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The DMV, United States
I'm young, black, single and fabulous!!! Trying to live my life to the fullest before its all said and done with . I'm just trying to figure it all out!

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Thursday, August 27, 2009

Getting Married???


My Aunt calls me last night to do her usual once a month check up on my life basically she's being nosy. So she rants on how my cousin's boyfriend is this and that and how he planning to ask her to marry him that ole heffer stops and pause just long enough to say..Sunshine are you ever going to get serious and settle down with man? I got some friends who got sons I can fix u up with!!!...OK, auntie what are you trying to say I can't find a man or that my choice of men is gross? Of course I let her continue on with what i need to Change about my life to get a husband.....change your attitude, play habit, spending habit etc etc...on and on she went. Until i had enough and said my good byes. Auntie did get me thinking... Will I ever get married? maybe she is right a little maybe i do need to change some of my bad habits and get serious about certain shit. All of my"friends" I use that word loosely are all getting married and living happily ever after..well that what we would like to think. In this month alone I have received about 5 invite to wedding that I really have no plans to attend. I remember back in the day when I thought I would be long married by now maybe on baby #2 by now but needless to say that didn't happen. My friends would always say that Sunshine will be he first to jump the broom but sunshine is clearly going maybe the last?!? So where in the hell is my prince charming with his white horse? where is the man that makes me want to change my life and be about all about him? Did he pass me by or did i send him on his way a long time ago?!? Lord know I have been planning wedding since i could fully understand what getting married and a wedding was! I got the dress. ring and venue all picked out but no husband...lol..RP tells me all the time I'm crazy for having this stuff planned out!! I think one of the reason I'm not in a serious relationship or married is because I have a fear of commitment and I don't let let too many people into my world. Its rare that I let any man get to close to me. I don't like them to know my weakness and strength so when i feel things are becoming too deep i cut them off ASAP. I know for a fact I have cut of a couple of really great men because of that. COMMITMENT scares the hell out of me! i have always been a free spirit only concerning myself with important to me so to be in something that's not all about me scares me a bit makes a little sick to my stomach. I have no idea why? im lying maybe i do. The couple of men that i have had committed relationships with have all done me dirty in one way or another. So I'm not willing to give any one my heart anymore its still trying to mend it wounds. Now I want to get married but the thought of committing to that kind makes me want to run the other direction but i still kind of yearn for the togetherness of an commitment! IDK I'm so confused!! I think I need a break!!!! Getting married is something i know i want to do..when? only lords that answer.....Thanks Auntie for this one!!! I think i need a drink now!


P.s. those rings at the top are the one i want...lol. dont tell nobody...Ok, bye

6 comments:

khaki said...

we all go through this... when its time for it to happen, it will.
Dont worry.. prince charming will come soon.

MISS BEE said...

yea what Khaki said. i mean i can totally agree w everything your saying. BUT trust me when the time is right you will find the right person, it may even catch you off guard. i wouldnt suggest that you change anything about yourself dont lower your standards or anything. you seem content w who you are & what you want out of life, stay that way.

dearly beloved. said...

co-sign with Khaki...

Some days i wanna get married then others days I'm like fuck it... whats the point. Matter of fact my uncle & auntie been together for 25 years and just got married last week. Don't put pressure on yourself just let life run its course.

☆Reese✮ said...

I love the bunnies, cuz I don't even have to say shit...they know my heart already *tearing up*
CO-SIGN!!

stacie-ann said...

wow. i actually read that entire blog post. fear of commitment......well i suffer from the same thing. except i do it with every aspect of my life. if things are going to well i tend to back off b/c i'm expecting them to go sour at any moment. & thats the problem..its not a fear of commitment its the fear that "this shit is too good to be true". Take a chance...whats the point of living if we don't take risks? What kinda life is that. & GO TO THEM WEDDINGS!!!!!! :) Good post. I really really did enjoy it.

stacie-ann said...

wow. i actually read that entire blog post. fear of commitment......well i suffer from the same thing. except i do it with every aspect of my life. if things are going to well i tend to back off b/c i'm expecting them to go sour at any moment. & thats the problem..its not a fear of commitment its the fear that "this shit is too good to be true". Take a chance...whats the point of living if we don't take risks? What kinda life is that. & GO TO THEM WEDDINGS!!!!!! :) Good post. I really really did enjoy it.

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