Every weekend i say ..i'm gonna post picture from the weekend and ....they never make it...but this time they have...LAdies night wit my boo thangs@ the Melting pot!!! I love them chicks!
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
I did my usually Monday night routine of lying in my bed and watching Love and Hip Hop Atlanta. Along with that my friends and I talk about the ratchetness that conspires the next morning. Now if you don’t watch it or just don’t know K.Michelle who is the ex GF of Memphitz who happen to be Toya Carter’s current husband. Well, K.Michelle has made it no secret that her relationship with him was crazy and always high strung, so high strung that one day he hit her. Allegedly, not just hit her but beat her down. Now on the preview for the next episode Rashid, who is a friend of Memphitz questions, how sincere the whole he hit me story was. *rolls eyes* that whole comment struck a chord with me for more than one reason… Who are you to even question something like that?!?!?! Even if you don’t believe her how dare you part your lips to say something like that? Ok, I understand that dude is her friend but really ma’am?!?! Maybe the person he is now is not the person you can see doing that but you don’t know who he was before you met him and married your friend. I don’t doubt that he was evolved but doubting the truth to her story is not the right move. Personally, I have no reason not to believe her story, he even admitted to the lesser of him beatin her, only stating he choked her. Now this morning I had a conversation with a “friend” and I use the term loosely about this upcoming episode and I couldn’t even begin to understand her view point…period…now I don’t share with every single friend I have about my past dealings because well everything aint for everybody but this morning was different. She goes on a rant of hell, K.Michelle aint got no receipts, no police report no nothing. Smdh, I’ve been there and I have done that before and when you think you are in love you never want to see that person hurt or make him look bad. So I understand why she made the decisions that she made, I made the same one. It bothers me that someone would ever question something like that, I know that some women lie about things like that but I give anyone who makes that claim the benefit of the doubt. Who in there rightmind has the time to come up with a story like that and keep it going for so long!?!?! Frankly, its takes a strong person to admit to the world I was abused by this man and make moves with her life and career. Looking past a situation like that can be a hard task and I know from firsthand experience that it can be a huge obstacle to overcome and move one…especially with another relationship if that ever happens. It just makes me sad to know as a women Rashid would ever go against a statement like that, that at any given moment or time in her life she could have been in the same shoes and to be doubted from another female has to feel like…..I don’t think there is any words to express the feeling one has to experience at that moment.
Monday, August 6, 2012
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Honeyyyyy..It’s ok to be alone. It’s ok not always be attached…it’s ok to sleep alone at night…it’s ok not to be a part of a couple. Trust me love, it is perfectly ok to be alone. Take time out for yourself, be a singular instead of plural trust me it’s ok. Jumping from relationship to relationship is not a good look for you at all. You don’t need him to define you or make you stronger I believe you can do it all on your own. It makes me wonder about you and what is going or has gone on in your life that you have become a relationship jumper. I have watched you meet a man..fall madly in love and move right on in with him., not knowing too much about him. I have wiped your tears and came to the rescue when that same dude changed the locks and put you out. I swore that was awake up call for you but in a drop of a dime you were right back with him. When u finally ended that relationship I was so proud but then in a drop of a dime we were right back at the beginning…this time with a new guy and before I knew it in love u came out your mouth and living with him was the move. I didn’t bother to voice my opinion because I know you just don’t know what it is like to be alone. You can’t be happy being a relationship jumper, you can’t be happy with living from boyfriend to boyfriend and thinking the slightest feel you get from him is love. Being interested has that same tingle don’t be confused by it, Love. I am forever your friend but your friend would love for you to do better…loooovvvve for you to do better. How would you ever know who you are if you are always a part of a team, ride the bench sometimes, take a moment and breathe without sucking in stale air. Hell, find a hobby besides relationships because to be quite honest you are not very good at those to begin with. Ride solo for a minute, let the wind blow through your hair and once the ride is over find a man…..but don’t jump too fast back into his home…in his mentions. Define you first ma’am before you define yourself with a man ending the sentence. I can’t really blame you too much for your way, I know where you come from, you were kind of misguided I just want you to make it better, not being part of a pair before you even know what it is like to be by yourself. Ma’am you are making yourself way to available to these dudes, you are way too dependent on them, giving up way too much control…..Do you ever have the desire to sleep alone…layin the middle of the bed instead of the left side…Do you want to feel like you are completely on your own, instead of being a dependent and for that much you could’ve stayed at your mama house.
