Oh 2011..Here You Come....

I just glanced up at the calendar and realized that in less than 48 hours it will be 2011....smh...This year I would have to say just flew right passed me..lawd knows 2010 was a roller coaster ride of events some for the best and worse of me...Did a couple of things i wish i shouldn't have and some things i never accomplished..Do I regret any of it?!? HELL NAW! At the time it all occurred it is exactly what I wanted to do I have no apologizes..

I usually have a list of things I want to do different in the new year but i have been slacking on writing anything down ..clearly yall know that from my lack of blogging...but today I spot at Miss StarrlaMonae's (she is one of my faves) and saw she had a couple of things she wanted for 2011 and she inspired me to come up with a couple myself....2011 seemed so far away from me 10 years ago when I graduated from High school...I thought things would be so different for me than what they are but hey! at least I'm alive and healthy and still have a job unlike alot of people.

Here they go....

I got to do better with attending church! I think i said this last year around the same time but i get so caught up in radom stuff that I rarely praise him...this year shall be different.

I'm not drinking from January 2 - May 2...*sad face* I decided to do this when someone asked me do I ever go out and not drink..good question..I do..but i just want to see how long I can go without hell maybe I'll stop completely...............................................NAAAAHHHHHHH...LOL

I thought about mending some old relationships and working on some current ones but I'm not going to say i don't have the desire I'm just tired of being THAT person...so ill wait...

Save..Save...save...money because debt is killing me slowly...i got things i want to do with my life and this is holding me back.

I shall be leaving bird alone in 2011...If lil Richmond makes it to 2011 with us then Bird will be a thing of the past...let us pray

After many conversations with @studiogenius about many topic I'm going to work on my communication skills with Lil Richmond..I think I just want him to just know what i want and have all the answers without me telling him...I see now that is the reason we fight so much. Thanks ATL.

I'm going to actually put it in full gear on finding a new job. I have been playing around with it for a while not really being too serious about it but 2011 i'm no longer gonna be stuck here..doing this...

Last but not least.... I gotta spend more time with my god son...He is growing up sooo fast and before i know he will be an teenager and not thinking about me anymore

Will He? Or Will He Not?

The question of the hour which has been swirling around my friend and little bit of my family circle is....

Will He or Will He not make into 2011 with us? *shrugs*

We been having some real rough times lately a little bit of this and a little bit of that don't know where it is going to lead Lil Richmond and I ...I can't say if the ball drops will he be still holding on strong or getting left behind in 2010..................

I guess in a couple of days we will see......

That Is What Friends Are For..

I guess sometimes I'm not the right friend to share certain things with...I'm just not the sugar coat it make u feel better friend especially when I feel a certain way about something. Some of my friends love it, other hate that about me but hey at least you know I love you and looking out for them.

One of my young friends since the day I have met her has had some issue or another with her boyfriend *rolls eyes* At first I never really spoke on her situation when she shared her stories of this and that of their relationship matter of fact most of the time i wasn't really listening to most of them...I remember being that young girl wrapped up in a semi older dude and thinking that he was the love of my life no matter how wong he does me..so thats is why i often opted out of the older a lil wiser advice for her. I didn't want to be that friend who was preachin' to her lawd knows we all hate that friend and i knew the moment any advice or thoughts left my mouth things would change between us...which shouldn't but i watched her do the same with other ppl so be it. I've been there to save her from alot of situations with him....the night he put her out @ 4am, the time he left her in downtown DC, handed her tissues when she cried I guess I took over the big sister role for her, she reminds me so much as myself @ 22 that its scary cuz i know my nose was wide open for my bf @ the time.

Christmas eve marked another day she calls me upste about what he has done....this time i smh...and just listened to the foolishness that this break up was about..she wouldn't drop him off @ his fathers house *bbm straight face* she poured her ehart out to me cried while telling me he said fuck x-mas don't get me shit and we are through....smh...Of course I wasn't gonna comment too much on the situation just offer a couple of he"ll get over it and stop crying word but this time when i opened my mouth to speak those word they didn't actually leave they just filled me thoughts. I told her what it really was ...."Courtni, you are far ove in love with him then he is with you...like are u serious just two weeks ago he put you out his house and didn't think twice about it. When are you going to get tired of the back and forth shit and call it quits? he's playing and you allow it to go on...before you get tired and figure out who Courtni is without him...shit take a mental help day" She didn't respond the whole time i was talking matter of fact i tired to stop myself from saying the things i know she didn't want to hear but fuck it that is what friends are for to give you the truth when you don't want to hear it. She took a deep breath when it was all over and nicely excused herself from our phone conversation...

