It was all fun and games at first. The long conversations, the trips two hours back and forth to see each other it was all just because...just because I needed something or someone to take my mind off of all the that occurs in my world....forgetting about Bird, ex boyfriends getting married, friends and family issues..Roshon it was an escape from it all. I never thought that all our laughs, jokes, and deep talks would lead us here...right here... right now. I usually run away from situation like this I'm quick to back up, pack my things and head for the hills when things get too deep and that's exactly what part of me wants to do...she wants to find something wrong with him...something wrong with the whole situation and not like him anymore and trust me i have tried my hardest to do but for some reason he just keeps pulling me back *cues Chingy and Tyrese* but the other hand wants to play the hand I'm holding wants to throw it all out and see where this road leads me...see where he leads me but............................. My heart beats fast every time I consider it and get to sweating maybe its my fear of commitment...no its not commitment i fear its being hurt that i just don't want any parts of. I know that is not how I should conduct my situation with him but the thoughts of all the past relationships that went wrong...the tears, fights, cheating and disappointment take over my heart and it just wants to shut down and post a closed sign. When he poured his heart out to me and told me how his feeling are for me...I paused i wanted to say so much to him..i wanted to place my heart in his hands but that fear took over and I just digested it all. I know he was dissatisfied with my reaction but i just couldn't wear my heart on my sleeve i just couldn't be to open for him. I have given him alot of me...alot more than i ever expected to do, this was suppose to be a short lived thing between us just something to pass the time around but the time has gone and he's still here. Still dealing with my smart ass, demands and mood swings oddly he understands me understand why i do the things i do. He knows me far beyond the mac foundation and lip gloss..he knows the real me and accepts her for who she is. I can be not easy to get along with be he finds a way each and everyday. For all the things I hate about him are the same reasons i love him...whoaaaaaaa..lets say like about him. He calm demeanor, his smart mouth, his busy schedule and the love he has for his kids are all the things that I want the man I choose to be be with to have. So why I keep running from him or as my friend Melissa would say being scared of...I have no idea. Maybe it's his love i'm scared of or the love i have for him...he honestly has pushed me in the right direction and showed me what love is or how its suppose to go. I'm so use to protecting and holding my heart close that opening it up and giving it up seems foreign to me. So right now I'm standing at the window weighing my options do it let all my fears go and jump or crawl back in and continue to hold all my fears close.

Day 30

A Photograph Of Yourself Today + Three Good Things That Have Happened In The Past 30 Days.

This is my fake smile and it happens often in picture! *shrugs* why i have no idea.

I wasn't in the mood for pictures, it was just one of those days....and my lipgloss was poppin' lol

Whoa...3 good things that have happen over the past 30 days i need to think about this one....

#1 My refund check came from school! Money is always appreciated

#2 Lil Richmond came to spend a weekend with me..no details is needed for that one! lol

#3 I finally know what being in love is..strange right?!? cuz i'm so anti-love but this just feels right!

Day 29

Something You Could Never Get Tired Of Doing

Reading and Books, I could never get tired of those two. I confess I'm a bookworm

it started when i was a child and didn't have many friends and

it continues into my adulthood and still don't have many friends lol.

I usually like Trashy book with nothing but sex, drugs and violence but

will throw in a more uplifting book from time to time

like..some Hill Harper Steve Harvey

and currently Why men marry Bitches is the book glued

to my hands.

It's Almost That Time Again

I told myself last year that I was not going to do this whole Halloween hoopla but we all know that was a lie because what am I doing today?!?.....Looking for a costume to wear for Halloween. I can thank one of my friends for throwing a Halloween to have me back on the man hunt for something cute to wear.

I wish finding a costume was easy like back in the day when you told your parents what you wanted to be and they either brought you that or made it...I come from a crafty family so my family usually made my stuff which I always loved so much more than the store brought stuff. Now things are totally different....costumes are much more mature...lol...ok so sexy which i do enjoy because you can always you them for something else like some bedroom activities...Khaki don't judge me!..lol

Anyway , I narrow it down to the top 3 but now i have no idea which one of these I really want...HEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP! I need your opinion.....

