Thursday, April 5, 2012
I Once Knew
I saw that Nicki Minaj quote and it inspired this blog.
I don’t feel the same way about our friendship that I did let’s say 4 years ago. Those years were great years for us, we were friends. If you had asked me then if I thought that now we would barely be friends I would have called you a liars but as the world works we are not the best of friends anymore…sometimes I don’t even think we are friends. I’ve learned a lot about myself the last couple of years, I’ve changed..they changed nothing is meant to stay the same forever. I often look at one of my fave pictures of us and can’t believe that we are not even nearly that close at all. I will take responsibility for some of my actions in our friendship, true; I stopped being so available, true; I found time for my other friends, true; I got new friends. I recently sat in a room with 3 of my former close friends, I sat in my corner and watched them interact with each other, I don’t think I was jealous…well I know I wasn’t jealous more sad that we have gotten to this point. One of them I completely don’t speak to anymore and she was the first one I befriended. She and I had been through a lot together, the good, bad ugly and when she got pregnant I stood by her when her baby daddy backed out on her. Although we don’t speak I have no ill will towards her, we didn’t have a big blow out, just a simple we don’t speak anymore. Some of that we don’t speak anymore is because of some things that were brought to my attention by another party, Now that hurt my feelings and I still carry that to this day. Maybe a year ago I attempted to work things out but she played me to the left and last night when I walked in to the bar and she was there I played her to the left. I half ass spoke to her and never really addressed her, ok truth moment I’m a mean girl and when I cut you off I make it none that we don’t speak….and nor did she speak to me. Friend #2 came along after friend #1 matter of fact they are friends because of me…..funny huh..i don’t speak to one barely speak to the other and they talk all the time. #2 is kind of a hard situation to iron out, I think she believes that we aren’t good friends anymore because of her boyfriend, he is a little tiny bit part of the problem but there are other reasons to company that too. I took a step back from our friendship re evaluate the situation, a lot of shady went on, a lot of forced situations took place and I got tired of it. And things became hugely real last year at my “birthday dinner”..but that is a different blog for a whole another day. Last but not least is friend #3..what can I say about her is that she makes bad life choices, also I learned from trial and error that I couldn’t tell her or #2 much of anything because it was just getting repeated to each other. Then who is made out as the bad guy.. ME..#3 and I were never as close as 1 and 2 , things came to a end for us when she became something like a hater when she found out about me entertaining some lil young dude she knows.
Last night a part of me almost wanted us to smooth things over but the other part told me I was better off without. Of course I have a couple of female friends who are not them and I love them to death, we have good times together but it is nothing like what I use to share with them. I read that Nicki quote and it made me think of them…not saying I don’t love them cuz I do , it just is crazy when people who share something with turn into people you just know. People that you see passing in the ways or when a birthday or wedding is taking place or when something tragic brings us with one another.
Well like it is always said…all good things must come to an end and this is no different.