and this one was all of that. tall, tatted up because we all know I love boys with tattoos and soon as I saw that neck one he had me *dreamy eyes* I usually don't give light skin men too much of my time because I love them tall dark and handsome but some reason I couldn't bring myself to walk off from our convo. We chatted it up for awhile talking about basketball...father's day...his kids and how i knew Wack Flacka ( which is what we call my cousins baby father) and so on and so on. Let me add he had me out in the Hot ass sun wrapping me up but since he had pretty teeth I let him slide. All was going very well I even thought to myself how this is the first light one I entertained in a long while but when baby boy asked for my number for some reason the world"awww...I'm good" slipped out!! *confused face* I couldn't believe that I had said those words...what in the hell was wrong wit me?!?! I'm usually always down for some new scenery so for me to pass worried me a bit. I thought that maybe I was about to have a heat stroke so I was starting to lose my mind. Or maybe I catch some harsh virus that was impairing my htinking process because I had to question myself for passing this one up. But then it hit me.....maybe I do like this LIL Richmond Dude much more than I lead myself and others to believe. The whole time light skin cutie was talking I was thinking about Lil Richmond.... shocking right!! I'm known for loving them and dumping them...never for thinking twice about new players but for some reason This dude got me doing it. My days aren't complete without hearing from him and if I don't my mood changes...lawddddddddddd who knew that I would be like this...........Not I! I have never..well that I can remember . I guess this all is a good thing for me maybe it means that I'm growing up and getting serious about some thing....

Thanks Starrla Monae !! #20

I had been running out ideas for a blog post since I got month of writing to do so my girl Starrla Monae...yeah make sure you check her out... She gave me a couple of ideas well actually she gave me alot of idea to work with so here goes one of them....

Would I ever propose to a man?

At first I thought this would be a very hard question to answer because I'm more of liberal type chick. I don't believe in some the old way we use to conduct ourselves in the world...I believe we can anything that a man can do and sometimes better but in this case I have to go against all that I believe.

Now I was brought up in a household where my mother did all the womanly things l;Ike cook, clean, and tend to the kids so i said when i got to that point in my life i would never be her but when it comes to marriage and proposal I'm a old time girl at heart. I want the special romantic proposal that he put his heart into. Him getting down on one knee nerves and popping the question to me and of course me crying my eyes out and saying yes. I see that play out in my head from time to time so me proposing a him would be out of the question. Something like that I feel is the man responsibility and not mine. I can't even seeing me getting down on one knee and asking him to marry me...yeah I'll pass on that. My thought on that is if you have to ask a man to marry you its usually he taking too long to pop the question...which to means he is not that in to you and doesn't want to marry you!!! sorry? I believe should take that step of making the relationship so much more than just boyfriend and girlfriend...we can discuss it happening one day but me making it happening my buying him a ring and messing up my leggings by getting down on bended knee probably will never happen. If he doesn't pop the question to me...then hey maybe it wasn't meant to be.

3 Things I Love.... #19

This shirt I have it!! My bday gift from Epitome!!! She is the bessssssss!!

Yes its true I love those 3 three things plus more but right now these are all I want to focus on...not in life just the blog I don't want yall to think I'm losing my mind...lol

SHOES!!

My heart lies with tennis shoe!! Always had and always will!!! I"m a tomboy at heart so I love throwin on a fresh pair with a cute pair of jeans and doing my shopping like that! Hell I have sneakers under my bed right now That I probably have never not once put my foot in since the day I brought them at the store. I just had to have them...When i see a pair that catches my eye I usually buy them on the spot even if i know i shall never wear them i still have to have them!!

Now don't get me wrong I can switch up on you real quick and throw a pair of heels on and rock the hell out of them. I love to buy them too!! I buy them and have nothing to wear with them.....I buy a pair and only wear them once..Its just how my shoe fetish work!!! A tom boy by day and a lady at night!!!!

Boozes

By no means am i an alchy but I do enjoy a good drink from time to time. What I drink usually changes from the mood I am in to the locations of my drinking.

If I'm sitting around in the house doing nothing, watching a movie, folding clothes whatever it may be I'm probably sippin' on some wine. Something light and to the point!! Its gets me right but not quite drunk!

But on the other hand if I'm out with my fam or friends clubbin' or dinner my taste of booze change asap. I usually get something involving vodka or Tequila!! Those two and I have a great relationship with each other they treat me right I treat them right and keep buying them. They always know how to me happy!