Pick one....

Purrfectly Pretty Kitty

To be honest I don't know why I really like this one! Its just something about it maybe its the colors or maybe its because I have the cutest shoes to go with it or the cute tail is has that you can't see in the picture or the shrug it has to keep me warm but whatever it is she won the battle and made it to the top 3

French Maid

Miss Dee Lighfulful

The classic French maid...can't go wring with her and once again the pink and black is probably what caught me and the fact it comes with all the acessories.

Private Sassy Solider Girl

I just thinks its cute!

Day 28

Your Favorite Movie

If you don't this scene..then you ain't about that life!

WAITING TO EXHALE..has to be one of my favorite movies of all time.

I use to watch this movie religiously..i watched it so much the tape stop playing and

when the world changed and everything became DVDs...the dvd now doesn't play because of how much i have watched this movie. I know all the words with no question about it..when i argue with my friends sometimes i break out into scene from the movies just to get a good laugh out of everyone. The real reason I love this movies is because its showed the true strength of these women ..these African American women and it's rare that a movies shows empowerment of African American women, we are usually gold diggers, hoes, stripper, hood rats in movies this showed another side to all that...A side that most women can relate to better than beiing a stripper.

Day 27

A Picture Of You Last Year And How Have You Changed Since Then?

This picture just recently surfaced, I hardly remember taking it

but I do know its from NYE last year and its kind of cute.

Alot has changed since this time last year. First,

I become more comfortable being me and accepting some of my flaws.

I have also lighten up with the males in my life right after this pic was taken i had a deep convo with one of my males friends just about life and other stuff and he made realize alot about alot of things because of him I see my actions with males along with alot of other things in a different light...Thanks B.J.

My hair is much shorter and i have given up on pleasing other before they take time to think about me.

Whoa...alot of things have changed for me since this picture was taken i mean alot just to many to list but they all was for the best of me!

A Photo Of Somewhere You've Been to.

Ocho Rios, Jamaica

I think this was my last big trip anywhere outside of the states. My sister got married there like 4 or 5 years ago and i loved Jamaica and i have been trying to go back since then..

it hasn't really worked out very well but summer 2011 i'm going back..

even if i have to go by myself cuz i got some flakes in my life.

Day 25

What's In Your Purse?

So I realized today while doing this challenge that it was alot

of shit in my purse..which is called the Barney bag by my father!

Everything i need is put into this thing and the moment Ileave something out to lighten it up

i will need it...so here it is...I have my wallet which has no $$ in it..lol, my coupon book, comb

for when i had hair to comb, my sephora mirror which i love to death, umbrella cuz lord knows when the rain drops shall come down, a trail size lotion, my camera because i don't know when picture perfect moment will happen, some Tylenol, a book now i have no idea why that book is in there but I'm sure I'll need it for the hair salon or something, my little make up bag that has nothing but lip gloss in it..why i have so many i have no idea, my check book which gets no play and my BB would be in there too if i wasn't taking the picture with it.

Day 24

A Photo Of Something That Means Alot To You.

I cherish this little pin so much because it is one of the few

things that i have that makes me think about my friend who died in a car accident.

I found this in his car after he was laid to rest..I left it behind at first but i just couldn't

stop thinking about it so i went back and got it. I had a break down a couple of months ago when i thought it was lost forever when i left it in my old car and got a new one

but the dealership found it and made sure it made its way to me! Everytime i get in the car its the first thing i see and when i get out the last thing i see. I see him now as my guardian angel

so i never drive too fast so he can keep up.

Day 23

15 Facts About You

• I'm a hood rat @ heart! lol..its true. One thing i have learned is how to conduct myself in an acceptable manner but i do know to dig up my inner hood rat who I call Dahnica if need be

• I have never been in love! I know what it's like to love someone but I have never experienced being in love.

