Change

I haven't blogged in a week..*sigh* I really don't have much to talk about anymore...lol.. or maybe that month of forcing the blogs out that has given me a little bit of writers block *kanye shrug* You know what maybe i do have a couple of things to say.

I have to admit that over last couple of months I have changed alot, all for the good i think, well others wouldn't see it that way but its all for the greater of me. I use to be so much more tight knit so much more guarded I have learned to let that down a little bit and try some new things and to my surprise i actually liked it...alot. I once would have sat in a room full of people or things that I just didn't get along with or just because to please the others around me, sitting and being miserable no smiles no talking just being there, I had to let that go asap it wasn't doing anything but bringing me down. I hate feeling like shit is being forced upon me and I use to do these things to please the ones around me but in the end I was the unhappy one so I cut the cord to that too! That might have rubbed some people wrong in my life but hey sometimes things ain't always about making others happy. I'm finally taking time to stop and focus on me, see what makes me happy, sad, and what I want to do with that. I had to cut out some of the things i was so use to doing like being every body's everything all the time. My mind and body was tired of trying to make the world happy without me being happy first. I realized it alot of things that i use to care about that just don't mean that much to me anymore. I use to but so much emphasis on how other felts about the things I did and said that it just mattered to me too much. I saw that some of the people around me was so concerned about how i needed to be there for them, what they needed me to do that they never stopped and looked at what I may needed at that time or so on...Now I see things so much more clearer...I see that I just may have been convenient to some people My life was full of alot of selfish people i had to let go, some of them i shall miss, others not so much. Everyday I discover something new about myself that I either suppressed or never recognized. I feel like everyday a weight is lifted off my shoulder as I grow and discover so much more about me. I've changed alot of bad habits and picked up a few too.....I've changed y thinking and some of my lifestyle...i needed change in my life, I needed a new me. I spend so much more time doing that make me happy...lol..some you may understand others probably not. I was once scared of change...... scared to let go...scared that people wouldn't like the person I would become but it took someone...it took more than one to give me a push on encouragement for a hand to hold so I wouldn't be alone. "You have to love yourself first in order fro anyone to truly love and know you. Know who you are and embrace you first before you can love and embrace world" So that's what I'm doing..lets see what shall come of it.