And Boys With Tattoos

*sigh* I love tattoos and A man with one or a couple is my weakness...which is funny cuz Lil Richmond has none at all. I love to a nice well defined arm laced with tattoos half sleeves, whole sleeve or just one single one who cares I love it!

Neck tattoos are my personally favorite every time I see one I want to lick it!!! Well maybe not this one but hey it was all I could find! I think some neck tatts change the whole look of a man makes them a little bit sexier.

Chest Tattoos on the right body they are crazy sexy!! The placement of this one of Chris is my favorite spot..once again every time i see a man with one i wanna hop on him and lick wit..only if its sexy!

and yeah these chest spots are quite sexy too!! but only if you have the chest to support it, you can't be running around her tattin' up your lil bird chest and thinking you doing it big because you ain't!

Back tattoos...not many can pull this one off at all!! Many have tired but few have succeed. I love them but i don't get to see them often! I once had an ex whose back was tatted up and it was something sexy because he was in the gym hard but his not so buff friend had one of needless to say it was a waste of time and ink to put that on his back! when i do catch a glance of back tatt i just wanna run my finger across it especially 50 cents! *sigh* weird?

In conclusion I just love shoes, booze and boys with tattoos

Not Feeling It #18

Well, well, well..I thought I had a blog that was going to post for today but yeah I was sadly mistaken. I really don't feel like blogging I'm not having a good morning...i didn't have a good night either but since I made an commitment I shall stick to it.

I should be on cloud nine because My Lakers pulled out a win in Game 7 to become the back to back champions!!!! YYYaaaayyyy..I am excited about it but other things are on my mind that just won't allow me to be the way everyone thought i was going to be....but Shout Out to the Lakers for pulling it off once again.

I haven't felt this feeling that I feel in a very long time and to be frank I don't like it at all but it is what it is and maybe after this weekend I'll feel much better but right now I feel like shit...hell I look like it too! *sigh* I guess it was a good run while it lasted because now I think its over......

My Heart Belongs To Them #17

They have been apart of my life since i can remember!! We use to run up and down the streets together...swing on the swings together and buy nothing but junk from the ice cream truck together. As the year went on and we all got older they strayed to the left and I ran down the right lane. Instead of after school basketball games and school dances they would be posted on the blocking huggin' the hell out of it. I have never once ever judged them on the choice they picked it was just a part of life from where we were from. Hey we grew up with killers, hustler, and drug dealers they took the best care of us so them becoming one seemed like the only way. Some of them did try and do other things with their lives but the streets is what called their names and i accepted that too. My heart lies with all of those boys matter of fact I love those boys to death..I can't spend more than 2 weeks without seeing them or talking to them....they treat me like the princess when I'm around and i love that too but as the years have went on i have watched them disappear slowly out of my life. Drunk driving accidents, murder and drug overdoses have took my boys(that's what my mama calls them) to only a few. I cherish every moment with them like its my last...sometimes against my better judgement I sit long night outside with them while they do what they do. I know its risky but its sometimes the only way i can get some stolen moments with them. My heart drops every time i get the call that something has happen around the way or read that someone has gotten shot, i say silent prayer each and every time that god has spared them for one more day. Over the past 5 years I have sat at 4 funerals for some the closest men t my heart...each every time it becomes harder and harder for me to deal with. I love them boys so much that life without them just become so much more difficult for me. I learned some of my best life lesson from them and when i was friendless they were always there to occupy my time. For every broken heart and car trouble situation i have had they have been there for me..not once have they ever made me feel like i wasn't safe or shouldn't trust them. At night i asked god to bless them with one more day just to see there family, laugh, drink and call me a spoiled brat before he decides to call their numbers. Recently my heart stopped beating with the thought that one of them had lost there life the night before i was on panic mode until i heard the reassuring voice of one them telling me they all were OK and still breathing. I know the life they live isn't right but my life without hem just isn't right for me.

Memories #16

I remember sneaking into my sisters room and listening to her Tupac cassette Strickly 4 my N.I.G.G.A.Z

It was 1993 and I was in elementary school , my mother had banned from listening to the CD saying it was to mature for me but I feel in love with it from my first listen. Every day when my sister left out the house I would go in the room we shared close the door pop in the tape and listening to the album from top to bottom. I memorized the world to the old tape but feel in love with Dear Mama and I get around! I use to mouth the word when i heard the video on the box or in the car I couldn't let my mother know I had been listening to Tupac behind her back. This was my first real taste of "gangsta" rap so t say. The moment I heard Tupac he drew me in and my heart laid right there in rap and as my sister would say the Gangsta boo was born. From the Point forward I had everyone of Tupac albums..I use to save my money for it and get one of my older males cousins to buy it for me since My mother felt his lyrics was way to mature for my young ears. As soon as my love affair with Tupac begin it soon came to tragically his life was taken far to soon and the world never got to see what Tupac could have become.