• My middle name is La'Shelle...which i had been spelling wrong for years until i got a copy of my birth certificate! Thanks mom!

• I wear black often very often but my favorite color is purple

• My name was suppose to be Ryan Thomas because my parents were told i was a boy before i was born...SURPRISE!

• I have a fear of heights but on plane rides I have to sit next to the window

• I was bitten by a brown recluse spider almost 4 years ago and almost died from it.

• I hate those vampire movies and show...true blood, twilight, vampire diaries I just cant get with them.

• I love Rubber Ducks!!

• I have named my niece Kyndan, god daughter Amiyah, friends babies Ny'Lah and Jarhon and god son Rahsaun! I rock at picking names!

• I hate tomatoes and don't eat them at all

• My friends call me the Oreo of the group

• Summer, winter, Fall and Spring I sleep with a fan on and if its not I can't sleep.

• I can't do a cartwheel or black flip...which is odd because I was a cheerleader for years

• I'm in love with Jacoby Shaddix of Papa Roach and the host of scared! Don't judge me

Day 22

A letter to someone who has hurt you recently.

Dear You hurt me,

I'm use to hurt just not the hurt coming from you. We have been through so little but so much together that when the words left your mouth and your feelings were exposed it daggered right through my heart. All the laughs, smiles, tears and sweat was all the past because the present was that you wanted to hurt me. I pulled you close because i thought i could trust you, thought that what we had would last a lifetime and when everyone was telling me to cut the cord because you didn't fit into our world, our lifestyle, our circle I didn't, I just pulled you closer and prayed for the best..but clearly the best never came and not alone that but you managed to hurt me too. The hurt you caused me wasn't anything out of the normal...wasn't anything to be sacred by but hurt is hurt and you caused it for me. As I felt the daggers you threw my way hit me I thought my feeling would never heal that hurt would never go away and i will confess it hasn't fully healed i can sometimes go back to that wound and open it back up once again. I was once going to call, text, send a letter a post card to talk things through but my pride mixed with my hurt won't let that happen. Maybe its best that my hurt stays fresh that it never leaves my mind...maybe its best that what we had is over and that i have no real desire to fix it or make it better. I guess the hurt you caused left a imprint on my heart and my feeling..... So to you I say i hope life treats you great gives you all that you deserve and more but our time ran it course and i learned the hurt you pushed upon me is much more loyal than you.

Sunshinestar110

Day 21

A Photo Of Something That Makes You Happy

This little girl right here is what makes me happy!! She is the love of my life..

my niecey pooh, my baby! She is always excited to see her favorite Aunt

and cries when I leave...When no one else in the world seems to care about what i got going my

niecey pooh always wants to know my who,what , when and how!

We go on walks together, color, shop and ice cream trips often.

Before we part ways she always screams out *inserts government name* I love you!

So this is the something that makes me happy my niecey pooh!

Day 20

The Meaning Behind Your Blog Name

I think my blog name is straight to the point...matter of fact its how I feel with my day to day thoughts...I have been cut throat by alot of people and straight to the point so that is where my blog name came from. My B-Kels came up with the name it sounded like something I would say so there it goes.....My blog was born.

Day 19

Another Picture Of Yourself

It's me again!!! This picture was taken in July(i think) at my friend's Rooftop party...I absolutely love that dress and haven't worn it since *sad face* I hate the fact that my arms are out because i hate my arms but my friend F.C. take great picture so this is one of those moments I can deal. Looking at this picture almost makes me miss my should length

hair!!! lets have a moment of silence for my hair *bows head*

Day 18

Something You Crave Alot

I just have to have this Monster Trail mix from Target!! I have a bag in my desk which you

can see from the picture is almost empty time to reup , i have a bag in my car and a bag at home..lol..its a mix of peanuts, m&m's (which i can do without), raisins, chocolate chips and peanut butter chips. Its the only trail mix i will buy or eat and since i'm trying to cut down on my choice snack at work its kind of a healthy way to still snack minus the chips and stuff i was eating before.

