Thursday, August 27, 2009
My Aunt calls me last night to do her usual once a month check up on my life basically she's being nosy. So she rants on how my cousin's boyfriend is this and that and how he planning to ask her to marry him that ole heffer stops and pause just long enough to say..Sunshine are you ever going to get serious and settle down with man? I got some friends who got sons I can fix u up with!!!...OK, auntie what are you trying to say I can't find a man or that my choice of men is gross? Of course I let her continue on with what i need to Change about my life to get a husband.....change your attitude, play habit, spending habit etc etc...on and on she went. Until i had enough and said my good byes. Auntie did get me thinking... Will I ever get married? maybe she is right a little maybe i do need to change some of my bad habits and get serious about certain shit. All of my"friends" I use that word loosely are all getting married and living happily ever after..well that what we would like to think. In this month alone I have received about 5 invite to wedding that I really have no plans to attend. I remember back in the day when I thought I would be long married by now maybe on baby #2 by now but needless to say that didn't happen. My friends would always say that Sunshine will be he first to jump the broom but sunshine is clearly going maybe the last?!? So where in the hell is my prince charming with his white horse? where is the man that makes me want to change my life and be about all about him? Did he pass me by or did i send him on his way a long time ago?!? Lord know I have been planning wedding since i could fully understand what getting married and a wedding was! I got the dress. ring and venue all picked out but no husband...lol..RP tells me all the time I'm crazy for having this stuff planned out!! I think one of the reason I'm not in a serious relationship or married is because I have a fear of commitment and I don't let let too many people into my world. Its rare that I let any man get to close to me. I don't like them to know my weakness and strength so when i feel things are becoming too deep i cut them off ASAP. I know for a fact I have cut of a couple of really great men because of that. COMMITMENT scares the hell out of me! i have always been a free spirit only concerning myself with important to me so to be in something that's not all about me scares me a bit makes a little sick to my stomach. I have no idea why? im lying maybe i do. The couple of men that i have had committed relationships with have all done me dirty in one way or another. So I'm not willing to give any one my heart anymore its still trying to mend it wounds. Now I want to get married but the thought of committing to that kind makes me want to run the other direction but i still kind of yearn for the togetherness of an commitment! IDK I'm so confused!! I think I need a break!!!! Getting married is something i know i want to do..when? only lords that answer.....Thanks Auntie for this one!!! I think i need a drink now!
P.s. those rings at the top are the one i want...lol. dont tell nobody...Ok, bye