Even after his death my love affair continued on and he opened the door in my life to more rap music which was never really heard in my house once my sister went off to college. I played that strictly 4 my n.i.g.g.a.z tape until it would play anymore and then I copped it on CD and played that until every last song skipped...lol...I learned each and everyone was his Cd's from front to back and i surprise myself today in the car when the morning show played a Tupac mix and I remembered every word from every song that they played. To this day all of his music holds a place in my CD book and from to time to time I pause to have a Tupac moment. So Shout out to Tupac for being my very first rap crush and first rap CD that I owned he is one of the reasons I'm the rap head I am today.

Happy 39Th Birthday Tupac!

Single For The Rest Of My Life #15

OK..so that banner is not how I feel about anyone...I'm just saying That I am sooooooooo over this love and dating thing so if things don't work out with Lil Richmond and I that this girl right here is giving up on the whole love thing for sure.

I have been doing this whole dating thing since I was 16 years old...trying to find someone well lets not say find but entertaining all these different men with the hope of it becoming something so much more than what it turned out to be. I have had it and done it all..from the good ole church boys to the thugged out bad boys on the corner I have been with them all and in the end I'm getting too old and tired to keep playing this game. Of course like most little girls I dreamed of having it all the perfect man....perfect wedding, children and job but in reality it doesn't happen the way Cinderella tried to lead us to believe. I have given some of the men in my life 100% and in return got nothing so the days entertaining is coming to a close. With Lil Richmond I went outside of my character and did things I wouldn't usually do for array of reason but I decided to let me guard down with him and see what the outcome is...truthfully and this about to take all of me to say but I like him...I like him alot so I'm putting in alot more of me into this one. I feel if all this doesn't go right that I'm saying FUCK LOVE AND FUCK DATING!! I will just live the rest of my life a single woman doing whatever single woman do later off in life hey maybe I'll become a cougar and shiiiii. I've come to the point in my life that I would throw all of this shit in the trash and keep it moving maybe just stick to getting dicked down by Bird for as long as I can make that happen. I'm getting too ld to keep going on this roller coaster of love and dating...Its making me sick to my stomach. I'm sitting back right now and watching all the people around me be "happy" and get married, have babies and that jazz..shit some of these people are on there second marriages hell i can't even get one marriage....not even one relationship to work beyond 6 months *shrug* so I turned myself around a little bit for Lil Richmond to see where that would lead me I'm hoping and praying that it leads me in the right directions and not back to the start gate because if this shit with him don't work I'm calling it all off. I'll just stay single or marry one of my gay friends so we can have a fly ass wedding...if i ever want a child I'll just hit up the sperm bank or call up someone who I know make cute babies and call it a life....

As stated this whole blogging for 30 days straight is taking a toll on my life because I'm running out shit to say.....................and blogging on the weekend is also a no go but refuse to give up!! Especially since ole Unpretentious Narcissist tried to pull one over this weekend with those half ass blogs...yeah I saw that and for the record it doesn't count homie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Feel free to drop me a line or two fro some ideas for some blogs so I can stick to this damn challenge he talked me into!!!! I know I can count of my future Bridesmaid Starrla Monae and Khaki for an idea or two!!!! Don't be shy Help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hmmm maybe i should have counted this as a blog but oh well!:

I need one!! #14

Summer is in full swing and I'm sad to say that I have no real plans at all for it :-( To be honest I never really have anything planned but I had high hopes for this summer until.....I had to buy a new car and it set me back! So i had to give up my Miami along with some other summer trips because baby girl needed new wheels!