Day 17

A picture of you and your family

Ok so this one was a little challenging, I'm not really feeling this put your family thing up because i just didn't want them to be a part of this whole blog thing but i voted to do so and here they are....These won't be up long......Now I know it was suppose to me and my family but i can't remember the last time we took a family photo and if we did I'm sure it was from the 90's and i refuse to expose my young days...lol... This is my family..expect for my brother he hates taking picture so there is almost none of him but he was not forgotten.....

Mi Padre

Mi Madre

Day 16

Your Celebrity Crush

I'm sure I don't have to tell you who this is unless you have lived under a rock for last couple of years. I couldn't decided on who my crush was because i have many

but one that always stays the same next to Kobe Bryant is Dwight Howard. So its no secret i love basketball players always have and always will..i grew up with nothing but tall men who played ball...so my heart belongs to them. I love them tall, dark and handsome and Dwight makes the cut. Word can't express how i love this man so i shall end it here! lol

Day 15

Something you don't leave the house without

My Blackberry....I never leave home without him for more than one reason,

probably because I'm addicted to him! but on some real stuff once i got my first cell phone my father said take it everywhere because you don't know an emergency will happen...so I take my father's advice and I don't leave the house without it.

Also my BB does everything from calculating a tip at dinner to finding me and showing me the right way home. I have left my purse behind before i have left my phone...sad situation.

Day 14

A TV show that you are currently addicted to

Judge me if you would like but I'm hooked to this show! lol..Its probably targeted for teenagers or preteens but i swear I'm addicted to this show. The acting is terrible but for some reason i just can't miss a episode of it. Maybe because i remember all the high school and teenager drama i went through and relate on a certain level to what they are going through.. I don't know who turned me onto this show but much thanks to them me and my bff watch it non stop and keep each other up shows we miss....ok..now you judge me lol

Day 13

Your Favorite Musician and Why

Ok i don't think i have a favorite musician i just like music in general!

I sat back and thought long and hard about this and if i had to pick a person it would probably be

Ne-Yo...

Why Ne-yo? hmmm...I will have to say he hasn't had an album that has disappointed me yet unlike some of our favorite artist who just can't get it right. I can relate to

alot of what he sings about or feel where he is coming

and it doesn't hurt that he sometimes make the best baby making song like...

Mirror and Say it!

smh...the things those songs have done for me! lol

Day 12

A Photograph of the town you live in

(DC, Maryland, and Virginia)

The town I live in is the DC metro area... Which is sometimes referred to as the DMV. Now if you ask where I am from I will be quick to tell you DC because as soon as you tell someone that you are from Maryland they assume you are from Baltimore and that right there is a no go! Now what you looking at is Fed Ex field where the Deadskins...i mean the Redskins play...I picked these pics because i was not going to drive around and take pic of random things where i live so i picked the most noticeable site near my home.

On any given Sunday during football season can be stuck in traffic forever trying to get as far away from the games as possible, watching the crazy drunk people tailgating and hearing the roar of the crowd when they finally score a touch down.

Whatever the case maybe this is one of the reasons I love my town/city or whatever you want to call it.....It about Sports around here even though of them suck.

and please don't mistake this as we being a Redskins' fan because I'm far from that I just love my city...

Day 11

What's in your make up bag

So I don't have a make up bag it more like a make up box!!

It wasn't until a couple of years ago that I turned on to make up...I can thank my sister for

that she became a make up artist and showed me the right way to apply it

and its been all she wrote after that. To be honest i don't even know what is really in here,

I just got too much of the shit and sometimes just have the urge to by more....don't judge me!

