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The DMV, United States
I'm young, black, single and fabulous!!! Trying to live my life to the fullest before its all said and done with . I'm just trying to figure it all out!

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Monday, January 17, 2011

The Other Mother...




"When is it ok to be the other mother?" that is what my friend who we shall call Five-O ask me today will she didn't quite ask me she was just making a statement. As i sat and listened to her talk about she doesn't really know what her place is with her fiance's children...i thought to myslef dang i'm sure alot of females asked themselves that question everytime they get in a relationship with a man who children of there own....I haven't personally asked myself that question yet but after our convo I thought the same about Lil Richmond's children.

Five-O expressed to me that she just doesn't know how to handle certain situations with them especially when you are not their mother... What is the appropriate thing to do in those kind of situations. Do you offer some kind of discipline when they act out or do you just be the other mother who doesn't know what to do? Do you engage in questions and conversations that our suited for a parental role? Those are some of the unanswered questions of the Other Mother. She is going to permanent figure in their lives and around for a very long time but how do you figure out what your role is in all the extra things in the kids lives. Of course no one wants to step on the birth mother's toes or go beyond your role but when you the other "mother" that is around how do go about anything. I have never been placed in the other mother role ever...maybe one day i will be but i have only really dated men who had smaller children where i had an answer for all those questions.

my Question is When is ok to be the other mother? how do you decided what you should and should not do? Who makes you one of the parentals when their biologically ones aren't around and is it ok to be the other mother?

2 comments:

★Starrla Monae☆ said...

This is a topic that frustrates me...on one hand, I don't see myself playing stepmom but as I get older I have to realize that there is a possibility that any dudes I date may have children. The only thing I can say is that the parent shouldn't allow the child or children to be disrespectful to their significant other...that rule right there has to be put into place! Of course you don't want to step on toes, but at the same time, you don't want some child trying to pull stunts either.

luvlymskrissy said...

I've had pretty good experience with this topic. I try and befriend the child/children. Let them know I'm not a threat and we'll be cool. My boyfriend has 2 children and I adore them both. His son and I are friends ( he's 13) and his daughter is a sweetie. I don't discipline her. I let her dad do that but I do make sure she respects me ( she's 3) I think when kids are involved and they feel the new person is a threat to their happiness its not gonna be a good situation but when they like you, trust you and you guys can be friends it'll be a positive experience.

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