Oh 2011..Here You Come....

I just glanced up at the calendar and realized that in less than 48 hours it will be 2011....smh...This year I would have to say just flew right passed me..lawd knows 2010 was a roller coaster ride of events some for the best and worse of me...Did a couple of things i wish i shouldn't have and some things i never accomplished..Do I regret any of it?!? HELL NAW! At the time it all occurred it is exactly what I wanted to do I have no apologizes..

I usually have a list of things I want to do different in the new year but i have been slacking on writing anything down ..clearly yall know that from my lack of blogging...but today I spot at Miss StarrlaMonae's (she is one of my faves) and saw she had a couple of things she wanted for 2011 and she inspired me to come up with a couple myself....2011 seemed so far away from me 10 years ago when I graduated from High school...I thought things would be so different for me than what they are but hey! at least I'm alive and healthy and still have a job unlike alot of people.

Here they go....

I got to do better with attending church! I think i said this last year around the same time but i get so caught up in radom stuff that I rarely praise him...this year shall be different.

I'm not drinking from January 2 - May 2...*sad face* I decided to do this when someone asked me do I ever go out and not drink..good question..I do..but i just want to see how long I can go without hell maybe I'll stop completely...............................................NAAAAHHHHHHH...LOL

I thought about mending some old relationships and working on some current ones but I'm not going to say i don't have the desire I'm just tired of being THAT person...so ill wait...

Save..Save...save...money because debt is killing me slowly...i got things i want to do with my life and this is holding me back.

I shall be leaving bird alone in 2011...If lil Richmond makes it to 2011 with us then Bird will be a thing of the past...let us pray

After many conversations with @studiogenius about many topic I'm going to work on my communication skills with Lil Richmond..I think I just want him to just know what i want and have all the answers without me telling him...I see now that is the reason we fight so much. Thanks ATL.

I'm going to actually put it in full gear on finding a new job. I have been playing around with it for a while not really being too serious about it but 2011 i'm no longer gonna be stuck here..doing this...

Last but not least.... I gotta spend more time with my god son...He is growing up sooo fast and before i know he will be an teenager and not thinking about me anymore

Will He? Or Will He Not?

The question of the hour which has been swirling around my friend and little bit of my family circle is....

Will He or Will He not make into 2011 with us? *shrugs*

We been having some real rough times lately a little bit of this and a little bit of that don't know where it is going to lead Lil Richmond and I ...I can't say if the ball drops will he be still holding on strong or getting left behind in 2010..................

I guess in a couple of days we will see......

That Is What Friends Are For..

I guess sometimes I'm not the right friend to share certain things with...I'm just not the sugar coat it make u feel better friend especially when I feel a certain way about something. Some of my friends love it, other hate that about me but hey at least you know I love you and looking out for them.

One of my young friends since the day I have met her has had some issue or another with her boyfriend *rolls eyes* At first I never really spoke on her situation when she shared her stories of this and that of their relationship matter of fact most of the time i wasn't really listening to most of them...I remember being that young girl wrapped up in a semi older dude and thinking that he was the love of my life no matter how wong he does me..so thats is why i often opted out of the older a lil wiser advice for her. I didn't want to be that friend who was preachin' to her lawd knows we all hate that friend and i knew the moment any advice or thoughts left my mouth things would change between us...which shouldn't but i watched her do the same with other ppl so be it. I've been there to save her from alot of situations with him....the night he put her out @ 4am, the time he left her in downtown DC, handed her tissues when she cried I guess I took over the big sister role for her, she reminds me so much as myself @ 22 that its scary cuz i know my nose was wide open for my bf @ the time.