SO being that I have this box and not bag I'll show you what i wear on a regular basis from

pink mama is what my sister calls it! lol

My almost everyday wear are these 4 items....My Colossal mascara that I'm love with because

it gives you the long lashes as if they were fake and when i wear it ppl always ask if those are my real lashes. Next my mac studio pro foundation! even if i don't go all out and put on my whole face i do put this on...it just gives you the smooth all over look that i look for my dark spot or pumps will show and this shit is expensive so it better do its magic. My favorite mac eyeshadow gets alot of wear no matter what my outfit is...its apart of there mineralize collects its called Earthly riches and its the best to go from day to night in. and last but no least my can lipglass...oh how i love theeee...that is bountiful and she is the best. just shows up a little pink which i love and she too gets worn even if i don't go all out!

Day 10

Photo of your favorite place to eat

I love this spot in downtown DC called La Tasca!! Its an Spanish Tapas bar

and restaurant...If you don't know what Tapas are its just small plates meaning you order multiply plates to share with everyone at the table. My friend Ro introduced me this spot and ever since I have lived it. Its bright colors and salsa with an live band on Fridays are the best. Plus it doesn't hurt that there sangrias are on point and comes by the pitcher!! And we always order them by the pitcher lol. La Tasca is the perfect spot to eat, drink and be loud with your friends....thats one of the reason i love this spot.

Day 9

A photo of the last item you purchased

I'm sure this was not the last items i purchased but it is the only thing i could remember.

These are my amazing lip balm and tint by C.O.Bigelow sold at bath and body works. I absolutely love these damn things they are organic which is a plus and they are infused with 100% mint. They make your lips tingle when put on and freshens your breath. I'm sure it was some sale going on because these damn things are expensive and i know i didn't spend 8.50 on them a piece but then again I might have because I have a things for lip gloss, lip balm or whatever you want to call it!

Day 8

A Song To Match Your Mood

The song that best matches my mood today comes from that damn Trey Songz and his Trey day album...Last Time! That song describes how I feel about my situation with Bird and Lil Richmond! *cover eyes* Don't judge me but it is what it is. I had a conversation with someone about my "little love triangle" that they think i have and instantly this song started to play in my head because lawd knows i can relate to it 100% especially right now as we speak!

Day 7

Your Dream Wedding

I always talk about having this big ole extra expensive and huge wedding but in reality that is not how i see myself getting married. My dream wedding would be a informal affair...a beach wedding maybe even a destination wedding in Jamaica, Mexico, Turks and Caicos or Aruba who knows but i do know that it has to be on the beach since i was little i always dreamed of being barefoot on the beach getting married with the waves crashing in background. I want everyone to be barefoot and comfortable..no suits and ties or formal dresses and heels just something breezy comfortable

My dress would be simple and straight to the point..no crystals or beads or the princess look just simple and elegant. Even though i want simple i do want something fly and unique sort of like this one. My wedding party will also have the whole casual wedding thing going on. My bridesmaid will be in dresses of their choice I'm not going to ask them to be uniformed to each other just rocking the same color...the style part I'll let them pick they know what looks best on them and I can trust them to come well prepared. As for my future husband and his groomsmen they can rock something simple maybe linen outfit...maybe or something light weight..I'll let him choose.

The decor will be bright and playful.... A whole lot of pinks, oranges and yellows. I love flowers so I hope to have them everywhere. I want to make sure the tropical feel is everywhere. I want my bouquet to be over the top something not too big but an eye catcher.

My centerpieces will be candles surrounded by flowers i want my reception to have romantic feel so i want to be dimly lit and candles all over the place. I still want the beach to be included so if i can find away to bring in sand and rocks like the picture below it would be wonderful. I just want everybody not to feel uptight about being there. Not being nervous about what fork is the right one to use.

And last the cake....the cake is where the tropical theme is left behind and i bring a little bit of me into. I want my cake to go as far away from the beach wedding theme as possible. I love animal print..cheetah, zebra and tiger stripes i love it. So i want my cake to be that...crazy colored and animal print plus i want it to be an Topsy or mad hatter cake. I love the look of the cake looking like its about to fall over. Feather will be included just like the picture.

I want my wedding to be something that not only I will remember but my guests too! II want my guests to look back and think how they cried and had nothing but fun. I want it to be the best time we all had but just the right amount of romance.

