I think of him often and i wonder if he thinks of me too...
Sometime i feel like i shouldn't think of him especially taking in account that we didn't have good relationship with each other at all. Apart of me is curious about him and his life now and the other part of me wants to kick me in my ass for even wondering about him. I never really talk about him out loud to my friends don't want them to side eye me but i can't help but to think of him..
I wonder alot of things about him..I don't know if its healthy or not to think of the person who abused you in more way than one but I do...I sometimes think maybe if this or that i had happened maybe things would be much different between the two of us..maybe i wouldn't be the person i am today or maybe we would have ended on better terms. I do alot of thinking especially when i hear his name or something remind me of him..I always pause to think when he sees this or hears that does a picture me automatically pop in his head like his does in mine...He's not that far away matter of fact i could call him and ask him all the questions that have been burning a whole in me but i think knowing the answer to those question would just disturb all the hard work I have done to get on with my life in order after spending so many years with him. I use to think of him and get mad at all that went down between us....wondered why certain things went on and why certain things didn't?...Wondered if he ever really had an ounce of love and compassion for me or was it all a game.
Our time together wasn't all good and its wasn't all bad...I just wonder if he regrets anything that went down with us...if he ever really feels sorry about the hurt and pian caused me and sometimes continues to haunt me a lil bit(yeah i've never admitted that out loud before) now. I never want to go back to him and i like stated a couple of blogs ago I forgive him and i thank him for teaching the good and the bad..I just want to know if i cross his mind....does he ver sit and think of me like think of him