Christmas eve marked another day she calls me upste about what he has done....this time i smh...and just listened to the foolishness that this break up was about..she wouldn't drop him off @ his fathers house *bbm straight face* she poured her ehart out to me cried while telling me he said fuck x-mas don't get me shit and we are through....smh...Of course I wasn't gonna comment too much on the situation just offer a couple of he"ll get over it and stop crying word but this time when i opened my mouth to speak those word they didn't actually leave they just filled me thoughts. I told her what it really was ...."Courtni, you are far ove in love with him then he is with you...like are u serious just two weeks ago he put you out his house and didn't think twice about it. When are you going to get tired of the back and forth shit and call it quits? he's playing and you allow it to go on...before you get tired and figure out who Courtni is without him...shit take a mental help day" She didn't respond the whole time i was talking matter of fact i tired to stop myself from saying the things i know she didn't want to hear but fuck it that is what friends are for to give you the truth when you don't want to hear it. She took a deep breath when it was all over and nicely excused herself from our phone conversation...

and of course her and her bf got right back together filling my TL on twitter with I wish he was he/she was here tweets.... and just like I thought she hasn't spoken to since that day..I know sometimes the truth hurts and in this case she definitely needed to hear it...@ 22 I thought almost the same way thought that maybe things would get better or that when we are good things are wonderful but in reality it just made me age much faster than what i wanted to. It is hard watching her chase after something that isn't chasing her. I thought I felt bad about what i said maybe because with her I baby her much more than the others...give her a little bit more soft words but hell I'm her friend and the truth needed to spoken... especially since she wonders why she doesn't have any real friends....hmmmm maybe because the roller coaster ride with ur BF is just too much for them...and shit if you can't have the relationship with your friends that sometimes you get a reality check then why are we even friend...hell thats what they are for. I thought about calling her and smoothing things over with her but *shrugs* I'm not apologizing for what is the truth nor my thoughts...I didn't start appreciating advice from older friends until it was too late ...I'm 27 and still enjoy a reality check from old head friends...trust me I get from @studiogenius often...which I value alot....

Maybe in 2011 she will get over it maybe she won't but that is exactly what friends are for....

Boy Craze

She often talks about settling down and getting married asap but then i listen to her talk about everybody's boyfriend she seeing and/or fucking behind their girlfriends back. She sometimes remind me of that 16 year old boy crazy that i once was minus the sex or that sheltered girl who finally got freedom, which is none of the above for her. She is far from 16 and didn't live a sheltered life matter of fact she went to college a HBCU so she got her share of fun in. So it confuses me that now @ 27 she is living the life most of my friends turned down and sent away. When we go out its all about the men who are going to be there and what they can offer her?!? *bbm straight face* Its rare that we have a convo that doesn't lead into some dude she was fucking and now she isn't well at least that is what she tries to lead me to believe but she keeps her business far to open. A bad habit she has is messing with dudes who have the same friend circle....and they talk lawd knows they talk. I think she believes she is dogging them out but in reality they are the ones laughing.

We went out of town together and I knew the moment i sat in the car it was a bad move but i continued on with it. We talked the whole ride about life and of course the one who isn't living right is trying to tell me how to live mine. She talked about getting married like usually cuz it aint nothing out her....*side eye* but when we got to our destination it was awhole new bar game for the most part it was what i expected until...long story short she brought some dude back to the room and fuck him while my friend and I was sleeping.....pause...yep you heard me right...I knew at that moment that our friendship wasn't what it seemed. This is the person who wants to married asap..yeah OK....I tried offering my advice about her action especially after one drops her and find a suitable girlfriend but she never catches the memo. She recently stopped telling me about her escapades because she says I'm judging her...she's probably right but hey that is her life but you won't find the all star you looking for with a past that read of nothing but bench warming and fucking. I was sitting at my desk today wondering if she sees the fact i kinda pulled out of our friendship i needed a time out for that life she was living of course if she does she blames it on Lil Richmond and how much time he requires out of my life but truth be told I'm just seeing how i should play this whole friendship out. Especially day after day she is offering me advice on shit i didn't ask for. I want the best for her and to be honest she is a great person she understands my fears and when we are together we are having fun I just don't want her to so lost in her boy crazed phase that we loss her too.

Guess Who?

So I'M BACK!!!!!! *air humps* After much fighting with the IT department and selling my soul just tad bit i got them hoes to release my shit and give me back blogger! Who wants to do work when there is blogging that needs to be done! *shrug*

I have to say work is my only free blogging time because when I hit home its nothing but school, food and sleep going on there. So this is the perfect spot...I thought I would have much to say when i logged in here but yeah maybe not....I'll try!

Today's Random thoughts

Why do people dislike Nicki minaj so much? I personally like her and aint mad at her for finding her fit and running with it....