Day 6

A photo of an animal you’d love to keep as a pet

I was torn when doing this post, I have been fascinated with tigers since I can remember but to keep it much more realistic I decided on the Sugar Glider. I first saw these little critters while in the mall and it was a stand for the Pocket pet which happened to be them. I think they are the cutest little things I learned that they are very smart and can learn their name’s to come on command. I don’t know why I want one but I do…but they are $$$ so getting one is probably not going to happen.

Day 5

A photo of yourself two years ago

This was taken in June 2008...This is just a few of the pics of myself that i love! We had a great time that night it was my friend Traci's birthday and we drank oh so good and everything after the club is a blurrrrrrrrr...lol...another blog for another day. I miss these days first because i was much smaller weight wise and my friendship with Traci was totally different...we actually had one but now not so much, its funny how time not only changes your appearance but relationships with other....I wonder how things will be two years from now *shrugs*

Day 4

Day 4 – Your favorite photograph of your best friend

This is my ride or die, down for whatever, always got your back, shoulder to cry on, laughs to share, drinking partner, never judges, always spits the truth chick! People assume that because the bond we share is so strong that we have been friends since birth but that is far from the truth...We met when were about 18 or 19....*pause* that was almost 10 years ago...damn how time flies. From the moment we became friends it was a wrap we have been by each others side ever since. We have had our share of good, bad, happy, sad and trying times but we still have remained friends. No matter what happens in our lives or how far one of us may move away we will forever be best friends ..fuck that sisters!

* I'm sure she made me take this pic because she knows how i hate taking them! but this one did come out extra cute!*

Afternoon Delight...

I haven't done one of these in awhile and i feel like since football season has begun that its only right that afternoon delight be dedicated to those oh so sexy men!!!

Nic Harris

D.O.B 10/06/86

Buffalo Bills

I think I might to find his lil young self and add him to my future ex husband list!

Day 3

Your idea of the perfect first date

The perfect first date hmmmmmmm...lets me see...Despite what most people think about me I'm a simple girl I like simple things. I feel like the first date isn't all about the glitz and the glamour, its not about how much you spent on the date or trying to impress the person beyond belief. It’s about getting to know the person standing next to you. So my ideal first date would be something simple, something where we are NOT sitting in a room with many other people struggling to hear each other or focusing on the outside noises. I trip to downtown DC is always great... Take a walk around to view the monuments but not during peak time so to speak when all the tourist are running around snapping picture and being lost, instead evening hours when the sun is setting the dark starts to creep in. The monument sights become much more meaningful around that time...it would be great personal time to walk, talk and also take in the scenery. It gives the time and space to have open dialog learn a thing or two about you and that person. It wouldn't be a quick date because DC is loaded with many places to stop observe and learn...from the Lincoln Memorial to the World War II Memorial its lots to see. If walking around is not what we want to do we can take a moonlight monument tour same theme but just involves someone riding us around instead of walking. After the touring is done maybe catch something quick to eat ice cream, hot dog nothing too fancy that would break the bank. That's probably it just simple as can be.... I think the first date should be about the two people who are sharing the moment not trying to make the moment far bigger than but it has to be. Its the little things that count so much more...

Day 2

A photo of something you ate today.

This was lunch today. nothing too fancy nothing too special just a boring salad and soda which i shouldn't be drinking but i needed it to stay awake. I love salad matter of fact i could eat them everyday which sometimes i do but today i wanted something with a lil bit more of a kick but that didn't happen clearly.

Day 1..

Day 1 – A photo of yourself and a description of how your day was

Hate taking pics and i hate this pic but *shrugs* oh well

This picture was taken....TODAY, on my lunch break. I figured after i agreed to this challenge that i needed to take a picture of myself. I HATE and i shall repeat I HATE taking pictures but since I pushed Starrla to do so i have no choice. I was not having a good day at all too much shit sitting on my desk at the last minute and not enough time for me to finish it but its just another day another dollar!