Don’t be the girl who needs a man, be the girl a man needs.
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
HER: I mean I date them because…well…I date them because I know they are able to commit, clearly because they already have a wife or girlfriend or fiancé. So I know that he is not a afraid of commitment….
ME: *confused face* what are you talking about ma’am? Commitment.. He aint too committed if he is seeing you in his spare time!!!
I love her to death, I’m not saying she is a bad person but lawd knows sometimes I wonder who and why she was hit with the stupid stick. Was she really trying to give me a great argument on why she dates men who already in relationships. Ma’am really?!?! Now my girl Smarty is not a bad looking chick and matter of fact she is pretty damn cute, has a job, her own place and takes great care of her child so when she makes the bad life choices all I can do is wonder who and why was she hit with the stupid stick, cuz at this moment stupid was jumping out of her pores. I usually don’t inquire about her dating life because we just can’t agree on it but today I guessed I might have just been bored and wanted to know why. Why would you put yourself in that situation? Why would you want to be a side piece to a man and not his main and only girl?!?! I knew this would be an interesting conversation if she didn’t jump into her defensive mode and shut up down like she has a habit of during, her famous line is you just don’t understand and she is right I don’t. Even after our talk I still didn’t get it…well I understood for my own reasons why she does but not the ones she tried to led me to believe.
Of course she gave the one reason I knew she would..the sex is good…smdh…
Me: So you can’t get sex with single men? Is that what you are saying?
Her: No, I’m saying that attached men just have more to prove. Single men don’t care they figure hell I’ll just find me another chick who will deal.
I was kind of shocked of the second reason she gave me, because she just isn’t the type I would think would seek this out but….I guess I under estimated her. The power she feels from the “relationship” is liberating she said…
Her: I control the pace of this relationship, I make the calls, I says what or how things are going to go. The power is amazing I’m sure his girlfriend or whomever doesn’t get the power that I have.
Me: I guess *sigh*
Happiness,we all want it and we seek it out no matter what we will admit to or not but happiness is what we all want in our relationships and Smarty is no different. I was confused on how being the other woman makes her happy.
Her: our whole relationship is built on MY happiness; he does whatever it takes to keep me happy. From trips, cash to just quality time he is always on it…..*stares out the window* you know what that brings me back to power….he keeps me happy and my happiness first because he knows I have the power to turn his life upside down if I desired to so.
Me: So basically, he has no choice but to provide you with everything you to ensure your happiness because if not you will make sure he feels how disappointed he is.
Her *sips wine* well if you want to put it like that ..Then ok *shrugs*
Commitment…..She knows he knows how to commit…yep she said that he is not afraid of being with one because he has proved that he can do it…I guess.
Her: He is not afraid of commitment; he clearly knows what it likes to be with one woman. So I know when the time comes that he could be with me….
Me: Oh really?!?! Do you really believe that Smarty? Like really? Commitment? Committed? Ma’am he is not capable of that if he is seeing you!!!! He doesn’t know how to commit, he is clearly living two lives…Is that what you want for yourself….He would never just be about you…ever.
I love Smarty again..to hell and back but this right here made me judge the hell out of her. I wonder if she lives in her own little world thinking that an already committed man could ever be just with her. If he is willing to cheat now he will do it again and again again, same script just a different cast. I just didn’t have the time to debate and listen to her foolish answers so I ended the conversation shorty after she spoke on commitment. I had heard enough, there is nothing..nothing good about dating a married man. Karma is a bitch and I’m just about sure it will be biting Smarty right in the ass one day.