I guess I had a little get away when I went to Virginia Beach fro memorial day but that wasn't really the kind of vacation I was looking forward to! I wanted crystal clear water, palm trees, and sitting under a umbrella sipping' a margarita kind of vacation. I enjoyed myself but I felt like it was just to damn close to home...I need a plane ride away to feel like i was in vacation mode. These are one of the few times I would like to have a little boo thing because this seems like the time that everyone and their boo things are getting there vacation on *sobs a little bit* or maybe even a little vacation with me and my friends just hitting the beach but we are all on different pages so I'm sure that isn't going to happen anytime soon. I am taking a time out and going to Richmond to see Epitome and Lil Richmond and of course I can't wait o see my boo...Epitome but it's still not the kind of vacation I'm looking for. It would be wonderful if somebody else would pay for a trip for me that would be the best thing ever but I guess I'll keep wishing and hoping for that one but in the mean time I'll get to planning for next summer maybe a cruise or two! *shrugs* who knows

But I Love You Anyway.... #13

For years I have known that my little cousin is gay...well ever since he was a young boy i have known. He was just a little off or odd so to say. he never really did too much boy like things or spent to much time chasing girls. When he was in high school he once told his guidance counselor he thought he was gay and all hell broke out among the family..everyone acted like it was the end of the world so He went into hiding well that's what I called it. He went into man whore mode just to prove that he wasn't gay and everything would be fine. he went to prom a thousand times..sexed up girls left and right but I always knew all of that was just a phase to bring everyone off of the edge.

About a week ago he finally after years of knowing he finally came out to me. By no means was i shocked just shocked it took him so long to admit to me. He was more shocked i knew all this time and never asked him about it. I just don't think that's something you say to them 'hey..so u gay right" ahhhh no...I would feel some type of way if that was done to me. I listened to him explain to me why it took so long for him to tell he never really gave me an direct answer just the whole if others want to know maybe they should ask spell down. I think it was more of being afraid that we would judge him or disown him..because after the high school thing that would send into hiding too!

I love him no matter what! We are family no matter what and my love for him runs far deeper than who he likes in his spare time. Of course it will be an adjustment for me but that i can get over not having him in my life because he is gay is something I wouldn't be able to get over. So I love him anyway!

I Might Be!!!! #12

You must smell like an ATM cuz dudes with money love ya ass-Epitome

Yep that heffa said that to me not to long ago when I had to defend myself against all these flaw acsustions that I'm a gold digger...Who me?!?..NEVER. I often make jokes about wanting to be an trophy wife but in reality I have never...well let me not say never entertained a man because the number of zeros in his back account.

Now back in my wild and crazy days I would have to say at one point you could have classified me as a gold digger to a certain degree...being that i only entertained street pharmacist who was making bread but that ended and I grew up. I've heard from people who I thought who knew me to people who don't know me at all that I'm a gold digger but I would call myself more of gold finder. I only happen to run into to men who make a little bit more than the average man..I don't hang where the ballers be, my ex boyfriends aren't all athletes or celebreties nor do I ask a man what there 401k is looking like. I will say because of my relationship with certain people i do get to be surrounded sometimes by men who have healthy careers and bank accounts but its not often that i entertain them at all. Now a gold finder is what i see myself as men who have a little bit of bread seem to like me....*shrugs* I have no real idea why because honestly I'm not a very nice girl at all. I know I shouldn't say that and some would disagree with that statement but I'm not too freindly with strangers but i guess that is what catches their eye. I never get over excited about certain situations or people I would rather not and I feel like the less groupie u are the better chance you have on being noticed...some people should right that down and take a note because that may take you far in life if you trying to gold tend in your spare time. For anyone of those $$$ men I have entertain or remain in my life as we speak is there not because they can get me into the best spots, front the bill for me and my crew or pick up the tab at the mall..they are around because I like something in them. When I see them I don't see what other may see the money making machine I see who there mama or sister may see the real them with no gimmicks. I do enjoy the perks that come with them but itsnot why we are freinds at all. Some people around believe that is why i have them around but truth be told if they had nothing I would probably still be happy to call them my friend.

I can see where some people would look at me and say gold digger because I do caryy some traits of that but in my defence some of that is because I'm just nosey and just want to know. example of one of my bad habits>>>A male once told me what he did for a living me being nosey I google to see what his salary range was....I know I know quite gold digger like , sometimes i like to see what I'm working with in life....yeah so that sounded bad but i just like to know if I lost it all tomorrow and we were together would you be able to pull the weight alone until I found my way back...... is that so wrong?

You know what after saying that out loud...shiiii..I might be!!! lol..and if i am I wear it with pride!

SIDENOTE: Let me say first say that this 30 day blog challenge has been much harder than I thought it would be.....I'm defintly runnin gout of things to write about...but i refuse to give up and let I am tha unpretentious narcissist remain standing tall...lol....