I heard alotof people critize Tyler Perry's movies from Madea to his current movie which i forgot the name of. It made me think we complain so much about not having enough afrian american movies available to us and we do get them all we do is find 500 different things wrong with the producer and movie.

I took alittle advice from Freckles about finding a realtionship with my mother and needless to say it went wrong and fast...so do I try again or just leave things as they be?

I really don't like Kid cudi...why?..i don't know! He is my nerd crush i just can't rock with him nor his music*shrugs*

I thought about making a phone to a friend I let go a year ago...and then I stopped myself....why should I? Did she do the same for you...nope *closes phone*

Oh Bird how I love thee...oh Bird how I almost let you ruin my life...*writes the end at his chaper*

Maybe Khaki is right, I'm a little hard on the men in my life i never give them time to prove themselves before I cut the rope that bonds us...hmmmm maybe ill work on that in 2011

You all will be proud to know that my sexting game has stepped up awhole do to much practice...lol..I was forced into it.

I thought about bettering some relationships i have with people in 2011....this has weighed heavy on my mind for awhile now but then i always think to myself...people always talk about the wrongs you did to them, the sadness you caused them but they never bring up all of the same things they have done to you....Why should I care if they don't? why should I force a better relationship when they don't do the same....lets see what 2011 brings with that.

Lord knows I love my mother but we are just clearly mother and daughter...I use to envy the relationship my sister has with her but I now i accept what we have which is....she being my mother and I being her daughter....she proved that to me the beginning of the month...she made it very clear.

I'm just too old to be clubbin anymore! lol..of course i enjoy a club outing from time to time but living it up all weekend ahd put a hurt on my body! lol

My 10 year class reunion is coming..*straight face* Haven't decided if I'm going or not....those years are bitter sweet for me and I talk to all the people who i wanted to continue a relationship with.

Lil Richmond as survived most 2010...and looks like he is heading into 2011 with us....I'm shocked because i'm usually over dudes by this time!.....lol

This school thing is overrated and I can't wait for it to be over...I thought about going straight for my master's degree but yeah it doesn't look too good for that right now!

I missed yall!!!

I swear I missed yall.....

I realized the other day it has been awhile since i have blogged *surprised face*. Some of that has to do with school taking over all aspects of my life *throws books*, my job blocking blogger at work *flips desk over* and the fact I have a small case of writer's block *sobs* but do to much encouragement from Krissy and some others i decided to would be a great day to blog because my football teams sucks and i shall not watch anymore more football game until the super bowl *takes down cowboys flag and puts up Lakers flag*

Until last night i really hadn't had anything to inspire a blog or two but ha!! I'm back..I think :/...well at least for now i do...

I had a lunch date with my boo Khaki (hey boo) and of course like always she grills me about my love life and the why's and why not's of why me and lil Richmond aren't in a real relationship..*side eye* lol...i hate her,the heffa has been trying to marry off for the past year or so....of course like the great friend she is she points out all my faults and she was right maybe it is me who is so hesitant on being in a relationship with him....and before anyway says it....it's not because of I can't let Bird go because he gone for the most part....I think I'm just comfortable with what we have now present day. It is so great that I don't want to rock the boat and make this good thing turn into something bad *sigh* I have rushed into alot situations in my 27 years and they have all ended badly..hints my last real relationship was the worse of the worse and don't want to do that again...ever... I guess I am taking a while to be exclusively him and just him....for the most part I am...i mean is my main piece the star player but i do keep a couple of the team just in case..don't judge me...I can admit that I do have an commitment issue and that is probably one of the reasons I'm just holding my spot at the not quite a his girlfriend area. Khaki repeatedly asked me how long do I plan to be just "messing" with him before i decide that being his girlfriend is what I wanted to be. I still don't have a answer tot hat question because i really don't know...maybe tomorrow, maybe next month, maybe next year I can't say..maybe I'm just waiting on his move, waiting for him to bring that up to me. I'm sort of old fashion girl when it comes to things like that I want him to take the lead but i can see how men can be confused when it comes to me and that because i such a a take charge and aggressive demeanor they usually wait on my move..which may never happen.

So with all that said and i think i went off track but who cares.....my question is....

