Love Lost, Love Found

At this first Parent/Teacher meeting I didn't think that I would fall in love and this guy would be my husband. I wasn't even thinking about love at that point of time in life, I was still healing my heart from losing my husband while serving our country in Iraq. I lost my husband and my heart shut down, the only love I was thinking about was my children. I can't remember much of what was said in that parent/teacher meeting but I do remember him telling me how I need to talk to someone about the death of my husband because my children were worried. I wanted to cry the moment he acknowledged my husband's death, it was years later and I as still healing my wounds. I never answered him that day just nodded grabbed my purse and left. I left and found myself confiding in him, why? I don't know something about him made me comfortable. That whole school year he tutored my children, signed my son up for football that he coached,became my friend and father figure for the twins.

My children moved on and were no longer in his class but he was still around being a friend for not only me but the children also. I found myself feeling much more than friendship for this man, I called him everyday he came by ever weekend as our friendship grew so did my love for him. I was torn between my husband and this man, who listened to all of me, held me while I cried about not being able to grieve or say good bye, he consoled my children when thoughts of their father flooded their hearts. I didn't want in any way to forget about my husband but I didn't know if it was right for me love him either. I vowed my life and love to my husband on our wedding day until death due us part and how could I allow myself to love another man. I pushed him away and he came back stronger, we begin to date and my children loved it too. That broken feeling I once felt in my soul had loosen up, I was once again happy I haven't been happy since my husband death.

I thank my husband every day for putting this man in my life, I take him as gift from him. I know not in a million years that he would have wanted me to be alone and not love again. I know he wants nothing but the best for me and the best is him I also thank Miss Sunshinestar who gave me the support I needed to finally love again. Last I thank Him Breon Turner, for being that love that I lost, I thank him for showing me that I didn't have to give up my husband to love him. I thank him for loving my children and helping me find myself again. I lastly thank him for not giving up on me and dealing with my struggle and thank you Breon for blessing me with your last name.

I had once LOST LOVE, decided never to love again for fearing that I would loss that person too, then I FOUND LOVE,I will never again fear losing love because my first love brought this this love to me.

- Tania White-Turner

Tale from the force

It was my first day working my beat alone and everything was easy going until I got that call on my radio. Dispatch, called my number and I was officially in cop mode, I hit my sirens and stepped hard on the gas and I off to catch my first real criminal. When I pulled up everything was in pure commotion, fire tuck roaring, children crying, people screaming I had to quickly get control of the situation. I took page after page of description of what my assailant looked like and as I stood there talking to one last person I could see my culprit just feet away, of course I dropped everything and chased after him. He saw me coming and took off full speed, he ran faster, I ran faster, he turned the corner, I turned the corner finally he hit an dead end and there we were looking at each other face to face. I tired to coach him into giving up but I could tell by the look in his eyes that was not an option and before I knew it he stopped and was running towards me!! My heart was now beating out of my chest, I froze I didn't know what to do next, all I could think was just don't let him get close to you so I RAN!!!

The running began but instead of me chasing him, he was well on my tail. My mind is racing so fast I must've forgot that I had a gun on my hip the whole time, I reach for it and fire one shot, the running stops. I prayed to every god in the world that I hadn't killed him and then asked for forgiveness just in case I did. I walked up on him slowly and got in arm length and the assailant jumps back up!! I couldn't believe this, he just was not going to give up. I turned to run and get a little distance in between us and tripped over the curb and find myself laid flat down on the ground and him approaching fast. I grabbed my gun one more time and fired shots until he wasn't moving anymore. I catch my breath, get my heart rate back normal and finally stand up by this time my back up had arrived and standing next to the assailant. I got over to them and I could hear the snickers and laughter coming from them, their eyes water ed with tears from laughing about my life or death situation. I didn't see any humor in it at first he could have ended my life or harmed me brutally. I stood back and looked at my first real police job, no need to call the detectives in or the corner, I had killed my first DOG! lmao. I can look back on it now and laugh although it left me on desk work for 6 weeks.