U's a Lie #11

The other day while watching TV I ran across this ever so passionate commercial that kind of drew my attention. When it first started I swore it was going to be one of those eHarmony/match.com commercials trying to convince me that through them I could find true love. Flashes of a woman walking through a lounge/club in her little black dress comes first...next she meets a man and the intense music comes to play...now the same man and woman are standing out front of a church celebrating their wedding day...now she's pregnant and the edges of my screen is blurred and now a toddlers runs across the screen into the arms of its awaiting parents which happen to also be the same couple.......awwwwwwwwwwww so special so cute I thought to myself they are really trying to push this whole online dating thing but wait this isn't for that...this is for Target!!!

Wait Target are u for real?!? *bbm Straight face*

Now I'm a proud Target shopper...They have everything I need and everything I don't need all in stop for me to blow all my cash on and I love them for that. But are you really trying to brainwash me to bank on that any of your dresses that occupy the sales floor will find me true love....a marriage and a baby?!?! Well target I have brought alot of things from your company from shoes to food and nothing magical has ever happened to me ever... I have brought countless dresses matter of fact I just brought a little black dress from you guys a month ago and yeah nothing..I didn't met Mr. right while hanging out...no marriage or pregnancy and beside me toting my god son around there has been no babies either. Oh Target all this false advertisement has really hurt my heart. Don't get the hopes of single woman just like me all up about what a brand new target dress can bring me when that ain't never happen for me...*sobs* and trust me I have a a target dress in many of colors of the rainbow and have yet experienced any of what this girl in this commercial has....shiii if that was the case I would have been married plenty of times I'm sure to array of men with array of children to match the deal but sadly I guess I'm just picking up the wrong shiiii out of target.

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Yeah, Target If It Was Only That Simple!!

The Line Leader #10

I have never been the type of female to sit back and let another person lead. I'm usually the one who come full force out the gate jumps to the first of line and lead the way. Hell almost every one of boyfriends or man I entertain I have lead the way for them...I shined the light of the path and they stood behind me and did what I deemed best for us and that was how liked things. I just like to know what to expect even when the unexpected is coming...no surprises for me. in elementary school I was the line leader I just continued with that through out my life...Sorry?

But I decided to go into this thing with him....and for sake us confusion lets call him Lil Richmond...much different than I had in the past with all the other males in my life. So against my inner voice telling me don't do it I took off my follow the leader hat and let him try it on for a change.....*cover eyes* Its an scary feeling to relinquish all that control onto someone else...Not being control kind of makes me nerves because I have no idea where he is going lead me. Since the moment I met him I made a promise to myself and other that I wouldn't control this situation like i do all the other and that I have stuck too. Whatever move Lil Richmond makes I usually feed off of that and that's how things have been operating so far. Its hard not to fall back into my old ways and grab the steering wheel and steer for the both of us but it is kind of a refreshing experience I may add. I guess in life you are suppose to let the man lead but I'm a control freak....I'm trying to change my ways but sometimes i feel like i know whats best for me and better yet the both of us *shrugs* hey blame it on the fact that I'm a Taurus and That is what we do!

My big panties are officially on and I'm going to keep this thing going but if this shit doesn't work out I'm going right back t be the conductor of this train!!!!!

I's Married Now...#9

Dear Reformed Hoes,

I understand that you got married in some cases, found the lawd and/or Allah had a baby or two but that does not change the fact that just a couple of years ago you was going at the streets hard and the dudes was loving it. Any mention of your name to this day its the screw face from men and women because we all recall the days when your name meant nothing but sucking and fucking so for you to think present day that any that has changed for you.

My mother always taught me that birds of a feather flock together and I ain't never been a hoe bird so why would I want to be apart of your flock now...Because you got married? yeah so your husband is a damn fool or maybe because you now surround yourself with new found friendship but they happen to be reformed too so yeah I'm good on all that. Kudos to you for changing your life but mine ain't never been that kind of bad so no change for me. I see all the rt and the follow request u hit me with but yeah I have a no hoe policy and that includes you. True you do roll with of my own but I even draw my line with her too! You couldn't be trusted then and you still can't be trusted to this day one thing a zebra can never change and that is their stripes so yours is posted to that ass for life. Not your husband, his friends, your friends or any other person shall change my mind about you or your actions. You might be trying to do right by the world but when i see you all I see is what you shall always be a hoe.

So..NO i don't want to be your friend...NO i don't want to participate in anything you are putting together...We speak in public we don't even speak in private so would you think we are any sort of friends. I'm cool with your husband not you...we only have one real friend in common who doesn't share your hoe way and that still doesn't make us friends or friendly or we joining your group....so [lease give me a break.

