Open Your Eyes #24

I woke up this morning to my phone flashing to inform me that I had an email waiting on me...which really isn't to strange because all my email accounts are attached to my phone the unusually part it was from my cousin Kiah...We talk on a regular bases at 2 twice a day so for her to drop me a email that didn't look like a fwd made nervous what in the word couldn't she say to me over the phone. Yeah...so I begin to think the worse, all the bad thought raced through my brain as I clicked it open. Once I read the first line I knew it wasn't what I thought but I knew it was going to be something deep. I can always count on her to drop some knowledge on me and bring me back to reality and this one must have been burning a whole in her because she sent this at 3:45am...

At sat at dinner tonight with Shelly and Marquita just discussing life, love, men and sex you know the usually when Marquita said something that made me think of you and touched a nerve with in me too. "I lose interest in men far too quick....I mean I need them to keep me excited and entertained if not its on to the next one" When that left her mouth I automatically thought of You and R and How I have heard that over and over..time and time again not only from you two but countless friends and one point of time myself too. What are men clowns they really don't need to entertain us. In the past I wanted a man to be all about keeping me alive so to say i wanted him to do all in his power to keep me on his mind its not like i wanted him to live and breath me i just wanted him to be overly interested. I learned as I got older and my experience with men continued on that it was I who was so use to men who showed me so much attention because they piggy backed off of me. Of course they had nothing but time to keep my eye they had nothing going on around them so why not..why not make sure that I can't think or see anyone but them...keeping me interested is what I use to call it but now it would just be a waste of my time to keep that sad cycle going. I';m going to tell you the same thing my mother had to drill in my head countless times and what i feel like I'm doing with you, R and Marquita just drill because sometime I don't think y'all hear me. I think y'all think I'm preaching to you instead of trying to show you that I did that so y'all wouldn't have to do it *jay-z voice* You DON'T need a dude who gives you his attention all the time trying to make sure that he is the only one sitting in your thought making sure that your interest is always there. We are too old for all that those were our young and dumb days the days for careless thought and no real responsibilities. Its a good thing that the man of your concentration is busy it means he got shit going on some big some small but busy that would be something you would him to be not leaning on you for entertainment trying to fill up your life and thought. he too has things he needs to do and just like you... him to keep you wanting more...he also wants the same from you. If he was all about you all the time we would instantly label him with thirsty and needy...smh...and you know we would. You need someone who has goals, business and family to take care of. Not the usually who would give up everything to sit in your face. At least you know that he has his mind right looking forward to more than what he has now. We as women always say we want a man with substance but when we finally get one we find a thousand different reason why we lost our eye for him or why it can't work. You going to keep thinking like that we will forever be chasing the ideal man that doesn't exist...spending our time trying to be entertained and our attention being catch instead of seeing the whole picture for what is worth and not living in the right now. Right now he doesn't have the time to shower you with his undivided attention but in the long run who knows where it may lead you. You going to keep thinking like that and you are forever going to be the side chick...that girl he fucks from time to time whenever he needs you or you hit his city never the one he wants the one who occupies his thought the one he is being so busy for...Just think about it. I have personally cut plenty men off because he was so "busy" and not keeping my attention and watched him move on to better life with someone else. I know I told you , R and Marquita that i was done with yall and this shit but sometimes I think we get so wrapped up in our old ways of dealing with men that we don't open our minds to other ways. Not all men are the same not all are going to break your heart and lead you wrong. You need to lead yourself right before he can chase another aspect of your life... I just don't want yall to pass up some very good men just because he can't have you fill his thoughts all the time but hey what do I know!!

Love you

Kiah

I just want yall to open your eye thats it...i'm out.