and of course her and her bf got right back together filling my TL on twitter with I wish he was he/she was here tweets.... and just like I thought she hasn't spoken to since that day..I know sometimes the truth hurts and in this case she definitely needed to hear it...@ 22 I thought almost the same way thought that maybe things would get better or that when we are good things are wonderful but in reality it just made me age much faster than what i wanted to. It is hard watching her chase after something that isn't chasing her. I thought I felt bad about what i said maybe because with her I baby her much more than the others...give her a little bit more soft words but hell I'm her friend and the truth needed to spoken... especially since she wonders why she doesn't have any real friends....hmmmm maybe because the roller coaster ride with ur BF is just too much for them...and shit if you can't have the relationship with your friends that sometimes you get a reality check then why are we even friend...hell thats what they are for. I thought about calling her and smoothing things over with her but *shrugs* I'm not apologizing for what is the truth nor my thoughts...I didn't start appreciating advice from older friends until it was too late ...I'm 27 and still enjoy a reality check from old head friends...trust me I get from @studiogenius often...which I value alot....

Maybe in 2011 she will get over it maybe she won't but that is exactly what friends are for....

Boy Craze

She often talks about settling down and getting married asap but then i listen to her talk about everybody's boyfriend she seeing and/or fucking behind their girlfriends back. She sometimes remind me of that 16 year old boy crazy that i once was minus the sex or that sheltered girl who finally got freedom, which is none of the above for her. She is far from 16 and didn't live a sheltered life matter of fact she went to college a HBCU so she got her share of fun in. So it confuses me that now @ 27 she is living the life most of my friends turned down and sent away. When we go out its all about the men who are going to be there and what they can offer her?!? *bbm straight face* Its rare that we have a convo that doesn't lead into some dude she was fucking and now she isn't well at least that is what she tries to lead me to believe but she keeps her business far to open. A bad habit she has is messing with dudes who have the same friend circle....and they talk lawd knows they talk. I think she believes she is dogging them out but in reality they are the ones laughing.

We went out of town together and I knew the moment i sat in the car it was a bad move but i continued on with it. We talked the whole ride about life and of course the one who isn't living right is trying to tell me how to live mine. She talked about getting married like usually cuz it aint nothing out her....*side eye* but when we got to our destination it was awhole new bar game for the most part it was what i expected until...long story short she brought some dude back to the room and fuck him while my friend and I was sleeping.....pause...yep you heard me right...I knew at that moment that our friendship wasn't what it seemed. This is the person who wants to married asap..yeah OK....I tried offering my advice about her action especially after one drops her and find a suitable girlfriend but she never catches the memo. She recently stopped telling me about her escapades because she says I'm judging her...she's probably right but hey that is her life but you won't find the all star you looking for with a past that read of nothing but bench warming and fucking. I was sitting at my desk today wondering if she sees the fact i kinda pulled out of our friendship i needed a time out for that life she was living of course if she does she blames it on Lil Richmond and how much time he requires out of my life but truth be told I'm just seeing how i should play this whole friendship out. Especially day after day she is offering me advice on shit i didn't ask for. I want the best for her and to be honest she is a great person she understands my fears and when we are together we are having fun I just don't want her to so lost in her boy crazed phase that we loss her too.

Guess Who?

So I'M BACK!!!!!! *air humps* After much fighting with the IT department and selling my soul just tad bit i got them hoes to release my shit and give me back blogger! Who wants to do work when there is blogging that needs to be done! *shrug*

I have to say work is my only free blogging time because when I hit home its nothing but school, food and sleep going on there. So this is the perfect spot...I thought I would have much to say when i logged in here but yeah maybe not....I'll try!

Today's Random thoughts

Why do people dislike Nicki minaj so much? I personally like her and aint mad at her for finding her fit and running with it....

I heard alotof people critize Tyler Perry's movies from Madea to his current movie which i forgot the name of. It made me think we complain so much about not having enough afrian american movies available to us and we do get them all we do is find 500 different things wrong with the producer and movie.

