It was all fun and games at first. The long conversations, the trips two hours back and forth to see each other it was all just because...just because I needed something or someone to take my mind off of all the that occurs in my world....forgetting about Bird, ex boyfriends getting married, friends and family issues..Roshon it was an escape from it all. I never thought that all our laughs, jokes, and deep talks would lead us here...right here... right now. I usually run away from situation like this I'm quick to back up, pack my things and head for the hills when things get too deep and that's exactly what part of me wants to do...she wants to find something wrong with him...something wrong with the whole situation and not like him anymore and trust me i have tried my hardest to do but for some reason he just keeps pulling me back *cues Chingy and Tyrese* but the other hand wants to play the hand I'm holding wants to throw it all out and see where this road leads me...see where he leads me but............................. My heart beats fast every time I consider it and get to sweating maybe its my fear of commitment...no its not commitment i fear its being hurt that i just don't want any parts of. I know that is not how I should conduct my situation with him but the thoughts of all the past relationships that went wrong...the tears, fights, cheating and disappointment take over my heart and it just wants to shut down and post a closed sign. When he poured his heart out to me and told me how his feeling are for me...I paused i wanted to say so much to him..i wanted to place my heart in his hands but that fear took over and I just digested it all. I know he was dissatisfied with my reaction but i just couldn't wear my heart on my sleeve i just couldn't be to open for him. I have given him alot of me...alot more than i ever expected to do, this was suppose to be a short lived thing between us just something to pass the time around but the time has gone and he's still here. Still dealing with my smart ass, demands and mood swings oddly he understands me understand why i do the things i do. He knows me far beyond the mac foundation and lip gloss..he knows the real me and accepts her for who she is. I can be not easy to get along with be he finds a way each and everyday. For all the things I hate about him are the same reasons i love him...whoaaaaaaa..lets say like about him. He calm demeanor, his smart mouth, his busy schedule and the love he has for his kids are all the things that I want the man I choose to be be with to have. So why I keep running from him or as my friend Melissa would say being scared of...I have no idea. Maybe it's his love i'm scared of or the love i have for him...he honestly has pushed me in the right direction and showed me what love is or how its suppose to go. I'm so use to protecting and holding my heart close that opening it up and giving it up seems foreign to me. So right now I'm standing at the window weighing my options do it let all my fears go and jump or crawl back in and continue to hold all my fears close.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Monday, September 27, 2010
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Friday, September 24, 2010
Thursday, September 23, 2010
- I'm a hood rat @ heart! lol..its true. One thing i have learned is how to conduct myself in an acceptable manner but i do know to dig up my inner hood rat who I call Dahnica if need be
- I have never been in love! I know what it's like to love someone but I have never experienced being in love.
- My middle name is La'Shelle...which i had been spelling wrong for years until i got a copy of my birth certificate! Thanks mom!
- I wear black often very often but my favorite color is purple
- My name was suppose to be Ryan Thomas because my parents were told i was a boy before i was born...SURPRISE!
- I have a fear of heights but on plane rides I have to sit next to the window
- I was bitten by a brown recluse spider almost 4 years ago and almost died from it.
- I hate those vampire movies and show...true blood, twilight, vampire diaries I just cant get with them.
- I love Rubber Ducks!!
- I have named my niece Kyndan, god daughter Amiyah, friends babies Ny'Lah and Jarhon and god son Rahsaun! I rock at picking names!
- I hate tomatoes and don't eat them at all
- My friends call me the Oreo of the group
- Summer, winter, Fall and Spring I sleep with a fan on and if its not I can't sleep.
- I can't do a cartwheel or black flip...which is odd because I was a cheerleader for years
- I'm in love with Jacoby Shaddix of Papa Roach and the host of scared! Don't judge me
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
A letter to someone who has hurt you recently.
Dear You hurt me,
I'm use to hurt just not the hurt coming from you. We have been through so little but so much together that when the words left your mouth and your feelings were exposed it daggered right through my heart. All the laughs, smiles, tears and sweat was all the past because the present was that you wanted to hurt me. I pulled you close because i thought i could trust you, thought that what we had would last a lifetime and when everyone was telling me to cut the cord because you didn't fit into our world, our lifestyle, our circle I didn't, I just pulled you closer and prayed for the best..but clearly the best never came and not alone that but you managed to hurt me too. The hurt you caused me wasn't anything out of the normal...wasn't anything to be sacred by but hurt is hurt and you caused it for me. As I felt the daggers you threw my way hit me I thought my feeling would never heal that hurt would never go away and i will confess it hasn't fully healed i can sometimes go back to that wound and open it back up once again. I was once going to call, text, send a letter a post card to talk things through but my pride mixed with my hurt won't let that happen. Maybe its best that my hurt stays fresh that it never leaves my mind...maybe its best that what we had is over and that i have no real desire to fix it or make it better. I guess the hurt you caused left a imprint on my heart and my feeling..... So to you I say i hope life treats you great gives you all that you deserve and more but our time ran it course and i learned the hurt you pushed upon me is much more loyal than you.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Monday, September 20, 2010
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Friday, September 17, 2010
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Monday, September 13, 2010
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Friday, September 10, 2010
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Monday, September 6, 2010
A photo of an animal you’d love to keep as a pet
I was torn when doing this post, I have been fascinated with tigers since I can remember but to keep it much more realistic I decided on the Sugar Glider. I first saw these little critters while in the mall and it was a stand for the Pocket pet which happened to be them. I think they are the cutest little things I learned that they are very smart and can learn their name’s to come on command. I don’t know why I want one but I do…but they are $$$ so getting one is probably not going to happen.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
A photo of yourself two years ago
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Day 4 – Your favorite photograph of your best friend
Friday, September 3, 2010
Your idea of the perfect first date
The perfect first date hmmmmmmm...lets me see...Despite what most people think about me I'm a simple girl I like simple things. I feel like the first date isn't all about the glitz and the glamour, its not about how much you spent on the date or trying to impress the person beyond belief. It’s about getting to know the person standing next to you. So my ideal first date would be something simple, something where we are NOT sitting in a room with many other people struggling to hear each other or focusing on the outside noises. I trip to downtown DC is always great... Take a walk around to view the monuments but not during peak time so to speak when all the tourist are running around snapping picture and being lost, instead evening hours when the sun is setting the dark starts to creep in. The monument sights become much more meaningful around that time...it would be great personal time to walk, talk and also take in the scenery. It gives the time and space to have open dialog learn a thing or two about you and that person. It wouldn't be a quick date because DC is loaded with many places to stop observe and learn...from the Lincoln Memorial to the World War II Memorial its lots to see. If walking around is not what we want to do we can take a moonlight monument tour same theme but just involves someone riding us around instead of walking. After the touring is done maybe catch something quick to eat ice cream, hot dog nothing too fancy that would break the bank. That's probably it just simple as can be.... I think the first date should be about the two people who are sharing the moment not trying to make the moment far bigger than but it has to be. Its the little things that count so much more...
Thursday, September 2, 2010
A photo of something you ate today.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Day 1 – A photo of yourself and a description of how your day was