HOW LONG DO YO WAIT BEFORE YOU GET IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP WITH A PERSON? IS IT 6 WEEKS, 6 MONTHS, A YEAR? WHEN DO YOU STOP JUST MESSING WITH EACH OTHER AND BECOME A COUPLE?

Lust.....Day 7

Day 7 - Lust. Seven love secrets

1. I don't like to kiss *pauses so yall can get the ooh and owww's out* I will do it but its not a big thing for me...now don't get me wrong i love a great kisser it is just not a huge thing for me *shrug*

2. I'm kind of a prude when it comes to sex...lol...its rare that i ever discuss sex with my friends and if i do i say little to nothing.

3. I'm a nympho!! I have to have it morning, noon and night!!! I feel for my future husband!! lol

4. I'm a flirt!! its true i flirt with everybody..anywhere...it's kind of funny because it happens so often that i rarely notice i do it.

5. This has to be the first time in my life i actually believe that i am in love! i have never had feelings like this for anyone and i have to say it feels wonderful.

6. I'm a light off kind of girl...I like the mystery of what is happening..it turns me on.

7. I love romance!! i love receiving little love notes and finding random things that remind me of him!

Every day via bbm I get a broadcast message from one of my favorite people W.J. Sometimes they are funny, some are inspirational and other make you stop what you are doing to think about what is being said and today was no different in that account...it was different because I responded to the message which I never do but the question was so appealing to me I just couldn't leave it alone.

Is it that we are ignorant to the signs of a failing relationship or do we just choose to ignore them?

This was definitely one of those questions that made you stop and say hmmmmm... and that i did...

I don't think we are ignorant to the signs of an falling relationship, in fact I know personally that the signs are there but I always chose to ignore the sign in hopes that things will fix themselves. I have sat in plenty of relationship just hoping and praying that one day that will just come around and we can be happy again. I ignore the signs and then complain about what is not going on with with us with my friends instead of my partner... which leads no discussion in about the relationship which gets us no where. I hate when things go down hill i try my hardest to keep things together so no one can say that I didn't try hard enough.

But on the other hand does the other person even recognize or realize that the relationship failing.....

I want to hear from yall!!!

Gluttony....Day 6

Day 6 - Gluttony. Seven guilty pleasures

1. Maury Povich!! I live for my days off and I can catch Maury and The Paternity Test shows!!

2. Breyers Reese Cup Ice cream!! Who knew that peanut butter ice cream could be so good.

3. Shopping, Shopping and more shopping! this is probably why I never have any money but sometimes i just feel the need to buy something to make my day complete!

4. Reality TV...yep i watch it all Bad Girls club to Fantasia For real! I'm addicted

5. Tall Athletic Men! *sigh*

6. Word Mole on my BB..I swear this game has taken over my life!

7. SEX! SEX! SEX!

Greed..Day 5

Day 5- Greed. Seven wordly material desires.

1. To own a Maserati GranTurismo S. and if you don't know what that is..its a car...a fast car.

2. A closet full of Guiseppe Zanotti, Jimmy Choo and Louboutin shoes..*sigh* that just made my heart skip a beat!

3. All that is new technology..phones, computers, television etc...i want it all.

4. Iced out jewerly! lol probably more bracelets and necklaces more than rings. I like the bling!

5. Bags, Bags and more bags...Gucci, Fendi, Prada, Valentino...would look so wonderful on my arm!

6. A check every month for no reason. It doesn't have to be an outrageous amount of money just an 4 digit amount starting with an 3 or 4 would be nice.

7. A new house with no expenses...I love where i am at but its not mine...i want what i want with no expense to go with it.

Sloth....Day 4

Day 4 - Sloth. Seven things you neglect to do.

1. Go visit G-ma in the nursing home! I know I'm wrong for it because she practically raised me while my parent were off work 2 or 3 jobs. I just don't like to see his drugged up and not moving around.

2. Devote more time to my school work! lawd knows I try to but i just push it off to the next day and the next day and the next day.

3. Call and check on my god children. I love them to death and want the best for them but sometimes i get so caught up in my own stuff that i forget about the little ones in my life.

4. End things with Bird.. officially...*cover eyes* its a process!

5. Call my brother just to tell him i love him. I spend so much time calling him to cry and ask for money that never stop and call just to tell him i love him

6. Visit with my great aunt. I say I'm going to visit the devil...that's what us great nieces and nephew nicknamed her as a child but never get around to it. She might have been mean to me as a child but she taught me alot of life.