I took alittle advice from Freckles about finding a realtionship with my mother and needless to say it went wrong and fast...so do I try again or just leave things as they be?

I really don't like Kid cudi...why?..i don't know! He is my nerd crush i just can't rock with him nor his music*shrugs*

I thought about making a phone to a friend I let go a year ago...and then I stopped myself....why should I? Did she do the same for you...nope *closes phone*

Oh Bird how I love thee...oh Bird how I almost let you ruin my life...*writes the end at his chaper*

Maybe Khaki is right, I'm a little hard on the men in my life i never give them time to prove themselves before I cut the rope that bonds us...hmmmm maybe ill work on that in 2011

You all will be proud to know that my sexting game has stepped up awhole do to much practice...lol..I was forced into it.

I thought about bettering some relationships i have with people in 2011....this has weighed heavy on my mind for awhile now but then i always think to myself...people always talk about the wrongs you did to them, the sadness you caused them but they never bring up all of the same things they have done to you....Why should I care if they don't? why should I force a better relationship when they don't do the same....lets see what 2011 brings with that.

Lord knows I love my mother but we are just clearly mother and daughter...I use to envy the relationship my sister has with her but I now i accept what we have which is....she being my mother and I being her daughter....she proved that to me the beginning of the month...she made it very clear.

I'm just too old to be clubbin anymore! lol..of course i enjoy a club outing from time to time but living it up all weekend ahd put a hurt on my body! lol

My 10 year class reunion is coming..*straight face* Haven't decided if I'm going or not....those years are bitter sweet for me and I talk to all the people who i wanted to continue a relationship with.

Lil Richmond as survived most 2010...and looks like he is heading into 2011 with us....I'm shocked because i'm usually over dudes by this time!.....lol

This school thing is overrated and I can't wait for it to be over...I thought about going straight for my master's degree but yeah it doesn't look too good for that right now!

I missed yall!!!

I swear I missed yall.....

I realized the other day it has been awhile since i have blogged *surprised face*. Some of that has to do with school taking over all aspects of my life *throws books*, my job blocking blogger at work *flips desk over* and the fact I have a small case of writer's block *sobs* but do to much encouragement from Krissy and some others i decided to would be a great day to blog because my football teams sucks and i shall not watch anymore more football game until the super bowl *takes down cowboys flag and puts up Lakers flag*

Until last night i really hadn't had anything to inspire a blog or two but ha!! I'm back..I think :/...well at least for now i do...

I had a lunch date with my boo Khaki (hey boo) and of course like always she grills me about my love life and the why's and why not's of why me and lil Richmond aren't in a real relationship..*side eye* lol...i hate her,the heffa has been trying to marry off for the past year or so....of course like the great friend she is she points out all my faults and she was right maybe it is me who is so hesitant on being in a relationship with him....and before anyway says it....it's not because of I can't let Bird go because he gone for the most part....I think I'm just comfortable with what we have now present day. It is so great that I don't want to rock the boat and make this good thing turn into something bad *sigh* I have rushed into alot situations in my 27 years and they have all ended badly..hints my last real relationship was the worse of the worse and don't want to do that again...ever... I guess I am taking a while to be exclusively him and just him....for the most part I am...i mean is my main piece the star player but i do keep a couple of the team just in case..don't judge me...I can admit that I do have an commitment issue and that is probably one of the reasons I'm just holding my spot at the not quite a his girlfriend area. Khaki repeatedly asked me how long do I plan to be just "messing" with him before i decide that being his girlfriend is what I wanted to be. I still don't have a answer tot hat question because i really don't know...maybe tomorrow, maybe next month, maybe next year I can't say..maybe I'm just waiting on his move, waiting for him to bring that up to me. I'm sort of old fashion girl when it comes to things like that I want him to take the lead but i can see how men can be confused when it comes to me and that because i such a a take charge and aggressive demeanor they usually wait on my move..which may never happen.

So with all that said and i think i went off track but who cares.....my question is....

HOW LONG DO YO WAIT BEFORE YOU GET IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP WITH A PERSON? IS IT 6 WEEKS, 6 MONTHS, A YEAR? WHEN DO YOU STOP JUST MESSING WITH EACH OTHER AND BECOME A COUPLE?