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
I didn’t realize how much I love lil scrappy until I started watching Love And hip Hop Atlanta. I don’t if its because I love southern men, or I do love a thug from time to time or the fact that I’m a huge hornball. What I do know is last night’s episode confirmed that I’m in love with him. So back in the day when I was in love with thugs Scrappy would’ve been the ideal man for me, the sensitive thug type…the type of dude who will put his paws on a dude in a heartbeat but needs you show him so love and affection when he comes home *le sigh* back in m young wild days n I use to live for a thug or two…they were so much fun..lol..And gave me the right amount of aggression that I needed. But those days faded out and I grew up and knew that was not the life I wanted to live. I just couldn’t imagine myself still doing hoodrat stuff at 25, or 30 or 35……nor did I want a my future children to be judged when their father shows up to the parent/teacher conference with a tattoo on his face….lol….So I woke up one day and started my rehab process of leaving thugs and their thugs ways alone. But I do like a man with a little thug in him….a couple of tattoos and on an occasion or tell me to shut the fuck up…smh or as Scrappy would say I wanna put his paw on him…lawddd *fans self*
Lawd let me come back to reality……*deep breath* Scrappy is officially my thug crush and it brings me great joy to know that I will see him for the next couple of Mondays to satisfy my thug love. Its just something about a street dudes, with pretty teeth, tattoos covering their bodies, a hot temper and a craszy mother that just turns me on!!! Scrappy has all of that and I think I’m in love!! LOL
This came about after watching Love and Hip Hop; Stevie J got his side piece pregnant. Well, of course me and a couple of my friends had to discuss the show and the question was asked…COULD YOU STAY WITH A MAN WHO GOT ANOTHER CHICK PREGNANT? All of our answered varied from yes, no, maybe…only if and so on.
Well, once upon a blue moon I did that…I stayed with a boyfriend who had went out and had a baby with another person. *pauses for the gasps* now that is over let me say at the time I thought I was in love, I lived and breathed him, he was everything I thought I wanted in a man until….He dropped this baby bomb on me, well actually he didn’t the other chick called me…we met up and she told me all that I needed to know. Needless to say I walked away from that convo numb to everything around me. When I confronted him with my new found information he denied it for a loooonnnngg time and since I was blinded by his “love” I believed him, we never spoke of that baby until the day she came into the world. He jumped up one night and sprinted to the door and I heard from him 12 hours later when he told me that the baby was his and she had arrived. I remember sitting at the foot of his bed crying my eyes out and wanting to throw up. So here I was standing at a crossroad to stay or to go, now back then I just knew he was going to be my husband, I thought my heart only beats for him and because I didn’t want the baby mama to have him I stayed. That was one of the worst decisions I had ever made in my life. I spent the next couple of months trying to accept this new baby and the fact that he gone all the time to spend time with this baby. I thought that I could move from this we could be together I was sadly mistaken, I envied the attention the attention the baby was getting and couldn’t trust him as far as I could throw him. If he was seeing her, which I found out he continued to see who else was he seeing….oh and that list was long.
If I could do it all over again…I would have NEVER stayed with him…never ever ever. What is done in the dark always comes to light and it did for him, once the trust was gone it was nothing left for us..nothing at all.
My question to you is COULD YOU STAY WITH A MAN WHO GOT ANOTHER CHICK PREGNANT?
Monday, July 2, 2012
So there is a story behind this…..We had a huge storm hit the DMV Friday night, while I was getting my nails done…smdh…lights go out but no need to worry my Celeste the best nail tech in the world continued on all by candle light!! Lol…the struggle was so real!
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Blogging has been a struggle for me lately….mostly because nothing interesting is happening in my life currently. I take that back something has happened but I’m not sure I want to blog about it yet and if it turns out for the better I’ll let the blog world know. One of friends recently disclosed to me she was pregnant….I didn’t know what to say part of me was crying inside because I probably will never have that and the other side was extremely happy although she didn’t act like she felt that way….
I feel like the summer is just speeding right past me. These long days and short weekends have left me blinking and being right back at work. I know I need a vacation because my body is tired….very tired…I just want to lay back on a beach, sip liquor and not have a cell phone nor laptop to bother me.
I thought I was going to be hurt much longer because one of my “friends” didn’t show up for my birthday dinner but you know what …I wasn’t I mean I honestly wanted to be because we use to be so close but now I’m more like fuck it. I’ve tired…and tired but I can admit that what we once shared is gone…especially since I haven’t heard from her since I declined to attend a kid’s party with her.
What can I say about the relationship that I’m in………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. it is at it’s struggle point for a list of reason but as much as it is a struggle I love that boy…even with all the disappointments I can’t get him out of my system…..so I thought but yeah….I’m gonna hold off on that until the summer plays it out and then revisit we will do.