7. Express how much I love my male friends i grew up with. I lean on them for alot of things and they never complain or bitch about it...they lil street dudes but i know they wanna hear someone tell them how much they are loved.

Wrath...Day 3

Day 3 - Wrath. Seven things that piss you off.

1. People who think they are always right! Hint: why i hate my ex!

2. People who drive slow!! *sigh* I'm getting mad just thinking about it! lol

3. When people put their feet on me that doesn't not have some type of covering! I hate feet!

4. Stupid pointless emails! My ex sends me emails almost everyday saying nothing what so ever but good morning, good night etc...dude cut that shit out!

5. People who don't follow directions because I hate repeating myself!

6. Bad ass kids and their parents who act as if they don't see the stuff they are doing!

7. Being judged by where I am from..Okay i didn't grow up in the greatest neighborhood nor do any of the boys i grew up with conventional jobs...but my parents raised me right and i know how to survive in or out of the hood.

Envy...Day 2

Seven things you lack and covet.

1. I covet patience. I don't have much of it, it doesn't matter if it's with people or just in general..i lack it alot!

2. I envy those who have great relationships with their mothers. My mother and I are very distant with each other, I want the kind of relationship that i can share everything with her. the relationship she shares with my sister.

3. I lack obedience with almost everything. I can never really see something out because I'm not dedicated to it. I just don't have the obedience to stuck to it.

4. I envy those in happy relationships. It's only because I want that, and i can honestly say i have only had 1 happy relationship with a boyfriend.

5. I envy those who aren't like me and don't have dyslexia. It affects almost everything I do school wise..hell just in life in general and makes it just a little bit harder for me..I thought i would have gotten better with age but yeah i think not.

6. I envy those who can swim..*sad face* I want to learn but I have a fear of drowning.

7. I envy those we have children. Maybe because I know that my chances of having them are slim that I feel so much envy toward them and what they have.

PRIDE....Day 1

Seven Great Things About Yourself...

1. I'm a great event planner! I can throw something together at a moments notice and make sure it comes out nice!

2. I have great calves! which makes my legs look great..its from from all my years of being a cheerleader..Thanks Mom for making me do it!

3. I'm a great Actress i don't know if that is a good or bad thing but I can definitely put on show if need be.

4. I'm a great listener. I think that why people drop so much of their business onto me.

5. I'm a great debater!! If i feel strongly about something then it is on!!

6. I'm a dancer!! lol..not like that but if i feel it i just break out dancing no matter the time or place.

7. My eyes...I proud myself on my eyes..I've always been told how they nice and deep they look!

Back to the Challenge

Once again I'm back to doing another challenge but this time its a lil short one to pass the time away. Ms. StarrlaMonae sent this my way and it looked interesting so here it is...

7 Deadly Sins Challenge

Day 1 - Pride. Seven great things about yourself.

Day 2 - Envy. Seven things you lack and covet.

Day 3 - Wrath. Seven things that piss you off.

Day 4 - Sloth. Seven things you neglect to do.

Day 5 - Greed. Seven worldly material desires.

Day 6 - Gluttony. Seven guilty pleasures.

Day 7 - Lust. Seven love secrets

I've been sitting at my desk all morning long doing nothing..... I have plenty of things to do but my focus just isn't here. I haven't really been able to focus on anything since the of the month hit. I knew this day would come..this month would come...this week would come but I have just been pushing it to the back of my mind. I've been trying to keep myself so very busy with just anything so I wouldn't have to time to think or deal with it. I glanced that the calendar on Saturday and it made me literally sick to my stomach to see that October 5th was itching up, the the anniversary of one of the longest and saddest days of my life. I thought that time heals all wounds to point it has brought my scar to a clear but I anticipate that day and dread it all year long. I still remember everything about that moment, about that week, about it all...I thought that time would drown it out of my thoughts but i guess its just one of those things that your mind and body won't let go of.

