You Watch Porn?!?..Oh My!

I learned quite some time ago that you can't share your porn watching habits with many males at all because in their little minds they try to judge you! I never thought that I would be sitting in a room full of men and I would be the one they are judging...lol..I'm sure they had all kinds of thoughts running through their heads when I confessed my porn watching habits but not many dared to open their mouths. A long time ago i would have thought it would have been the females in my life who would have passed judgement upon me but oooo no it alot of us who share this secret. If it wasn't for me bring up the matter at hand I don't think my friends would have ever shared how much they watch porn. I'm often surprise at the reaction I get my men when i name a porn star or say "Oh I've seen that one" I watched one of my closest male friends side eyed me and said you are not suppose to watch porn...you a girl! ya'll don't do that...*stupid face* what?!? we don't do that?! Women are the top buyers of porn, we are a little bit more open then men apparently.

I thought at first my porn watching was abnormal and that i shouldn't be but hell i got over that and continued to tune into a porno a time or two. Hell I've learned a thing or two from pornos and sometimes i watch just for the amusement purposes, where else can yo catch so much bad acting in one area besides a Tyler Perry show...yep Porn. I have heard it all from men when it comes to me watching porn, some assume that i'm just freakin any and every body, other think i'm holding some type of nasty fetish and they want to see what it is, I've been called a nympho, nasty...the list goes on and on but if they would take a step back and think about it benefits them. Now i'm saying all the males in my life have passed judgement upon me for watching porn cause some of them say shiiii, can you get my girl into or you think my chick is watching it..maybe ...maybe not but for those men who know i watch porn in my life and appreciate we have the best conversations about sex and pron ..hey sometimes you need a females understanding and insight.

Hey if porn is good for them its good for us...

March?!? Here Already!

I woke up this morning and realized that its March and February was finally over! I probably should have been jumping for joy that we are getting closer to spring and my birthday but February was an expensive but good month for me. I dropped big $$$ on alot of shit, my god son, Lil Richmond, my father, Valentines day it all was in my pockets last month but all in all I enjoy February *waves good bye* I kept telling myself last month oh i'm going to blog today or no no i'll do it tomorrow, or before February is over I'm going to write about that...now look it's March and I haven't done not a single blog that i had roaming around in my head. Some will make it to the spot sooner or later and the others not so much one because their are some who will rename non blog worthy i wish i could share but yeah since i know a couple of my friends read this i will spare them and myself the drama *shrugs* some things are just left unsaid...so I won't speak on it. I'm going to try my best to do some blogging this week because class starts back up next week! lawd help me!!!!!!!!!!

Afternoon Delight

Serge Ibaka

D.O.B. 09/18/89

Oklahoma City Thunder

I would like to thank the country of Congo for blessing us with him!!!

Random Thought Of The Day...

Ooo, JHud how love theee..oh JHud you lost all that weight and now your head looks to big for your body!

So the wedding Invites are starting to roll in...*straight face* I'm over it already...where is my knight in shining armor or a shining BMW either or!

One of my friends said to me today I like girls but love dick?!? hmmmm...I'm still confused by that statement but its does explain alot.

Sent a nasty text to my brother that was meant for Lil Richmond :-/>> my life hasn't been the same since.

I need to invest in a hood dictionary because Listening to my little cousin talk and I was totally confused about what he was saying.

I just got upset because this fool didn't know who Kurt Cobain was? Lawd where was in the 1990's

Inmate wives of Baltimore?!? Need I say more...smh

I once was in love with Chad OchoCinco...I have now moved On to Braylon Edwards...I just couldn't move on from that engaged thing Chad i just couldn't.

Studiogenius was right and I was wrong...I shall never confess that again.! ha!

I NEED A DRINK!!! Sometimes i can just smell the patron from a mile away.

I dislike Oprah...alot.. and i don't care! ...lol

I promise i'm gonna stop playing go to the gym....lawd i be trying...

My sister is having another baby and it kinda made me jealous *wipes tears*

I forgot where I saw this but it made me think of my ex and how I will never be ready for that moment.

So disrespect to the natural women of the world but yeah yall can be out of the pocket sometimes. I my hair permed please stop hitting me with the motherland....white America stuff I'm good on that..thanks..