School is has taken over my life along with work…it is just not enough hours in the day for me to read these chapters, answers these and questions and write a paper every week. Shit I barely have time to eat sleep and work ….Randomness……
Friday, June 15, 2012
Now…if you don’t know let me tell you that I’m a rap head if you jump in my car right now you will find anything from Too $hort to 2Chainz but wait there is always some good non rap music in my car……that lead us to why I’m writing this post…
So today I was searching on datpiff to listening to some mixtapes I have not given any play to and I ran across Song About Her by Emanny. I have heard of this guy before from one of my friends and I will admit I paid her no mind and had no interest in this light skin brother……but…I love this mixtape…Its been for heavy play for the past couple of hours at my desk and Im sure the men I work with are truly over the cd but IDK!! I loved it so much that I’m sharing a song or two with you guys…..these are my faves…….
My boo tunred 3 years old this month!!! and i had no clue that it would even last this long...when i started it was because i was bored at my former job but now I really do enjoy blogging and reading some of my favorite blogs...I swear nim going to try so much harder to blog often but everything in my life is actually calm..who knew?!?!? I will knock one out for next week i swear!!!! And I need to get back on my afternoon delight tip...Lawd i miss it...
So once again thanks for reading and most importantly thanks for blogging yourself i truly enjoy all the blogs i read....
Happy Birthday Again U don't like my opion that's fine!!!! wow 3 years!!! let's make it to 4
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
My feeling got hurt today….and for me to confess to that must really mean it bothered me. I never really express or tell anyone when they have disappointed me or hurt my feeling but trust me it happens and sometimes often. I was brought up to never let them see you sweat, so I never do. I think sometimes I give too much, I do it without seconding guessing myself and never expecting anything in return, my huge heart has gotten my feelings hurt…a lot…a lot…Today is really one of those days. I spent most of my day excited about a date that was supposed to happen, I was excited about the place and just spending some time with a friend without us checking the time or rushing from place to place. Now this date has been supposed to be happening since my birthday, yep a month of cancelling and rescheduling, so when we agreed on today..well actually is was supposed to be Monday but of they cancelled I got excited…I needed the mental break it was gonna give me a moment away from work, school, Lil Richmond just some well needed giggles and conversation. Just as soon as the excited set in it was quickly put out by the text saying…Yeah, today is not good for me..I kinda knew this was going to be the way things were gonna go but I rolled with it. So I spent the next 30 minutes trying to arrange a different day and time just to the point where it became more a task than anything else…So opted to forget all about it as a whole it was going to be September by the time this all went down. I set myself up for this kind of hurt feeling because I have a big heart so I would find a way to make it happen if it was me and I give others the benefit of the doubt that they will do the same and that is not always the case. When it doesn’t happen even for my “birthday” it bothers me and I tell myself it won’t but it does. I tell myself that ill take mental note of that and not go above the call of duty for that person but……I always do anyway. This friend and I have been friends for 10 years now and this is how it always plays out for me and them. I know the hust must be strong cuz im blogging about it any person could’ve done this and I probably would’ve been mad and then shook it off but this time I couldn’t or just can’t. I guess this just how the cookie crumbles for me.
Monday, May 21, 2012
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Anyway keeping in tradition of my blog let do what I always do….. my grammy award speech *clears throat*….*runs to the stage*
First, thank God for granting me another day and another year of life. I once questioned my faith in god after I lost Ro, I see more and more everyday he is always taking of care me.
I’ve learned a lot about myself this year…I learned that I’m capable of forgiving, which was something I struggled with. Also, I learned don’t be scared to beloved and love, I love hard so I’m always scared that its not gonna last but Lil Richmond is holding on strong. He definitely filled a void in my heart that I once had..I thank god for planting him in my life. Last but not least I learned that this year I’m a little bit stronger than I was last year…times have been extreme hard this past year but I got through it and it has made tougher than before.
I got lil bit of plans this weekend..maybe some drunken fun pics will land itself here…we will have to see.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
*trying hard to find it in the bottom of my purse*
Friend: what you doing chile?