I had to flip the calendar at my desk over and take the date off of my phone just so I could relax a little and try to keep this strong act going until i get home. Saturday I realized that the anniversary of that day was slowly approaching and it made me sick to my stomach..I lied and told my friends and family that it was the food I ate but it was all the sorrow and pain making things complicated. I still feel that same pain I felt almost 3 years ago when it all happened, i still remember everything about that day, where I was, what I was doing, who broke the news to me and the long days and nights that came after that. I never wore the outfit I was in the night he passed away..i never dyed my hair that color again nor do I wear that jewelry anymore it all had that night of tears attached to it. just when I think time has healed my wounds October comes along and makes it all clear to me once again. October use to be my favorite month not too hot not too cold, Halloween and all the Homecomings all the excitment but now I just wish we could skip right over it like it never happened, even if that did it happen it wouldn't bring him back nor would it ease the butterflies that have made home in my stomach. I know he is kind of disappointed in me and how I handled this situation i sure he wouldn't want the tears or the sadness but when you lose someone so close to you its kind of sad to move on.....

Searching...

Just when I thought I had an idea what i wanted to be for halloween i found some more options *confused face* I knew I should have stopped looking when I decided it would be one of those 3 from a preveious post...I blame Krissy for it because she posted a link to a costume website which got me search through their inventory too and of course I found more of them that I love...

Now one of them I'm on the fence with because it is kinda extra sexy and the other I just think is cute and maybe a little different..well they both are different..at least different for me...

French Flight Caption

Now this one i'm on the fence with everybody loves it

but me idk..I think its cute but i'm scared my boobs are tooooo big for this...

what if one of them pop out i will be scared for life.

Nasty Curves

Its simply but it a lil sexy to it....

LAWWDDDD have mercy decisions..decisions....

It was all fun and games at first. The long conversations, the trips two hours back and forth to see each other it was all just because...just because I needed something or someone to take my mind off of all the that occurs in my world....forgetting about Bird, ex boyfriends getting married, friends and family issues..Roshon it was an escape from it all. I never thought that all our laughs, jokes, and deep talks would lead us here...right here... right now. I usually run away from situation like this I'm quick to back up, pack my things and head for the hills when things get too deep and that's exactly what part of me wants to do...she wants to find something wrong with him...something wrong with the whole situation and not like him anymore and trust me i have tried my hardest to do but for some reason he just keeps pulling me back *cues Chingy and Tyrese* but the other hand wants to play the hand I'm holding wants to throw it all out and see where this road leads me...see where he leads me but............................. My heart beats fast every time I consider it and get to sweating maybe its my fear of commitment...no its not commitment i fear its being hurt that i just don't want any parts of. I know that is not how I should conduct my situation with him but the thoughts of all the past relationships that went wrong...the tears, fights, cheating and disappointment take over my heart and it just wants to shut down and post a closed sign. When he poured his heart out to me and told me how his feeling are for me...I paused i wanted to say so much to him..i wanted to place my heart in his hands but that fear took over and I just digested it all. I know he was dissatisfied with my reaction but i just couldn't wear my heart on my sleeve i just couldn't be to open for him. I have given him alot of me...alot more than i ever expected to do, this was suppose to be a short lived thing between us just something to pass the time around but the time has gone and he's still here. Still dealing with my smart ass, demands and mood swings oddly he understands me understand why i do the things i do. He knows me far beyond the mac foundation and lip gloss..he knows the real me and accepts her for who she is. I can be not easy to get along with be he finds a way each and everyday. For all the things I hate about him are the same reasons i love him...whoaaaaaaa..lets say like about him. He calm demeanor, his smart mouth, his busy schedule and the love he has for his kids are all the things that I want the man I choose to be be with to have. So why I keep running from him or as my friend Melissa would say being scared of...I have no idea. Maybe it's his love i'm scared of or the love i have for him...he honestly has pushed me in the right direction and showed me what love is or how its suppose to go. I'm so use to protecting and holding my heart close that opening it up and giving it up seems foreign to me. So right now I'm standing at the window weighing my options do it let all my fears go and jump or crawl back in and continue to hold all my fears close.

Day 30

A Photograph Of Yourself Today + Three Good Things That Have Happened In The Past 30 Days.

This is my fake smile and it happens often in picture! *shrugs* why i have no idea.