My mother, my mother...just wen I thought she couldn't get any worse she proved me wrong..smh..lawd if she wasn't my mother!

Can I put Rihanna under Oprah on the dislike list...oh yeah....all the Kardashions too!

I think my Aunt just tried to call me a Gold diggin' Hoe on the slide just now...i might have to cut her...lol

I miss those little moments I use to share with a couple of people who aren't in my life anymore or I've just grew far away from....I want those moments back.

I think I'm looking for a personal assistant, instead of a husband. He must cook, clean, run errands, be good with kids, sex he wonderful and his feet can not stink!!

l

Don't Make FB your Diary

I had long decided that Facebook was a place of entertainment not a place to connect! Besides stalking Khaki ass on the there...lol..I spend my times laughing at the fools who put all there business on FB...are you serious?!? All your baby daddy drama, cheatin' habits and beef you just gonna post it on the world wide web so the whole world can get a glimpse into how stupid your ass really is. and of course I'm highly entertained by all the foolishness and bullshit i see everyday often i'm ashamed that even know some of these people and also thankful that i have no contact with them outside of fb cuz lawd know i don't wanna be apart of any of that bullshit. Usually I'm not irritated nor bothered my the foolishness that I see but today some lame shit caught my eye which had led to this blog.

While scanning through the pic that people post I ran across this dude that I personally think is lame as can be he is one of those dudes who try too hard and because one chick gave him some play he think he is gods gift to women..*side eye* I flipped through his pic to see how he was stroking his own ego today.. and paused at a folder label Nikki Monae...I don't know what made me click the damn album but when i did i couldn't believe the shit i was seeing and reading. There was picture after picture of a cue chick, at first I didn't think much about it nor read the comment until i realized the pictures were getting racier and racier as i clicked and then I realized that these photos was person shi that she probably sent while in a relationship with this lame dude. I go back to the beginning and sart reading the comments....smh...smh...smh...the shit i was reading was upsetting..mostly him talking about how much of hoes she is and inbox him for her number so he can let whomever have her number so they can find out for themselves....i click another pick and its him talking to his cousin via comment about how he keep a bad joint on his arm and this bitch deserve all the drama he gonna send her way.. * extreme straight face* Are you serious dude?! Did you really just do that?!? So what grade are we in?!...the more I clicked the more I wanted to punch him ..that had to be BITCHASSNESS at its finest *looks around for Diddy* . I swear I only thought females ever did shit like that but apparently i was wrong..... Facebook is not your diary, you not be on there posting your deepest darkest nor showing how bad a chick broke your heart by trying to get back at her on FB. Frankly sir its make you look weak and a bitch doing some petty shit like that you might thought it made her look bad but in reality it showed how much of a lame you really are. I'm sure some people forget that Fb is not the place for your personal affair, i guess sometimes people get caught up in the moment and find it a great place to vent *straight face* but its the world wide web people that shit can be viewed by just about anybody we has access and what you want is for this people to know your inner most thought...you think people care in reality they are laughing at your silly ass for being blinded to think that Facebook is place for that type shit. I swear it needs to be sometime of disclaimer when writing status, posting wall comments and new photo albums reminding people that facebook is not your diary please keep your business to yourself because I'm sure you are in the process of embarrassing yourself!

Death to Facebook the Diary!

