Heart Broken #26

I got the invitation in the mail the other day.....and I have to admit it made me kind of sad to see that him telling me that he was getting married wasn't a dream but oh so true. I avoided going to my parents to pick up for days coming up with excuse after excuse on why it was still sitting on there dining room table. I even "forgot" to take it home with me on father's day I just wasn't ready to face the truth.

I sat on my bed for an hour debating if this is what i wanted to do is this what i could handle right now. We haven't been together in years....years but my heart still screams for him. It was me who couldn't get thing together back then and you tried once again when we were older if was me once again who played him to the left. It took many no good boyfriends and some other things to realize how much I needed and loved you but by then it was far to late. We do talk from time to time to keep up with each other I act if I don't care about your relationships and keep mine a secret from him. I never thought in a million years that He would be getting married to someone who wasn't me. I kept my heart and life open for him just waiting for the moment he woke up and decided that him and I needed to be together. Of course that never happened..he called me on my birthday to "talk" but I knew i was coming with something more than that...he dropped the bomb on me that day that he had found someone who made him happy completed what he was looking for and now they were getting married. I wanted to ball up in the corner and cry..getting married?!? and it not me made the world around me feel small. Of course he said all the things you do to spare a persons feeling. He knows me well enough to know that he had just crushed my heart and threw it out the window and I would never get it back from him. He invited me to the wedding over the phone and I declined but I've known him since I was 14 and i knew he wasn't going to give up so easily. So I wasn't surprised when the invite came, I knew he would...he told me once I would never get married without u...at that time i thought he meant I would marry no one but you but I guess i read that wrong. I sat back on my pillows opened the invitations and had to read it over and over just to make sure I was reading it right maybe I missed something maybe it wasn't his name but it was....and so was the date time and location....Yep it was finally real he was gone long gone now....No more leading each other with a piece of string back t each other. I read through all the pieces of paper that filled up my lap now at least 3 times just to get the full effect of it all. I needed to take it all in so my heart could stop beating so fast. I had made my decision about this wedding long ago but looking at his name in bold letters I didn't know if it was the right decision. I'm not going is the first thing i thought of when he mentioned all of this to me it would just be too much for me to go through sitting in a Church. But on the other hand we are friends and always will be maybe I will go show my support he has always been there when i called why can't I do the same for him. But not without a fly dress and an even flier date don't want them to think I fell off. I battle between those two everyday..maybe I'll just RSVP with 2 just in case i can bring myself to sit still and not object at the ceremony. On the back of the invitation I found a sticky note written in his handing writing along with my nickname in capitol letter at the top " I really want you here, it would mean alot to me. It just won't be right or the same without you D..think about it and do it for me".....NOW what am I suppose to do.