I wasn't in the mood for pictures, it was just one of those days....and my lipgloss was poppin' lol

Whoa...3 good things that have happen over the past 30 days i need to think about this one....

#1 My refund check came from school! Money is always appreciated

#2 Lil Richmond came to spend a weekend with me..no details is needed for that one! lol

#3 I finally know what being in love is..strange right?!? cuz i'm so anti-love but this just feels right!

Day 29

Something You Could Never Get Tired Of Doing

Reading and Books, I could never get tired of those two. I confess I'm a bookworm

it started when i was a child and didn't have many friends and

it continues into my adulthood and still don't have many friends lol.

I usually like Trashy book with nothing but sex, drugs and violence but

will throw in a more uplifting book from time to time

like..some Hill Harper Steve Harvey

and currently Why men marry Bitches is the book glued

to my hands.

It's Almost That Time Again

I told myself last year that I was not going to do this whole Halloween hoopla but we all know that was a lie because what am I doing today?!?.....Looking for a costume to wear for Halloween. I can thank one of my friends for throwing a Halloween to have me back on the man hunt for something cute to wear.

I wish finding a costume was easy like back in the day when you told your parents what you wanted to be and they either brought you that or made it...I come from a crafty family so my family usually made my stuff which I always loved so much more than the store brought stuff. Now things are totally different....costumes are much more mature...lol...ok so sexy which i do enjoy because you can always you them for something else like some bedroom activities...Khaki don't judge me!..lol

Anyway , I narrow it down to the top 3 but now i have no idea which one of these I really want...HEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP! I need your opinion.....

Pick one....

Purrfectly Pretty Kitty

To be honest I don't know why I really like this one! Its just something about it maybe its the colors or maybe its because I have the cutest shoes to go with it or the cute tail is has that you can't see in the picture or the shrug it has to keep me warm but whatever it is she won the battle and made it to the top 3

French Maid

Miss Dee Lighfulful

The classic French maid...can't go wring with her and once again the pink and black is probably what caught me and the fact it comes with all the acessories.

Private Sassy Solider Girl

I just thinks its cute!

Day 28

Your Favorite Movie

If you don't this scene..then you ain't about that life!

WAITING TO EXHALE..has to be one of my favorite movies of all time.

I use to watch this movie religiously..i watched it so much the tape stop playing and

when the world changed and everything became DVDs...the dvd now doesn't play because of how much i have watched this movie. I know all the words with no question about it..when i argue with my friends sometimes i break out into scene from the movies just to get a good laugh out of everyone. The real reason I love this movies is because its showed the true strength of these women ..these African American women and it's rare that a movies shows empowerment of African American women, we are usually gold diggers, hoes, stripper, hood rats in movies this showed another side to all that...A side that most women can relate to better than beiing a stripper.

Day 27

A Picture Of You Last Year And How Have You Changed Since Then?

This picture just recently surfaced, I hardly remember taking it

but I do know its from NYE last year and its kind of cute.

Alot has changed since this time last year. First,

I become more comfortable being me and accepting some of my flaws.

I have also lighten up with the males in my life right after this pic was taken i had a deep convo with one of my males friends just about life and other stuff and he made realize alot about alot of things because of him I see my actions with males along with alot of other things in a different light...Thanks B.J.

My hair is much shorter and i have given up on pleasing other before they take time to think about me.

Whoa...alot of things have changed for me since this picture was taken i mean alot just to many to list but they all was for the best of me!

A Photo Of Somewhere You've Been to.

Ocho Rios, Jamaica

I think this was my last big trip anywhere outside of the states. My sister got married there like 4 or 5 years ago and i loved Jamaica and i have been trying to go back since then..

it hasn't really worked out very well but summer 2011 i'm going back..

even if i have to go by myself cuz i got some flakes in my life.

Day 25

What's In Your Purse?

So I realized today while doing this challenge that it was alot

of shit in my purse..which is called the Barney bag by my father!

Everything i need is put into this thing and the moment Ileave something out to lighten it up

i will need it...so here it is...I have my wallet which has no $$ in it..lol, my coupon book, comb

for when i had hair to comb, my sephora mirror which i love to death, umbrella cuz lord knows when the rain drops shall come down, a trail size lotion, my camera because i don't know when picture perfect moment will happen, some Tylenol, a book now i have no idea why that book is in there but I'm sure I'll need it for the hair salon or something, my little make up bag that has nothing but lip gloss in it..why i have so many i have no idea, my check book which gets no play and my BB would be in there too if i wasn't taking the picture with it.

