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The DMV, United States
I'm young, black, single and fabulous!!! Trying to live my life to the fullest before its all said and done with . I'm just trying to figure it all out!

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Thursday, November 17, 2011

Love Lost, Love Found

At this first Parent/Teacher meeting I didn't think that I would fall in love and this guy would be my husband. I wasn't even thinking about love at that point of time in life, I was still healing my heart from losing my husband while serving our country in Iraq. I lost my husband and my heart shut down, the only love I was thinking about was my children. I can't remember much of what was said in that parent/teacher meeting but I do remember him telling me how I need to talk to someone about the death of my husband because my children were worried. I wanted to cry the moment he acknowledged my husband's death, it was years later and I as still healing my wounds. I never answered him that day just nodded grabbed my purse and left. I left and found myself confiding in him, why? I don't know something about him made me comfortable. That whole school year he tutored my children, signed my son up for football that he coached,became my friend and father figure for the twins.

My children moved on and were no longer in his class but he was still around being a friend for not only me but the children also. I found myself feeling much more than friendship for this man, I called him everyday he came by ever weekend as our friendship grew so did my love for him. I was torn between my husband and this man, who listened to all of me, held me while I cried about not being able to grieve or say good bye, he consoled my children when thoughts of their father flooded their hearts. I didn't want in any way to forget about my husband but I didn't know if it was right for me love him either. I vowed my life and love to my husband on our wedding day until death due us part and how could I allow myself to love another man. I pushed him away and he came back stronger, we begin to date and my children loved it too. That broken feeling I once felt in my soul had loosen up, I was once again happy I haven't been happy since my husband death.

I thank my husband every day for putting this man in my life, I take him as gift from him. I know not in a million years that he would have wanted me to be alone and not love again. I know he wants nothing but the best for me and the best is him I also thank Miss Sunshinestar who gave me the support I needed to finally love again. Last I thank Him Breon Turner, for being that love that I lost, I thank him for showing me that I didn't have to give up my husband to love him. I thank him for loving my children and helping me find myself again. I lastly thank him for not giving up on me and dealing with my struggle and thank you Breon for blessing me with your last name.

I had once LOST LOVE, decided never to love again for fearing that I would loss that person too, then I FOUND LOVE,I will never again fear losing love because my first love brought this this love to me.

- Tania White-Turner







1 comment:

Newy said...

That was beautiful. That was your 1st husband's way of telling you it was ok to go on, that you honored your vows and it was only thru death that you did part. I choked back tears as I read this.

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