Me: At Old Navy before the rift raft wakes up and turn the store upside down
Friend: *sigh* already girrlllaaa you don’t play lol
Me: Yeah, had to cop some stuff for my nieces and Lil Richmond’s kids their bdays are right after mine
Friend: Girl, why u always spending your money on them….they are not your kids
Friend: I’ve been with Andrew for 6 years and have never brought anything for his daughter nor do I plan too.
Me: well, that says a lot about a lot of things and I’ll call u later
Friend: to each’s own right?!?
This conversation with her weighed on my mind heavy for days maybe because I really didn’t understand where she was coming from…well I kinda did but was she for real. You been entertaining a dude you say for years and not once thought of his daughter? Like never? Do you think he hasn’t took heed of that?!? Because trust me he has and mental noted the kind of person you are. I was always taught that men with children are a packaged deal, if you want to have a chance with the man. I guess I can respect what she was saying but I would never forget about the kids because who knows those could be your step children or the reason why you will never be nothing but his girlfriend for the rest of your life. Maybe she never got the memo about men with children but she should damn sure read it, because if the kid or kids don’t party with you he usually doesn’t either and I would never want that for him nor me. I asked her what if you were the one with a child who you want him to never take heed of your child? Would that be ok? And the answer made me mad…”I wouldn’t care” but ma’am you should and im sure he does and if he doesn’t what kind of man is that? I’m not a big fan of men with kids but at this age most people have them so I accept it and I never forget about the children at all. I never want them to feel left out of what is going on or rather not accepted by me. I think some females forget that men with children are a package you just don’t get him without the children. It says a lot about your character when you show no interest in the kids, do you think you can marry this man, have his baby and he will forget about his other children ma’am that will never happen..Ever. I would never personally..if I had children deal with a man who could care less about my child, I might entertain but the relationship would be so short term. I Don’t think she knows how hard I judged her after this convo, I mean it spoke volumes to me…huge volumes on the type of person she is and if he doesn’t care about her not being interested in his child the kind of men she likes. When you gain a man who had children, you gain the children like or not.
I use to love Basketball Wives, every Monday I would tune in non stop to watch what drama was gonna take place. From Tami and Evelyn to Tami and Meeka I wanted in on it, but this season I couldn’t even bring myself to watch the crap anymore. I only tuned in last night for a brief second to see this crazy shit that all the blogs were talking with Tami. I was shocked by her high school mean girl actions to think she was once my fave on the show. All I could was smh at the actions of Tami who had the nerve a couple weeks ago to say that she is being bullied*confused face* ma’am really?!?! Bullied?! Yeah ok. From the moment Kesha stepped on the scene Tami strong armed her and last night I couldn’t believe the shit that was going down nor could I understand why Kesha ain’t pop Tami Rowan ass right in the mouth. I also read Tami’s weak ass apology for her action and I laughed at how dry it was, she also blamed the producers for the portrayal of her on the show and how they only show them acting crazy. Ma’am its being showed because that is what you did, NO ONE made you steal Kesha purse go through her phone and put on her sunglasses you did that on your own trying to prove that you are the baddest bitch….
I stopped last night and laughed at how these chicks believe that Shaunie is there friend and all she does is furnish the non sense and encouraged the foolishness..She is the puppet master…her name is the executive producer so you know what that means she ok’s everything that is filmed on the show…maybe they forgot that. Do they never take heed that you never not once she anything with Shaunie take place..Nothing..No drama at all…ok that lil incident with Gloria 2 seasons ago but she is also on that payroll too Basketball wives LA she executive produces. Every time I watch the show I get angry and have to turn the station, I can’t believe the stupid shit that goes on…Jennifer gets popped in the mouth by Evelyn’s assistant, Evelyn hits Jennifer in the head with her purse…Tami bullies Kesha, Suzie is just being stupid Suzie it all makes me sick to my stomach, also I’m always trynna figure out why these chicks never react….let me tell you this it would be nowhere in hell that after some of this shit goes down that I would be still on the show and not punched a couple in the throat. The show is pure trash and I knew that from the start but I just hoped that the people casted on the show would see that too but I think they are more concerned on the $$$ and their 15 minutes of fame. With that said can wait until we RIP basketball wives because I’m certainly over the trash!