Day 24

A Photo Of Something That Means Alot To You.

I cherish this little pin so much because it is one of the few

things that i have that makes me think about my friend who died in a car accident.

I found this in his car after he was laid to rest..I left it behind at first but i just couldn't

stop thinking about it so i went back and got it. I had a break down a couple of months ago when i thought it was lost forever when i left it in my old car and got a new one

but the dealership found it and made sure it made its way to me! Everytime i get in the car its the first thing i see and when i get out the last thing i see. I see him now as my guardian angel

so i never drive too fast so he can keep up.

Day 23

15 Facts About You

• I'm a hood rat @ heart! lol..its true. One thing i have learned is how to conduct myself in an acceptable manner but i do know to dig up my inner hood rat who I call Dahnica if need be

• I have never been in love! I know what it's like to love someone but I have never experienced being in love.

• My middle name is La'Shelle...which i had been spelling wrong for years until i got a copy of my birth certificate! Thanks mom!

• I wear black often very often but my favorite color is purple

• My name was suppose to be Ryan Thomas because my parents were told i was a boy before i was born...SURPRISE!

• I have a fear of heights but on plane rides I have to sit next to the window

• I was bitten by a brown recluse spider almost 4 years ago and almost died from it.

• I hate those vampire movies and show...true blood, twilight, vampire diaries I just cant get with them.

• I love Rubber Ducks!!

• I have named my niece Kyndan, god daughter Amiyah, friends babies Ny'Lah and Jarhon and god son Rahsaun! I rock at picking names!

• I hate tomatoes and don't eat them at all

• My friends call me the Oreo of the group

• Summer, winter, Fall and Spring I sleep with a fan on and if its not I can't sleep.

• I can't do a cartwheel or black flip...which is odd because I was a cheerleader for years

• I'm in love with Jacoby Shaddix of Papa Roach and the host of scared! Don't judge me

Day 22

A letter to someone who has hurt you recently.

Dear You hurt me,

I'm use to hurt just not the hurt coming from you. We have been through so little but so much together that when the words left your mouth and your feelings were exposed it daggered right through my heart. All the laughs, smiles, tears and sweat was all the past because the present was that you wanted to hurt me. I pulled you close because i thought i could trust you, thought that what we had would last a lifetime and when everyone was telling me to cut the cord because you didn't fit into our world, our lifestyle, our circle I didn't, I just pulled you closer and prayed for the best..but clearly the best never came and not alone that but you managed to hurt me too. The hurt you caused me wasn't anything out of the normal...wasn't anything to be sacred by but hurt is hurt and you caused it for me. As I felt the daggers you threw my way hit me I thought my feeling would never heal that hurt would never go away and i will confess it hasn't fully healed i can sometimes go back to that wound and open it back up once again. I was once going to call, text, send a letter a post card to talk things through but my pride mixed with my hurt won't let that happen. Maybe its best that my hurt stays fresh that it never leaves my mind...maybe its best that what we had is over and that i have no real desire to fix it or make it better. I guess the hurt you caused left a imprint on my heart and my feeling..... So to you I say i hope life treats you great gives you all that you deserve and more but our time ran it course and i learned the hurt you pushed upon me is much more loyal than you.

Sunshinestar110

Day 21

A Photo Of Something That Makes You Happy

This little girl right here is what makes me happy!! She is the love of my life..

my niecey pooh, my baby! She is always excited to see her favorite Aunt

and cries when I leave...When no one else in the world seems to care about what i got going my

niecey pooh always wants to know my who,what , when and how!

We go on walks together, color, shop and ice cream trips often.

Before we part ways she always screams out *inserts government name* I love you!

So this is the something that makes me happy my niecey pooh!

Day 20

The Meaning Behind Your Blog Name

I think my blog name is straight to the point...matter of fact its how I feel with my day to day thoughts...I have been cut throat by alot of people and straight to the point so that is where my blog name came from. My B-Kels came up with the name it sounded like something I would say so there it goes.....My blog was born.