I Needs A Break

I didn't realize how it was going to be to work full time, go to school full time, still have a social life and have a relationship with Lil Richmond, oh and look for a new job. For the past couple of months I have felt completely drained i haven't had the energy to do much of anything. My Friday nights are usually Homework and studying night and so is Sunday when I'm stuck in front of the computer for most of the day trying to finish up as much as homework as i can. The only relax day is Saturday which usually isn't because I'm out doing something wit somebody just to relieve some stress. Even At work in between working I'm doing school work, which might i add I FUCKIN HATE SCHOOL with a passion but a promise is a promise to myself and I have to finish it. Work is draining the hell out of me just because it is sometimes pointless i could be at home sleep or doing more school work then sitting here looking stupid for 8 fuckin hours and the job search thing is draining me to because its more time i have to spend doing something else adding more to my list. Not to mention sleep is like foreign to me now...well it always has been but since it is so much added stress in my life I'm lucky if i get 3 good hours of sleep without me waking up every hour for no reason at all...% hour energy has become my best friend and we get along so well for those 5 hours that it spares me. IN the middle of all that i still got to find time to spend a lil quality time with my friends and of course Lil Richmond...well in his case its not really that hard for us because every time we see each other is scheduled so i know when its coming but my friends is a whole different story..I tend to spend most of the time i set aside with certain friends which I once felt bad about until i set aside time to do stuff with other people and they continue to stand me up...now that is a whole different blog for a different day. I've been going strong with these activities for so long that I think I'm burnt out...not think I KNOW I'm burnt out. Like today I've been trying my hardest to focus on this work that needs to be completed by Wednesday and I haven't even attempted to start it. I've opened the email a thousand times today but that is it. I just instantly felt overwhelmed and frustrated at the whole thing. Needless to say I knew that was my cue that I'm super stressed and need a vacation ASAP. The sound of the phone ringing, the click of the computer keys, the sight of my text book, and my school website has all pissed me off, i don't think i have felted this stressed in a long time a very long time. I need a vacation but lawd only knows when that will happen cuz even when I'm on vacation I'm still doing some kind of work..mostly school work. I just need a break from it all before it becomes overwhelming and i give up on the school thing all together which I don't want to do at all its just how i feel at the moment. I need to get away from this desk, the laptop and tons of books I tote around so school can go everywhere I go. I wanna lay around all day and do absolutely nothing all day long , relax with no phone ringing, no email alerts going off, no stupid group project people contacting me from school who i have no idea what they be talking about just a break from it all. I thought just maybe this weekend i would be able to take a break from the day to day activities but nope got tons of shit to do along with sitting in this stupid group meeting where we accomplish nothing, write a paper and attend my god son's bday party...*sigh* Maybe ill have better luck next weekend.......................or maybe not cause it already doesn't look good.

Bad Girl Gone Good

He told me I've changed, the once wild chick he first met was long gone now, the clubbin" every weekend, sleeping all day girl had taken a step back and turned into who I am today. The not looking for Love heartless chick he once thought he just liked had turned into the the woman he now loved. I didn't say much just sat back and listened to him try and take all the credit for my once "Wild Chick" to who I am today. I wouldn't admit it to him but for ya'll I will, he has been some of the reason for the change ..him and the my old age is setting in and I look at things totally different then the past. He has lighten my heart a bit more, allowed me to be me instead of what I thought he wanted me to be. Ha! its funny now that I look back on the past 10 months I had no plans for my relationship with lil Richmond to continue on and we would be right here right now. I laugh at all the times I tried my hardest to get rid of him and each time he found his way back, maybe he saw that i was just running away like I have a habit on doing. I do think him for be patient with my smart mouth and everything that comes in and between that. I'm not the easiest person to get along with and I know it has been a challenge for him because of that I watched myself change ,watched myself grow a lil bit, its been a long time since i genuinely like a man and not because it was just something to do. I find myself including him in a lot more of me then before allowing him to get to know the real Sunshine and what she is all about.

I knew that i had changed this past weekend when he met my parent *covers eyes* and I thought about telling him about my fertility issues. awww i guess Sunshine is growing up a lil because I never take guys to meet my parents but i did and it went well and they are asking him if he is coming back anytime soon *wipes sweat*..that was half of the change i decided to make the past weekend. I had been debating with myself for awhile its i would ever share my fertility issues with him..I mentally argued with myself alot about it I even go the advice of my friends but none of it seem right to me. So while riding in the car I just blurted it out" I have PCOS".. he didn't respond at first just looked at me. I knew he didn't know what in the hell i was talking about and was waiting for me to complete my sentence. I went on to tell him the who , what when and how of what it is and what it means. It felt good to get it off mu shoulders what i felt sick to my stomach cuz it was the longest pause ever before he responded...i think he was gathering his thoughts..long story short he basically said.. that doesn't change anything that we have going on...if we are meant to be we will be and if we are meant to have children we will...we will worry about that when the times comes if children never come its cool i already got 2.

It went much better than i ever thought...I don't its been a guy in a long time that I wanted to be me with, someone i wanted to see me for who I really am...so if he has changed me i accepted matter of fact I appreciate it....

fyi..I refuse to proofread... I've been trying to write this for a week...I'm over it lol