Oh by the way I feel so special to know I'm the first to pop Sunshine's guest blog cherry!!! yay me!


-HisMrss

I miss he!

I miss he!!! I never thought in a million years I wold be saying that but I really do miss him. It has taken my years to admit this but I do, I know our time together had to come to an end for multiply reason the main one being I grew up and got smart fast and he relationship had to burn. A couple of weeks ago i thought fb friending him but i didn't want him to know he still crosses my mind.

I probably shouldn't even feel this way especially if i went into detail about how bad our relationship was...lawd knows it was extremely bad but when we weren't trying to be lovers and being friends he was good at it. He took me alot about life the good, bad and ugly of it all. Its been 7 years since we had any type of contact with each other and it was my call but at that time I needed the break from him more than just a break. Now I find myself thinking about him alot, even thought about getting his number from one of our mutual friend to speak with him but I'm not sure if that would end well. Instead, i stalk him on fb..lol..and check on him from time to time with a mutual friends. We even run into each other from time to time because of these mutual friends but because I'm a jerk I never give him more than a hey. If he only how sometimes I yearn for his listening ear and his asshole advice, we laughed alot and shared something that I once consider special...and it ended and now i want that old thang back!

How Did I End Up Here?

This is definitely not the job that I signed up for. In the interview they both made sure they painted a very clear of what is needed out of me but now that I am here I see that I do everything but what was painted to me. Yep, i got hood winked big time with this job and after only 1 month...yes 1 month I'm already plotting to get the hell out of here. SMH..I was out of work for so long that this job fell into my life at the perfect time i thought everything would be great...yep that is so far from the truth. I do everything for my boss except wipe her ass...When i say she does NOTHING...I men ABSOLUTELY NOTHING for herself. I handle it off not just business but her person work too..smh I handle so much of her person affairs that I don't have time nor the drive to get my own business taken care of. I spend my days talking to her insurance company about her person car accident, her iphone issues, landlord problem anything that has nothing to do with work...yep I'm all in it.

and I have been her a month and i count how many times she has physically came into the office to work...she usually leaves me on my own to figure it all out with no training about much of nothing. Oh lets me mention when she is here she sits in one spot all day lonnnnnggggg, drinking nothing but coke, pepsi and every other dark soda she can think of. I can't believe this is the same woman who has MS but does nothing in her power to do anything healthy to improve her health. I've been here for 30 days and I have almost quit every week since i started...its really that bad. Last friday I hit my breaking point when she sent me the rudest email in reference to a couple of questions I had with "why do ask so any questions, what am i even paying for for?" oh really, I'm new and need some things answered because you clearly don't answer your phone, when I'm trying to get answers from your clients who are ready to pull out on you. I nicely called her and explained to her in my black girl behavior because I think she has lapse of judgement when she talks to people and explained to her you will respect me no matter what the case may be, along with some other things like me not being her child or girlfriend so you need to address me correctly. It took everything in my body, spirit and soul not to pack up my belongings and walk out that door and never look back. I have to think Lil Richmond for calling at my time of need and stopping me from jumping off of the deep end because I am stand at the edge about to jump in.

I pray every morning that I can make it through the day with flipping the hell out because this job will drain your spirit, i count down my ours at work everyday and it brings joy to my heart to know that thanksgiving her coming soon and that means i won't have to see these people for 4 days...4 whole days to get my mind right.

Switching it up a little bit....

I decided after reading KellztheDiva's blog the other day that maybe I should switch the game up a lil bit and add some guest blogger into the mix...I love going to other blogs and reading things that their guest or mystery writers have blogged..i think it keeps the blog fresh and full of surprises I don't know exactly how I'm going to do this or whom i'm going to recruit to guest blog but if any of you are interested or have a recommendation of some people holla at me....sunshinestar110@gmail.com

Let's pray this goes well!