Monday, October 5, 2009
My Open Letter...
I can't believe its been two years already, I feel like your death only happened yesterday. Its funny how out of all the things my mind forgets It won't let me forget anything about that night God called you home. I can still remember the clothes I wore, how my hair was styled and the weather...crazy huh?!? Alot has changed since you have been gone, mostly with me..I have started to see life in a whole new pair of glasses than before. I now cherish every moment that I have here, I now do things that make me happy then do things that make others happy and I tell everyone that I love them everyday, you proved to me that tomorrow is never promised today and one of the things i wish I could have said to you is "I love you". I know that you know this and never really needed me to say it cuz i was an unspoken word but who knew that you wouldn't be here with us today. Everyday I think of you, relive a moment in my head when we laughing, smiling, arguing, drinking...I doesn't really matter what moment just any moment brings my heart a little joy to my heart and a tear to my eye.
They say time heals all wounds but I don't know if this wound will ever heal completely. I recently realized that I can't hear your voice in my head anymore, smell your cologne, or hear your laugh. I hated myself for forgetting those things about you, I wanted to search deep in my memory and bring them all back to fill the void in my heart and hold on to you for one more day...It made your death so real, permanent. It took all of me to be okay with this, to be okay with knowing you were gone. I still have moments when I pick up the phone to call you, wake in the middle of the night thinking I hear your keys jingle and i still sometimes have the need to leave you notes saying whats good for the day. I guess those were some of the moments I cherished the most, Some of the moments I will never forget. I remember a month before your death how my feelings for you had turned into my love for you. I remember riding along in the car, staring at you driving thinking I can't imagine this man not being in my life...I can't imagine him not being just a phone call away...I can't imagine me loving anyone as much as I love him....and in a blink of eye u were gone. My love for you hasn't changed if anything it has grown stronger...no man will ever compare with the bond we had...no man will ever be able to take your place. My secret keeper, road trip sponsor, my shoulder to cry on, My Friend you will be missed.
Miss and Love you like crazy!!