Thank you in advance

Sunshinestar

Remeber Me #8

When I saw his name flash across my caller id I rolled my eyes but the curious part of me decided to answer the phone. Oh Phillay I haven't talked to you on months probably not since hell maybe late December early January. He had to be laid to rest even though he had what i wanted in a future anything he still was thinking like an horny teenage boy and I'm far past that.

I closed my eyes soon as he said hello not because I was taking in his raspy voice but because I knew i had a made an mistake. Of course he hit me the small talk...The Who, what, when , and how everything in my life has been going and being the jerk I am gave him the simple answer didn't want to give him to much of an conversation piece. the chit chatting last for awhile..I asked him a thousand questions and and in return he returned the favor soon I got bored with him was getting ready to end this little catch piece when he said..."I'm going to be in Dc this weekend maybe we should go out and do something" *side eye* Do you mean like a date...yeah so I'll pass on that one and keep it moving the first and only date we ever had phillay thought that was one of the hood rats he usually entertains in PA and I was suppose to give up the coo coo quick fast and in a hurry...*pause* and that didn't happen and now you have labeled yourself as one of those...that dude who ain't never had a respectable girl and doesn't know what to do with them dude. I declined very quickly...I guess to fast for him because he wanted to know why...hmmmm..I thought about lying and telling him I'm going out of town or that Epitome was going to be here or that I got a boyfriend but hey what for?! the truth will set you free right....So i was honest its not a good idea because we certainly have nothing at all to really talk about. I ended this whole fiasco because it was going nowhere. Clearly we are on two different pages and frankly i don't have the time or patience for you to catch or rather i slow down and wait for you." I'm sure in his head he called me all kind of bugie bitches but hey the truth hurts sometimes. Phillay never really reacted off of what i said he just ended our promptly

LOL...Sorry Phillay better luck next time...and not with me.

Love Of My Life #7

I can't even remeber my life before he fell into it. Whenever I need him he always has my back...from phone numbers to direction to get from A to B he always pull through for me. Of course we fight and fuss but at the end of the day I love him with all my heart!!!

Who You ask am I talking about...it would my.....

TROY!!!!!

MY BLACKBERRY

Troy is one of the loves of my life!!! We go everywhere together, we has seen alot of places and done alot of things. Sometimes Troy and be a little bugie at time and we fight and battle about the things I want to do but in the end I always win the battle. Troy has been by my side through the good and the bad.....he always has my emails ready and knows where I am in a drop of a dime. He holds on to some of my most important information under lock and key. Occasionally he even hold thought for my blog so I would lose them because lawd knows my memory is the worst.

I do give Troy a break sometimes and we don't accept any phone calls just bbms and gchat days so he can get his mind right. Troy hasn't done me wrong and the great relationship we have I hope he has no plans to but when he gets to hanging with his friend Latarian he does come back a lil shady but with time he remembers where his heart is. Although I love Troy with all my heart in July I'm going to have to let him go and get the newer version of him...

I don't want Troy to think I'm leaving him fro another its just minor upgrade to make our lives better...a little plastic surgery ain't never hurt nobody!!

I LOVE YOU TROY!!!!!!!!!

Sometimes...#6

Sometimes I want to grab the phone and call her to share something amazing with her but I don't. Other times I want to call so we can hang but I don't

I want to be a friend to her...a better friend to her

but I just think we are just in two different places

and it maybe best it stays that way.

Our friendship was built because no one else wanted to be friends with us, so we formed a bond. We had some great time, we also shared some bad one too. She was my shoulder to lean on when I thought no one else understood and Stood next to me holding my hand as we laid to rest Roshon. Living life without her being just a phone call away is odd...very odd. We have been through his once before awhile ago when we didn't speak for awhile but of course I was the bigger person and sealed up whatever the problem was and back to being friends we were. This go around I just the energy to do it again. She changed awhole lot once she got a boyfriend ...you know what she changed alot. She's the type of person who gets herself so wrapped up in a dude that's she loses focus on alot of things. She felt because she was all booed up that I should be too and I hate that shiiiiiiiiit. I guess she felt like i can't relate to her because I'm single and babyless but so be it. I once thought about mending whatever problem we had but I'm tired of being the big girl about shit all the time, I don't have the energy to baby her this go around. I feel we to ooooooooo old for all that lets rub your back and make it better shit. Plus she hasn't not once attempted to contact me not once......so i guess I'll just let this whole friendship burn.