My Heart Belongs To Them #17

They have been apart of my life since i can remember!! We use to run up and down the streets together...swing on the swings together and buy nothing but junk from the ice cream truck together. As the year went on and we all got older they strayed to the left and I ran down the right lane. Instead of after school basketball games and school dances they would be posted on the blocking huggin' the hell out of it. I have never once ever judged them on the choice they picked it was just a part of life from where we were from. Hey we grew up with killers, hustler, and drug dealers they took the best care of us so them becoming one seemed like the only way. Some of them did try and do other things with their lives but the streets is what called their names and i accepted that too. My heart lies with all of those boys matter of fact I love those boys to death..I can't spend more than 2 weeks without seeing them or talking to them....they treat me like the princess when I'm around and i love that too but as the years have went on i have watched them disappear slowly out of my life. Drunk driving accidents, murder and drug overdoses have took my boys(that's what my mama calls them) to only a few. I cherish every moment with them like its my last...sometimes against my better judgement I sit long night outside with them while they do what they do. I know its risky but its sometimes the only way i can get some stolen moments with them. My heart drops every time i get the call that something has happen around the way or read that someone has gotten shot, i say silent prayer each and every time that god has spared them for one more day. Over the past 5 years I have sat at 4 funerals for some the closest men t my heart...each every time it becomes harder and harder for me to deal with. I love them boys so much that life without them just become so much more difficult for me. I learned some of my best life lesson from them and when i was friendless they were always there to occupy my time. For every broken heart and car trouble situation i have had they have been there for me..not once have they ever made me feel like i wasn't safe or shouldn't trust them. At night i asked god to bless them with one more day just to see there family, laugh, drink and call me a spoiled brat before he decides to call their numbers. Recently my heart stopped beating with the thought that one of them had lost there life the night before i was on panic mode until i heard the reassuring voice of one them telling me they all were OK and still breathing. I know the life they live isn't right but my life without hem just isn't right for me.